The only reason I am still alive is because she is asleep upstairs. I have written her a long letter tryineg to explain to her how much I love her. If it wasn't for her I would have killed myself years ago. I know that i am damaging her by still being around. I can also see now very clearly that this was always going to happen to me. I can't tell you how much it breaks my heart to leave her. But there is no way that I can stay. I just wish it was tomorrow now. I have to wait another 5 hours to get her up and off to school. I really hope one day that she'll know how much I loved her. I have lost everything in the last year.