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My little girl.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Marianne, Apr 27, 2009.

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  1. Marianne

    Marianne New Member

    The only reason I am still alive is because she is asleep upstairs. I have written her a long letter tryineg to explain to her how much I love her. If it wasn't for her I would have killed myself years ago. I know that i am damaging her by still being around. I can also see now very clearly that this was always going to happen to me. I can't tell you how much it breaks my heart to leave her. But there is no way that I can stay. I just wish it was tomorrow now. I have to wait another 5 hours to get her up and off to school. I really hope one day that she'll know how much I loved her. I have lost everything in the last year.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Marianne,

    Welcome to the forum.
    I'm so sorry you're feeling this way.

    Can you explain more? Why do you feel there is no way you can stay and what's happened in the past year? Talk to us, we'll try to help :hug:
  3. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    But you're still alive right now, and so you have the chance to rebuild your life. I'm not trying to make you feel worse; but your death is something your daughter would never be able to understand or get past.

    Do you have anyone you can talk to? Have you ever seen a doctor or therapist about how you feel? I hope you consider it, because your daughter needs you, and you deserve to be happy.
  4. Daisy

    Daisy Active Member

    Welcome to the forum.

    You may not think that you being around is good for her but I have friends who grew up without their mother and I know that they always missed her and never understood why she died.

    Have you thought about who will take care of your child if you died?
    As wildcherry says, I hope you consider the other options because your daughter does need you and you do deserve to be happy.
  5. Marianne

    Marianne New Member

    There is no help. The only reason I have posted is because I know I am going to be judged by so many people for leaving her. I'm trying to leave a mark somewhere. I have spent the last 2 days crying, I can't stop, I have never been so sure of anything before, I am grieving. I have lost my job, marrage, car and soon the house will go. But apart from that I am also a damaged person. I have wound up at 37 not speaking to any of my family, and thats all my fault. I know I'm not right mentally. I can't explain how tired I feel and to be honest staying alive in my head is just pointless. All I'm trying to do now is get through the next few hours. I need to be strong so my daughter will go to school tomorrow.
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Your daughter will miss you so much.She needs you even if you don't believe that.Every child needs their mom.

    Do you have anyone you can talk to about this, a friend? doctor? close neighbour? relative?

    You really do need to speak to someone. You have to get help,please believe that it will get better :hug:
  7. Daisy

    Daisy Active Member

    I understand how hard it must be for you to have lost so much in such a short period of time. As daisychain said is there anyone you can talk to? If not can you call 911 or go to the hospital. Getting help, even though it might take a while for you to be better will be so much better for your daughter than you leaving her.

    She needs you
  8. Marianne

    Marianne New Member

    I have no one. My parents and ex husband will take care of her they all love her very much.
  9. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I'm sorry you're lonely..but you can always make friends hun :hug:

    It doesn't have to be that way forever.

    Even if she has a huge family looking after her. She will always need and miss her mom..I really hope you reconsider.
  10. Daisy

    Daisy Active Member

    Can you reach out to your parents or call 911?

    Its good that your little girl will have a father and grandparents but she is going to need a mother especially when she becomes a teenager and think about all of those moments that you don't want to miss. Her first boyfriend, her first kiss, her graduation, her wedding, your grandchildren.

    Please reach out, call 911 and ask them for help (((((hugs)))))
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