My loneliness and problems seem unsolvable...

[kestrel]

I have virtually no relatives, come from a broken home, am going through a divorce, really miss my kids, have financial problems, am in debt, am out of work, don't speak to my elderly parents (my father died last year), have a history of depression, and have no real friends. The few friends I had disappeared when the divorce started. The divorce also cost me the friendship of my wife's numerous relatives. Not even a call goodbye.

I'm getting older and finding another spouse seems like a real long shot. Anti-depression medications rob me of my sex drive and the divorce will leave me supporting two older kids and an underachieving spouse. I used to work 60 hours a week in demanding jobs but can no longer do that. I made good money for a while but am getting old for my field and now have a checkered resume.

I have nothing to look forward to. The phone no longe rings, my kids are getting too busy to see me once a week, and I'm out of gas. I overacheived for a while, but I've battled too long and my former resilience is gone.

The loneliness is killing me. The lack of anyone I can trust and who cares or loves me is really something I can't overcome.

I've taken to lying on the couch most of the day and little things that used to give me pleasure no longer do. And the borrowed money will soon run out. No one has or will leave me anything.

I thought about getting a dog but I live alone, no one will help me take care of it, and the few dogs available at nearly shelters are too large for the small places I may possibly be able to rent in the future. I'd like to get a puppy but won't have the time to take care of it when I return to work. Also, would a puppy/dog sufficiently take the place of human interaction?

There is nothing positive in my life. I'm unwilling to wind up on the streets.

What to do? :sad:

 

[Forgotten_Man]

Hmmm well what do you do... pretend everything is ok and get bussiness taken care of, that is what I do. Just slap on a mask and pretend things are ok so that you can keep living your life that you live. Then when you get home you can be unhappy and depressed your real self.

Also if your are taking anti-depessants and you are still depressed they probably are not working. If you miss your sex drive that much then you should stop taking them.... or so I think.... but I am not a psychologist.

Finally dogs are messy smelly and needy. If you want an animal companion get a cat. Cats are great they are loving cute fuzzy and self-sufficent. All you have to do is fill their bowl and pet them and they are happy. As where with dogs when they don't get attention they do stuff to get it. But I am a cat person I hate dogs.

 

[kestrel]

Perhaps they are.

 

[TheBLA]

I think a puppy/dog would help but not completely replace a human being of course, but I think for now, its a good course to take, good luck.

 

[allofme]

hi kestrel

i am sorry to hear all you are going through... divorce is a very stressful and depressing thing to go through... i understand the feeling of "loosing you life" and not having any part of what you used to have.. job.. family "even in-laws" you childern being around.. noise in the house... i underestand..

but i know that things can get better.. you can heal from this..
as for getting another spouse.. you would be surprised what can happen once we take time to heal ourselves and learn to care for and love ourselves..

as for your sex drive and the meds.. give it some time.. maybe you need a change of med dose or the meds themselves.. i do know that depression will take away sex drive.. and rob us of the small joys we once experienced... talk to your doctor .. i dont think stoping them is the best recourse.. and it can be dangerous.. these meds idealy should be gradually tapered off..
i really wish you luck with the job and can you keep us me posted on how you r doing.. and you can pm me if you want to ..

 

[kestrel]

Thanks for the replies...

Yes, perhaps I shoud "fake it" during the day. I've lost friends by telling them indirectly that things aren't going well, not answering "I'm fine," and so on. The result is that calls for help have left me just more depressed and powerless. I think you're right.

Indeed, the divorce is probably the biggest killer and I think you understand that. The comments are right on.

Still, I have real, significant problems and no safety net at all --- and that scares me into inaction. I haven't been able to shake it and don't know if I will be able to. Things haven't improved with time.

To get things to improve will require a long, hard effort and luck. I don't know if I'm capable and I will have to do it all by myself. I can't seem to move on and there doesn't seem to be anything or anyone to move on to.

The only thing I know is that life really sucks right now and perhaps it will get no better.

Where's that helping hand when you need it? :huh: