Firstly, please, sorry for my English I am from the Czech Republic and so it is a little complicated to describe my suffering in foreing language. My first sadness I remember at my sisth year of my life when I found out by myself that my father is not my own, he lest me and my mother I didn't see him two years. He was alcoholic and I remember just the bad thing about him (as usual) but anyway we found a way to be together and I learnt to love him again like in my childhood. He killed himself before two years (17.6. 2005). It was very hard especially for my mother because she still loved him. However I was sad I managed it very well because of my mother. I still live for her and my step-sister. Long time I was alone. Without friends, ugly and stupid. When I was about 10 I was standing on the ledge of a window but still there remained a small hope. 25.8. 2006 I found him. He was so beautiful, so gentle but so sad. He was 22 and he had a child and three attemps at suicide after him. He looked absolutely like my dead father. I loved him to death. Many times he was saying goodbye to me, saying he couldn't live anymore but everytime I saved him. Our last weekend we argued very much because of my stupid jealousy. On saturday morning it was the last time when I saw him sleeping like sweet baby. Fortunately we became reconciled in Monday of 16.4. 2007, he had a orange t-shirt-the sweet smell- I will never forget it! Next day he didn't come to me, he didn't answer the phone. Only one message was sent to me...I didn't go to him, he was calling me for a help. I didn't believe him. In the evening I was calling to his mother if he is at home...he didn't returned at home whole night. I was raining. In the morning 17.4. I went to the place where he had tried to kill himself before. I was looking for him there in the forest lying, I was calling his name but I knew in my heart... I found him hanged I cannot wipe out this view!His hands, his hair over the face...His mother broken down. Now I live only for my mother because she would die without me! Only one thing I wish is not to die but just disappear from world, from minds of people who like me. I don't want to make people sad like now I am. But on the other hand I don't want to live... Anymore I took a scissors, My hair fell on the floor. Without your caress I don’t need them anymore. I took a knife, Last tear fell on the floor. I stroke blind my eyes Cause I don’t need them anymore. I took a fire, You left me, closed the door. I burned my hands I don’t need them anymore. I stood upon the edge of a bridge, I thought I would fly, But you cut my wings I am going to die.