I love my mum to bits, however I can't and won't ever understand why she LET them ra*e me and se*ually ab*se me, yes she knew, she sent me to "charlies" house when I was 10, she knew what was happening. She knew I was daddy's toy, and she done nothing, she saw things in my underwear and passed it off as my period, I was a child, not a fucking teenager.... 22 years later she wanted to know everything that happened August Bankholiday 2005, she asked me directly before then I was a stable person, well I had tried to commit suicide since 95 but I was getting by. I went on a spiral straight down, november 2005 I was raped, December 2005 I was raped...how can it not be me, they say I was vunlerable, does that mean men can do those things. I said NO NO NO NO and still he done it...my drink was spiked, in December, so he made me vunlerable, I'm not vunlerable. I never asked for it..I'm not the person who was born. I'm so god damn tierd of fighting, so drained of feeling so alone, the past and death are stopping me going into the future I know that, but you think I can change it, I can't I don't know how to. I don't fucking cry and now my eyes keep going to and I don't want this. I don't want this life anymore I will take my mothers gift to me very soon.