My luck ran out.

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by Lonz, Jan 2, 2007.

  1. Lonz

    Lonz Active Member

    I'm in my 40's and no friend of mine had ever met a premature death, until just now! My friend battled depression, drug use, and all that. We used to hang out, and she was more considerate than most other friends I've ever had. About nine months ago she dropped outta sight. I called friends who called friends. We heard she was back at home with parents and doing OK. I got the phone book out this morning and wrote down the numbers of every listing with her surname. I called the first one and her mother told me she took an overdose the day after Christmas and died.

    Someone told me it wouldn't have mattered if I'd called a week earlier, as she was so self-destructive and isolating herself. Still, imagine how I felt.

    I've known for years that the top months for suicide are around March and April. I promised myself I'd always watch out for my friends a little extra in the winter. But this is so early! I no longer battle depression myself, but when winter comes and the sun isn't around, I feel my mind almost shutdown. I sat there in the church looking at the sun coming through the stained glass and marvelled at how something as simple as the sun might prevent suicide!

    I'm more determined than ever now to stay in touch with anyone who is at risk. My friend hadn't had her cellphone disconnected . . she had it turned off herself! And, she had to have known my friend had called her parents because we were wondering about her. Yet, she made no effort to keep in touch. But, I shoulda tried a little harder. Damn, damn, damn.

    As this is my first time with a friend passing away, I hope I do OK. I just discovered this site. It's a needed and good thing I'm sure!

    Lonz
     
  2. MrDepressed

    MrDepressed Guest

    Well I am glad that you found the ability to share this event.. I am very sorry for you and this friends loved ones, for this type of pain never really leaves us alone.. I had a brother who took his own life and it still hurts today as it did than... the single largest thing that I find helps is to make goals and achieve them even if there something small, like 'take a shower today'.. I hope that you stick around here on SF.. welcome to the board.
     
  3. Lonz

    Lonz Active Member

    Thanks Mr Depressed.

    I realized something funny as the day went on. One way this woman was nicer than most any other friend I've had was her way of giving little presents from time to time. I have a pendant she gave me, hanging in my room. Maybe because she always had issues, she never outgrew that childish form of kindness. Most grown ups only give gifts on holidays or birthdays. Well, now those things are reminders! I could never toss 'em out. But, wow, what a thing to be reminded of. I guess I better get it in my head to focus on the good memories.

    Lonz
     
  4. immure

    immure Account Closed

    omg life is so prevailin.