My Mask

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Lovecraft, Dec 12, 2008.

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  1. Lovecraft

    Lovecraft Well-Known Member

    I'm not a rose by any other name...

    Does anyone else have the most disconcerting tendency to change? To change who you are? It seems every week I'm a new person, my heart and soul bourn anew. Everyweek I don't know who I used to be; don't know what I am. Everyweek my eyes show me the world differently. Everyweek my beliefs are cast aside to make way for the new. Does this happen to any of you?

    All that has remained the same is my mask; a mask forged by societal demands; a mask forged to keep me safe from the prying eyes of the world. Now I'm reliant on my mask. I cannot function without it. Even to the few people I love, I must hide away behind this mask. I can never speak my true thoughts; never share my sordid, macabre dreams; never share me...

    It seems I'm not a person after all. It seems I'm a melting pot of ideas. All the time, different ideas come to the surface. All the time, what I once was gets washed away. All the time I die and am reborn; a harrowing journey of a tearful phoenix.

    I wish I knew who I was... if I was anything at all. I wish I lived without tears. I wish... I wish no more. Wishes don't come true.
     
    Lovecraft, Dec 12, 2008
    #1
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Lovecraft,

    Interesting post. I think I can sort of relate to what you are experiencing. Do you mean like changing of personalities? If so, I get that a lot. I don't feel I'm the same person as I was the day before. Maybe a therapist could help? :hug:

    Lynn
     
    Petal, Dec 13, 2008
    #2
  3. Lovecraft

    Lovecraft Well-Known Member

    I've had one for a year and I'm currently in a residential hospital. It is still only getting worse, despite the rather ubiquitous treatment I'm getting.
     
    Lovecraft, Dec 13, 2008
    #3
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Aww, I am sorry to hear that :hug:

    Have you tried cognitive behavioral therapy? CBT is used to retrain the way you think, make you think more positively and see things clearer.
     
    Petal, Dec 13, 2008
    #4
  5. Lovecraft

    Lovecraft Well-Known Member

    I've already beat that horse to death.
     
    Lovecraft, Dec 13, 2008
    #5
  6. levitated-one

    levitated-one Well-Known Member

    I know the mask you're talking about.. I used to wear that mask all the time during the period of 12 - 17, even to my own family members because of the hurt they've put me through.. I withdrew from emotions, withdrew from love, withdrew from society. I was deeply in pain, I cannot get out of the mask.. I cannot simply throw it away.. it stayed with me.. which caused me more internal pains..

    It's interesting about your ever changing views. Don't worry about this, right now you have the prevelige of seeing the world from different views, this means you're learning each week. You don't need to know who you are yet.. some people will only know when they're much older. It seems like you're on the right path.. questioning a lot.. hopefully you'll learn a good deal in your journey.. best wishes
     
    levitated-one, Jan 3, 2009
    #6
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