i'm on zoloft and have been for several weeks, my dose was recently upped. i thought that it was helping a little bit, but now i don't think it is at all. :unsure: not yet, anyway. i think that i was just depending on other people for happiness again, which is obviously a shit idea since it isn't helping in the slightest at the moment. feels like i should just tattoo it on my forehead that i should never, ever tell people the depths of my mental health issues and the stuff that's happened to me. because they say they want to know, because they care about you, but then you tell them, and whoa, they weren't expecting anything like THAT, they can't deal with THAT in their memory, that's awful, so they start backing away from you... and it's not that i don't understand that because i do, it bloody sucks hearing about all of this, i know. of course, it sucks more LIVING it, but that's another story. :chargrined: but i wish that people would just...i dunno. stop me when i say too much for them. or not freaking ask because they don't really want to know. because i get so bloody hopeful that i don't have to hide the things in my head, i don't have to hide that i'm multiple, i don't have to hide this, that, and the other thing... well, nope, i'm pretty sure i still freaking do, and i hate it. and i hate being suicidal again. enough. seriously. i've been suicidal off and on since i was 9 years old. surely by this point in time, i can say enough already, can't i? nothing fucking helps. it will pass momentarily, i may even have a brief flash or two of happiness or at least contentness, i will be like "oh yay and joy, i am feeling BETTER!" and then life conspires to drag me all the way back down to hell again. i think it's easier to just frigging stay in hell, at least there's no false hope down here...i already know i'm a shit person and that i'm worthless, if i stay down here, at least i won't have people pretending to care, because you notice, most people ONLY care about if you are in crisis, it's like "y'know maybe if you were around when i don't feel like offing myself, i wouldn't feel like offing myself so much!" but of course, that makes too much sense. screw this.