My mind is beginning to decide.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by patodemuerte, Oct 2, 2007.

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  1. patodemuerte

    patodemuerte Well-Known Member

    I'm convinced that im beyond help. I'm convinced that everything would be alright if I killed myself. Not for me, because thats the shit. But for everyone around me. I create so much chaos and stress and no one around me deserves what i'm giving them.

    I'm going to go through with my plan forming in my mind. In about two weeks (for some vain reasons). Reasons that I need to deal with before I take my life away. For my mother, so that I can be somewhat like the daughter that she wanted. She insists im more than good enough but I know what she wants of me, and I agree completely, but I cant do it.

    So two weeks from now about, like I said, I've tried to get myself to explain myself at least a little to them and I cant bring myself to do it. Theres no use anyways, Im so far from help. I really am and no matter what anyone says I know this is true. There is no doubt in my mind of it. I just need to die. Two weeks.

    I need to gather my supplies between now and then i suppose. :sad:
  2. Beret

    Beret Staff Alumni

    Please stay alive. Youre needed and loved by many.
  3. patodemuerte

    patodemuerte Well-Known Member

    ha! wow thats a generic answer, what do you go to each post and put that so we feel special?
  4. Henry-hmm

    Henry-hmm Member

    If you know for certain that you are going to kill yourself, why are you posting on a forum that tries to convince people not to kill themselves? As smart as you may believe you are and certain as you may think, you are uncertain, if you weren't I wouldn't have the opportunity to communicate with you would I?
  5. patodemuerte

    patodemuerte Well-Known Member

    yes i do suppose thats correct. I suppose as well that I want to believe that im not too far gone.

    I dont know what to do next, but my suicide is the only completely logical thing in my life. Its what all my failures point to.

    I'm so sad.

    I dont know what do do.
  6. Henry-hmm

    Henry-hmm Member

    I know what you should not do next, suicide isn't the answer. Your problems are temporary, suicide is permanent. You haven't failed yet, you keep trying, and as long as you try you haven't failed. You are sad, you want to be happy, if you are dead you can't feel the happiness can you?

    There is a lot you can do, you can go talk to someone, like you are now, talking to people here, talking to me. You can call a friend or a family and just talk to them. There are a lot of people who care and love you, just look for them. Listen to nice music, music calms the soul. How about a walk, go to the park, go to the beach, clear your mind.
  7. patodemuerte

    patodemuerte Well-Known Member

    No. Theyre not temporary. Im stuck with me. And I refuse to be stuck with the one i hate most my whole life.

    As for the happy thing, it'd have been a welcomed experience in my life thus far though im 17 and i cant really tell you that i've felt it. I dont want to fix myself, i cant. I dont have the motivation to if i wanted. I just need to die.
  8. Henry-hmm

    Henry-hmm Member

    You hate most of your life... okay... well then what little part of it do you love. Hold onto that.

    You know it's funny, I'm 17 as well. I had no friends and my life was so routine, I stayed in my room all the time and wallowed in self pity. At school I'd just go about from class to class and hate everyone that past by, no one talked to me, I was alone. I was beginning to think my life would never change, really bad thoughts started to creep into my mind slowly, but I fought them, I kept telling myself over and over again that I'm still young, I have a whole life ahead of me, I have a whole lifetime to find happiness, find someone who will love me and spend time with me. This routine life of depression and hopelessness has been following me around for many years now.

    Now, notice how I used past tense? You know why? Because I've left that life behind (Few months ago), I'm no longer depressed, or sad, or whatever other negative words you want to put in there. I'm happy now, I don't need people to be happy, I can be happy all by myself. I'm rarely in my room anymore, most of the time I'm outdoors, at the park. I've started writing and reflecting on my life. When I am in my room, I do productive things, I read, I listen to music, I "attempt" to play the keyboard. lol, emphasis on attempt. :biggrin:

    The point is, it's up to you, if you want to be happy, you can be, no one can stop you but yourself. Once you are happy you will experience the world a lot differently, you will love it, you won't want to go back. Love your life and you will soon see that people love you.

    In these few months I've started to see school differently too, I enjoy going to class and am friendly with everyone I bump into at school, and I'm sure glad I did because if I hadn't taken the opportunity to change my life I wouldn't have met someone very special to me now that I love and cherish with all my heart, I've never been more happy in my 17 short years of life.

    There are a lot of good things in the world, but they won't just come to you, you have to take the first steps and get out of the darkness and step into the light, otherwise no one will see how wonderful you really are. :smile:
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 2, 2007
  9. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Dear pato thing's can improve please give them a proper chance my friend I can see you're seriously and genuinely struggling but please give yourself a chance.
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