My Mind Is Playing Havoc With My Life

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When I'm manic or 'high', I feel like nothing can touch me, I end up having hypersexualty, I start saying and doing things that I would not do...and this has caused me some legal issues. I start talking and talking and talking, I become restless, I just want to go and go and go, I end up spending money for no reason whatsoever....and this has caused me financial issues...

When I become depressed, I do not want to work. My mind races with so many thoughts I just can not keep up with them. I end up crying, I start to worry over EVERYTHING, I start thinking of past events, and worry about future events. I start having thoughts of suicide, and I can not sleep at night. I was put on Depakote and Lexapro, but since I do not have health insurance right now, I've already gone through another manic cycle, and depression.

It's like a roller coaster. Right now I'm in a depressed mood. My mind is so hard to control. Sometimes I wish they would just lock me up in a ward, feed me my three meals a day, medicate me, and help my brain with the havoc it's causing my life.

I know my pdoc says I'm Bi-Polar, but could it be more than just that? Is Bi-Polar a disease of the brain, or just a mental illness?


Account Closed
both and it is no light thing. ur brain (the organic part) is in less then efficant workin order. and ur mind (perseptions0 are letting u know. the trick is to not act on these. but a predecided sound idea of who u r. or something like that


Here's another theory for you- there is no right way to be a human being, just as there is no right way to be a mouse or a cat. You've been labelled in an attempt to categorize you by people who want a simple explanation of why your mind does not seem to work the way theirs does, who believe that people should (must) think and behave in simply and clearly defined ways. It does not necessarily mean that you are diseased, unless you accept their definition of what you are. Despite all the available literature, the study of the mind is a field in its infancy. Yet the indocrination and labelling you've experienced have totally altered your perception and even experience of yourself. This always fascinates me...different perceptions altering experience itself. People are raw materials that are shaped and molded by those with greater power.

From another perspective, your mind might actually be working better or more "efficently" than theirs. What if they had labelled you, "Amazing"? It's empowering to understand how others shape your perception of what you are, and even thus what you become. It can also be disburbing or result in cognitive dissonance, so you may choose to just accept their definitions.
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