my mind

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by total eclipse, Apr 13, 2010.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    My mind never gets over seeing him so grey oh dam it my mind never gets over he gone my mind won't let it go he is at peace yes well i want that peace idon't want this pain anymore but how do i get past all this the pain the flashbacks how does one just let it go therapy yes i amdoing that meds yes i am doing everything i can to beat this sadness but it comes back to wanting my peace to wanting my peace i need the sadness to go away why the hell won't it go away chest pain never leaves me now it is constant is it wrong to want out is it wrong to want what he has i see the suffering he has left behind and i know i don't want this for my family but i know i can't do this for much longer so what do i do i can't go to hospital i won't some that option would work but not me i just want out someone tell me how to get out of this sadness this pain without hurting others god im sorry for the weakness but i am tired maybe tomorrow i won't be so tired maybe i am just getting the thoughts out of my head i am just sad in aplace where i am drifting just drifting oh wanting forever sleep
  2. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    keep posting your thoughts violet. Its very important that you don't do anything that would hurt your family. This life is very temporary.
  3. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Hun you need to take a break. A physical break from it all. If you cant afford a hotel room then make arrangements to stay at a friend or relatives place even for just a weekend. But you need to get out of the same scenery and scenarios. Get out of your house and away from all the things that are tiring you out. Stay at someone elses place. Sleep in have a slow day, doing things at your pace and not anyone elses. After a late lunch, take a nice long walk. Raining, snowing, tornado.... doesnt matter just take that long walk and let your mind wander all over the place. Let it have the opportunity to do nothing!!! Not having to jump for anyone else but you and your needs. After supper go rent a view movies you've been planning to see but never seem to find the hour for. Get the most sinful treats you can let yourself have. Find a comfy spot, snuggle up under a warm blanket and relax while you watch the videos!!!! Go to sleep when you want and wake up the next morning the same way, when you want.

    Then wrap that lovely weekend up in a special box and tuck it somewhere inside. But not too far away. So when you get home, you can quickly remember all the free time you spent. Might help to make the hectic things in your life slow down even for a few seconds.

    Hun you've been running in overdrive for so very long now. Forget about the rest of the family for one weekend. ONE weekend. The world isnt going to melt and disappear if you do this for yourself. But if you dont, you may just very well melt and disappear. Please violet. Be gentle to yourself for one weekend.... please :arms:
  4. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    I agree with Carla... get away for a little while. Don't worry about the computer. It will take care of itself. Just get away.
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    sorry just tired thats all i hear you i don't have friends and my family well theyare all sick and my husbands family lol no way. i think i will try to go to bed early tonight so when girl wakes me upat7 am i will have slept some i don't work tonight so i can get to bed early i hope i have no nightmares to night
    i am glad to see you back carla This place the computer is my escape from my world but people come and go there is not real connections but i have always looked after me i don 't why i am not coping not looking after me to great lately. i want them all well but they are not getting well and i don't want to see anymore go away i don't want to be the one who has to carry that load i don't want to do that please i don't want that sadness anymore. i want her well and on her own so i can do what is necessary but she won't get well she just won't sleep maybe iwill try to just gooutside without anyone noticing and just go by the creek for awhile take care okay thanks for all you support okay sorry i am just letting the pain out a bit im alright take care okay i will be okay
  6. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    Oh violet i can hear so much pain.....i hope you get your walk by the creek and find it relaxing....
    pm if you need to...:cheekkiss:hug::flowers::rose:
  7. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    i wish i could cry maybe i would feel better i am not for doing that but i cried at my therapist i hate when i cry it hurts too much. I am alright i am sorry i have no right to burden others with this pain they all have so much suffering inside it hurts I wish there was a way to take the suffering from everyone away but that not life is it. Noone gets a free ride in this world at sometime we all suffering just more than some it seems. I have fought so much and won i just don't understand why i am not able to fight this why i keep faltering i just want to understand what it will take to stop the suffering. I am doing everything possible i guess it will just take more time i just need to be patient Its been too long im been sad i need to get on top of this now so i have the strength to help them oh god who will help them when im gone who they will cope they willfind a way oh god it will be okay im alright iwill be okay because i will make it okay i will get themstrong and well they will survive time for bed now everything will be okay it always is right it will be okay it will be.
  8. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    :i'm sorry::night::hug:
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.