My mom always smokes cigarettes and coughs

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by ShyGuyDeluxe, Jul 22, 2012.

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  1. ShyGuyDeluxe

    ShyGuyDeluxe Active Member

    It always feels like I don't really become awake until night time. I can't think during the day because my mom keeps coughing from cigarettes and making noise to try stressing me out for attention, I'm guessing.

    Anyways, now my knuckle on my right hand's middle finger hurts a LOT, from another rage I went through from being ticked off from constantly hearing my mom cough and make noises (when she was the one that made me come home from my girlfriend's house 2 weeks early, and I can't go back for the whole summer,) and I keep ending up breaking things and hurting myself in different ways, for the past half-a-year, from being so stressed from my mom.

    She's on oxygen machines, but she still always smokes and coughs from it. And I'm already always stressed out about everything. I want to move out, but I don't think I'd be able to handle being alone, and I'm not that independent yet (but I am working on it now.)

    How do I deal with always hearing my freaking mom always coughing in an annoying freaking loud way from her cigarettes, and always sliding the chairs across the hard kitchen floor to make noise, and always closing everything loud, just to stress me out, but she completly changes into being quiet once my dad comes home from work.....

    How do I ignore my mom's annoying coughs, is what I was trying to ask? It's hard to concentrate on making drawings, programming games, and masturbating to my girlfriend, when she's always freaking coughing and making noises (until night time, when she sleeps.)

    I have no idea where to post this, that's why I posted it here. (Hello, guys.)
  2. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    hi shyguy...sounds like your Mum is in a bad way and I can see how that noise would annoy you
    sounds like your anxiety levels are high..
    I'm pretty sure your Mums would be too if she's so ill.
    instead of hurting yourself perhaps could you go for a walk or run to get rid of some of that negative energy and stress?

    have you actually told her how the noise makes you feel? perhaps she would be more considerate if she realized how it affects you.
    have you tried wearing ear plugs or even ear phones with music playing?

    I hope you find a solution to this so you and your mum can enjoy your time together :hug:
  3. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    It sounds like you two are oil and water together - you don't mix well. That is tough if you have to spend time together. :hug:

    Immediate ideas off the top of my head: Could you get a job part time to get you out of the house a bit? Or take a summer course? Or volunteer at something? If you must be at home with your mom, could you pay her a bit more attention so she decreases the extra antics? (assuming that she will do that, of course)

    A sad possibility here is that your mom is very sick, knows she is very sick, and wants some kind of relationship with you - even an angry one. People who are sick long-term often get cranky and demanding because being sick for a long time is hard on the body and spirit. She might be manipulating you, but she might also actually need you because she doesn't feel well and being with people is a distraction. (And yes, I do realize she is making her cough worse herself by smoking still, but smoking is a hard habit to lose. Also, if her cough isn't going to go away even if she stops smoking, she might be in a "who cares" sort of mindset.)

    How about talking to her? A heart to heart that shows you are calm, mature, ready to listen to her (and maybe forgive her for her habits). Just a suggestion here: Although she is annoying you, it would help you to keep your anger reined in - no bashing things, hurting yourself - because she can use those things to say you're not helping her at all. In a tense situation like this, one of you has to be the better person...:dunno: (And if you can have a calm talk, maybe you can negotiate some compromises about life in the house and what you need and want and what she needs and wants.)

    Another possibility is to talk to your dad and say that there are differences in how she acts when he is home and when he's at work, and that it's very frustrating. He might be able to talk to her with you or for you. However, I suspect that it would be better for you to do your own talking with your mother about this.

    Well, I'm not surre if I have made any sense at all here, but please know that I'm thinking of you. I hope you'll let us know how things are going.
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I'm in your moms position. I have asthma and smoke between 30-40 cigarettes a day and cough every time. Please try and realise that giving up smoking is extremely hard. I've tried nearly every methods but always ended up back on them. I'm sure if she could, she wouldn't be smoking, try and encourage her to give them up and support her, thats what I'm lacking, support.
  5. ShyGuyDeluxe

    ShyGuyDeluxe Active Member

    Thank you =)
    I'm also so afraid of people. They're..always mean to me online...and... abandon me and say they don't like me at all any more because of stuff that other people tell them that isn't true... Someone was just mean to me online and yelled at me and I got all covered with sweat and chest pains and now my spine hurts, I thought that person was my only online friend, but someone else made them not like me any more, just like with my other online friends, blah.
  6. ShyGuyDeluxe

    ShyGuyDeluxe Active Member

    my mom is coughing in the MOST ANNOYIGN WAY POSSIBLE AND IT's giving my chest pains and keeps stressing me out. It is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FREAKING annoying, I have to quit playing all of my video games with headphones on because it's too distracting to keep hearing my mom coughing, who smokes cigarettes 8 time a day. I have to get up at 9am for a doctor check up, but now I have to stay up all night since the whole day I can't think at ALL CUZ MY MOM KEEPS COUGHING and making annnoying noises for attention oh my gawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwd also I have absolutely no friends but I'm too shy and can't drive but whateva
  7. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Sounds like you and your mum need to have a long heart-2-heart conversation about your feelings and these current circumstances - what are her expectations etc. Say you need to be really honest with her about the stress you are feeling and why, and say you would like to try and find ways together where you can balance each others' expectations more, because no one is 'winning' so as to make life enjoyable the way things are. If she refuses to see your side of things, enlist the help of your Dad - this would be my suggestion anyway...... also a way for you to practice coping with conflict in a positive way, which is all good as far as maturing-for-life goes, hun. All the best :)
  8. ShyGuyDeluxe

    ShyGuyDeluxe Active Member

    my body is terrible

    Well it still bothers me, my counselor told me to look at it in a Logical way and not an Emotional way so I don't rage, but logically my mom shouldn't be smoking and making annoying wheezing/coughing noises all day for attention.

    Anyways, blah...

    I've always been so depressed... And my body is sore... Very sore. I'm under 98 pounds and I'm 25, and I REALLY want to be checked up.

    My mom's making me go to a doctor I do NOT like, because it's so close to the house, but he always tells me I have the Mental disease known as Aspberger's and there's Nothing wrong with me, but he's REALLY lazy and always just uses Google for everything and every time I tell him I have any sort of problem, he always just tells me quickly to Look it up on google, and he always thinks I'm just being too paranoid, and he skips most of the check-up to save time, blah.

    I want my old doctor back, but my mom told me her workers say that he makes fun of his patients... Well anyways...

    Ow, my knees, and feet, keep getting sore pulsing pains. My legs feel like I could have a blood clot in my left leg (I'm ALWAYS inside on the computer, I have no friends, never have,) and my right arm and shoulder and part of my body feels bad from always reaching out for the mouse. I wish I had a personal doctor... And a real, caring, mom...

    I need friends... And I don't drive, my mom sleeps all day and my dad's at work until night.. And I'm worried that people will be bad people that say Cuss words and make fun of me for liking Nintendo game, awah.
  9. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    Re: my body is terrible

    Despite the health effects, people don't seem to be able to quite smoking. Everyone has their own ways of doing things - for me, I added up the cost and then decided I would rather have other things instead of 'up in smoke,' so I quit and began buying what I collect and suddenly I was surrounded with more of that particular item than one could imagine and happy as heck, plus healthier for it. Whatever method of quitting one chooses, it might benefit you to work with her and see if you can be of assistance. Tell her you're concerned for her health, not that it's bothering you on a stress level. Also, don't let her know you are stressed when she acts out, because that may be what makes her continue. Finally, I recently picked up some of what are called "noise cancelling headphones." They're made by Bose and are incredible. You can't hear a thing when they are on, no outside noises... just the music you are plugged in to. They're really comfortable too. You might want to consider something like that so that you don't have to hear your mom coughing and slamming things around.
  10. soulreaper

    soulreaper Well-Known Member

    Re: my body is terrible

    dear shy guy.. i went thru the same thing... i sue to throw around furture and break stuff, cause the noises would anger me, little did i know i HAD PARANOID SKITZOPHENIA... people laughing i would think it's about me, I thought the coughing was for attention, and noises of banging around would irritate me... I want you to do an exercise of self talk... I want you to repeat in your head, the coughing is not for you attention, the coughing is not for your attention.... for the noises all i can suggest is ear plugs or music... I would see a docotr to get your head checked out, best of luck. you are paranoid and focus too intensely on these noises... anything to relieve the stress such as a brisk walk may help, the more you let the noises get to you, the more angry you will get, no one wins if you start freaking out, try to remain calm, don't lose you head.
  11. ShyGuyDeluxe

    ShyGuyDeluxe Active Member

    Re: my body is terrible

    Heyy, austin, what headphones are they? Can ya link me to them?

    Aw, thank you, guys. Gr, my mom told me to just walk where a dead bug was, without cleaning the spot first (which I did,) and yet she told me Grandma and Grandpa that my lovely girlfriend is "Filthy" when she was listing all the things she doesn't like about my girlfriend, which made them get disgusted and stop talking about her. Even though she showers daily and is busy working around the house and cleaning it up all day, daily.

    And I still think my mom does that stuff for attention. After all, the SUXY doctor I think I stopped going to, kept on telling me to "Stop breathing like that" until I stopped wheezing. He always just tells his assistant about how I have the mental disease known as Aspberger's Syndrome and tells me I'm fine. I keep telling my mom every single day to PLEASE call my old doctor that I love, that my girlfriend's mom also loves, but my mom keeps not calling him (I've never had a friend, I'm too shy to call anyone by myself.)

    I'm all paranoid about my body, I have been ever since I was about to turn 23, since on the ghost-talking Ouji board thingy, my brother made a ghost say that I was going to die when I was 23 years old. I'm older than that now, but I'm under 98 pounds and I have to have the air conditioner on at night so I don't hear my parent's tv, and it makes me body pulse all over, and blah..

    My good old doctor used to give me anti-paranoria pills to take at night time, but on wikipedia it said the side-effects include shrinking of the brain mass size, and shortened life span, so I never took the pills I got a subscription for.

    I'm just rambling, maybe, I don't know, but anyways, I'm freaking lonely. I wish my dad bought me a car last month on my birthday. And my mom is coughing now, awah. The ticking of a ticking clock bothers me too. GAH, she coughed again. I sent 120 pages of me complaining about my mom, to my girlfriend, but she's never commented on it. I'm so worried about my body, I miss being young when my body didn't twitch and stuff.

    And I'm still ticked off that my mom told my Grandma and Grandpa negative stuff about my girlfriend, including that she's "Filthy," when I shower once every 3 months and change the bed sheets once every month, when my mom and dad set that stuff up for me, and yet my girlfriend seemed like the cleanest girl I know. My mom said she doesn't want my girlfriend to take her away from her. When I lay down in bed with my mom, her two legs move around and she makes weird noise and I freaking hope she's not freaking masturbating over me or some shiz, ever since we saw Dexter episodes where Dexter and his sister have an incestous relationship, it always seems like my mom is freaking attracted to me, and I don't like it.

    I wish I had friends offline, and online, although I have no idea how to talk to people (that's why I never talked to some girl that had a crush on me, back when I was single,) and STUFF!

    I just felt like rambling. I miss posting in my livejournal online, but I stopped posting in it a year ago when I realized it's pointless since no one visits meh online journal, so I guess I rambled here purrhaps, anyways meow. (I say random words when I don't know what to say, although everyone online thinks I'm trolling them because of that, blah.)

    Blah, and the only good pajama bottoms I have, have a hole where my crotch is. I wish I could get my mom to fix them. The other pajamas my mom bought me are too tight, in fact my socks and everything are too small and tight now, but online ex-girlfriends have told me I'm "Pathetic" in 2004, so I don't deserve to do stuff on my own, bu anyways, blah.

    And my computer chair is really bad for my back, it just leans back. The last computer chairs I had were bad too. I wish I had a computer chair that supported my back sitting up, more. My mom said before that all I know how to do is complain (the b cuss word, actually,) blah.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 19, 2012
  12. ShyGuyDeluxe

    ShyGuyDeluxe Active Member

    Grrr, my Mom keeps coughing loudly from cigarettes for attention, and it always wears me out and makes me tired, she tries to do that and expects me to want to sleep when she does, and anyways blaaah... I don't like being worn out from hearing my mom's annoying coughs, blah.
  13. AlienBeing

    AlienBeing Well-Known Member

    Funny, I started reading this thread and knew the post before you said so, that you had Asperger's. I think it comes from reading other people on here with Asperger's. There's a commonality in the way you tend to perserverate on things, paying no heed to anything anybody says about it. I know you probably can't help it, and probably won't do it, but you've been given some good advice here and you might try to take some of it. It's hard to say whether your perception of what is going on is accurate or not. I knew another girl on another forum who swore her mother coughed to annoy her. I find it doubtful that someone who is on oxygen and still smoking is coughing purposely to annoy her son even if it seems to you like she can stop when your Dad gets home.
  14. ShyGuyDeluxe

    ShyGuyDeluxe Active Member

    Gah, now my mom is coughing mad loud on purpose, just to get me mad. It is on purpose, she tells me her grandma always punched her across cement basement floors when she always got in trouble when I freak out at her, and threatens to punch me in the face, but anyways she was just coughing downstairs because she's going to work in 2 hours, and OW MY eyes keep PULSING BADLY from the stress of hearing my mom do that cough, I wish I could record her cough for you guys, cuz it's soo annoying, and she kept on telling me that I annoy my doctor that I love, a LOT today, to make me feel bad, and she keeps coughing to make me feel bad that she smokes cigarettes, oh gawd.

    a female that doesn't believe in me reminds me of .. my ex-girlfriend er .. no my ex-girlfriend ... was SUPAH bad when she broke up with me .. I is so scarred from it.. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH MY MOM keeps COUGHING NOW ... I want to SLEEP, but how can I when the last thing that I would hear is my mom annoyingly coughing!? O GAWD ;-; =( ARGH, CURSS cigarette-smoking moms, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH SHE'S COUGHING ARGH AARGH ARGH ARGGH =(
  15. ShyGuyDeluxe

    ShyGuyDeluxe Active Member

    Grrr, I didn't sleep since yesterday, and I was gonna go to sleep, but my mom KEEPS COUGHING SUPER FREAKING LOOUDLY annoyingly, and she keeps smoking cigarettes all day, and she does it with the bathroom window closed the whole time and afterwards. She says having the window open will blow the cigarette smoke into the house more. I'm wheezing as I type this, like MAAAAAAD, from second-hand smoke, oh well.

    And my computer chair does not support my back at ALL, I just lean forward cuz the chair goes wayyy back. Does anyone know any good computer chairs?

    ACK My feet/leg veins are pulsing like a MANIAC! As my mom keeps coughing. I need a better computer desk so I can have my legs down when I sit. And my back hurts and my Mom keeps coughing sooo loudly ear-piercingly annoyingly.
  16. ShyGuyDeluxe

    ShyGuyDeluxe Active Member

    and now my dad is cheating on my mom.. With the mother of a girl I had a crush on in 7th grade.

    It's so depressing, always being up at night and being SO ALONE AND DEPRESSED =( and when it's not night, my mom is always coughing from smoking cigarettes every day and being noisy and annoying.

    I'm so lonely and Depressed =(
  17. ShyGuyDeluxe

    ShyGuyDeluxe Active Member

    gosh, now I believe my mom masturbates when she asks me to lay next to her, which of course is followed by me moving into my room to sleep. GOSH. I have no friends at all. =(
  18. ShyGuyDeluxe

    ShyGuyDeluxe Active Member

    I always wake up at night time, when my mom is sleeping, then be up all night being depressed..

    It's 5AM and I've been depressed the entire night, I feel so lonely and stupid, how do you people feel better?
  19. ShyGuyDeluxe

    ShyGuyDeluxe Active Member

    Gosh, I stayed up all night getting drunk which I've only done for the 3rd time in my life, and kept puking all night long, and just went to bed.

    Yet I had to get out of bed cuz my MOM KEPT coughing.

    It made me make an angry noise, making my entire body pulse and twitch, so I got up and kept telling her to STOP IT, and she kept telling me it's MY FAULT and that she's coughing ONLY because she 'took her medicine' (an inhaler that I always have taken since I was a kid for Asthma and it never makes me cough) and then kept telling me it's MY fault for drinking that I get mad that she WON'T STOP COUGHING EVERY SINGLE SECOND from the 6 cigarettes she smokes a day/night. But my online best friend told me yesterday that he expects me to snap from my mom being insane and BLAH. My counselor said it would be mandatory to report my mom to authorities, but I'm an adult so she don't have to. And... I can't say more, no one's responded for awhile but anyways..

    My online best friend isn't even on now, like he keeps doing, and I have NO ONE TO TALK TO ;-;.
  20. VikKalmbach

    VikKalmbach Active Member

    Re: my body is terrible

    I don't think the noises are for your attention. First of all I can tell your brilliant, and I'll be your online friend if you'd like and never get mad at you for something. It's also very easy to say anything, to anyone from behind a computer.

    I don't want to get to personal but what is your situation ? Do you work? You mentioned a counsellor, is this someone you see privately?
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