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My mom died this afternoon

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by alice202, May 24, 2018.

  1. alice202

    alice202 SF Supporter

    She was receiving hospice care since Saturday and I have been with her every day his week. This morning I was able to tell her I love her and thank her for being my mom. Although she was unable to speak, I could tell by her response that she heard me.

    When she turned worse this afternoon they told me to call my sister and she came. We were caring for her with the nurse when mom died. I kept saying goodbye to mom with my tears for a while.

    The nurse and my sister hugged each other. My sister did not hug me or say anything to me or come anywhere near my mom. She just started making phone calls. She hates me.

    My mom was my only family. I am cut off from everyone else by my sister.

    I am alone in a hotel room with my grief. I feel so alone I can't stand it.
  2. Karmitkurmit

    Karmitkurmit King of the Hedge SF Supporter

    Hi Alice. I am so incredibly sorry for your loss.

    I have no words that will comfort you right now, but I wanted to let you know that you're not alone, at least not in thoughts. Put your sister aside for a moment and remember that you were there for your mum right to the end. She will have appreciated it even if she couldn't communicate it to you, as you recognised.

    Grief is hard but necessary, don't let your sisters actions take it from you; I was held back from grieving many years ago and it has had long lasting effects on me. We're here for you okay? Let it out but stay safe. {{Hedgehugs}}
  3. gypsylee

    gypsylee SF Supporter

    {{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}} @alice202

    How can your sister cut you off from everyone?

    Gypsy x
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am sorry your mother has left you. You were there for her and she loved you very much. I hope in time your sister will see what your mother would have wanted that you both be kind to each other. Please continue talking here ok we here you You are not alone ok Hugs to you
    alice202 likes this.
  5. nobodyknows71

    nobodyknows71 Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Hey there @alice202

    I’m so sorry for you loss, to lose a parent is so tough. There are no words that I can say to make you feel any better, but time does make the pain less, or at least you learn how to cope with it better.
    It sounds like you and you’re sister aren’t close, that’s a shame, but maybe now you could try to reconnect with here and others in your family, if that’s what you want.

    I know it’s not much but I’m sending you hugs.

    Keep your chin up, keep posting
    alice202 likes this.
  6. Lifeisagift

    Lifeisagift Well-Known Member

    Hello Alice
    My condoleances, I am so sorry for your loss and the pain you feel. Stay strong. You're not alone, you will never be. We can talk anytime.
    Take care
    alice202 likes this.
  7. LonelyHiker

    LonelyHiker Waitering for Godot

    I am so sorry for your loss, Alice :( And I think it is horrible the way your sister is acting! Families need to be supportive of each other at times like this, not adversarial. :mad:

    Shame on her

    alice202 likes this.
  8. Devenny

    Devenny Well-Known Member

    So sorry for your loss Alice. It is like being at the edge of the cliff when a parent dies. Felt like I was pushed up to the edge. No more generations before us. Doesn't help when your siblings alienate you. I went through the exact same thing with exception that I was not present when my mom passed. I was supposed to fly home in one week. She didn't make it. I struggle with that. Sibling locked me out of the house. Have not spoken to each other in 27 years. I was in my 20s when I lost both parents. I needed and still need support. I wish we could talk. You could talk. You shouldn't be alone now.
  9. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I'm terribly sorry for your loss @alice202 and here if you need someone to talk to. May she rest in peace x
    alice202 likes this.
  10. alice202

    alice202 SF Supporter

    Thanks for the support people.

    There is a chaplain working with the hospice who came by this morning. He talked to my mom and to me. He helped me say goodbye to her. He called me as soon as he heard that my mom died to offer comfort. I told him I could not face a burial with siblings who hate me. So I am going to meet him tomorrow morning and he will help me say goodbye to her, have our own service.

    I am glad she knew that I loved her.

    I am so glad I asked for the chaplain to come today, it worked out just right.
  11. JCC988

    JCC988 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry to hear that. I myself have very little family left so I know how it feels.
    alice202 likes this.
  12. sassy123

    sassy123 SF hugger Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hugs so sorry hun.
    alice202 likes this.
  13. Devenny

    Devenny Well-Known Member


    So glad to hear the chaplain was supportive. God has sent an angel to you. I pray that your are surrounded by loving supportive angels.
  14. alice202

    alice202 SF Supporter

    Thanks so much Devenny. I'm so sorry for what you went through losing your parents.
  15. Devenny

    Devenny Well-Known Member

    If you ever want to chat about anything. Maybe just about your day please feel free to pm me Alice.
    alice202 likes this.
  16. ForgottenFarewell

    ForgottenFarewell Well-Known Member

    I'm so very sorry for your loss. I am happy that the chaplain spoke to you and your mom. Double happy that he is going to meet you one on one tomorrow. The hospice that cared for my grandmother offered a grief recovery group that met for 12 weeks after. It helped a lot
    alice202 likes this.
  17. Deety

    Deety SF Supporter

    Hi Alice, I'm so sorry for your loss. I am glad the chaplain is meeting with you to have a farewell for your mother. I think this will be a cathartic service for you as you will hopefully feel safe to express yourself and receive comfort. Thinking of you... (((hugs)))
    alice202 likes this.
  18. alice202

    alice202 SF Supporter

    Thanks so much everyone, I am overwhelmed by your support.
    Deety and ForgottenFarewell like this.
  19. alice202

    alice202 SF Supporter

    Its so hard to sleep. I just wish she were still here for me to hold.
  20. Walker

    Walker Everything Zen Staff Member Safety & Support SF Social Media SF Supporter

    I'm so terribly sorry to hear about your mother. I wish that you weren't alone there to deal with that. Please just keep us on a string here - we're not the same as people there to give you a hug & comfort you but we do sincerely care & want to back you up. Best wishes.
    Jasonpi likes this.