My Mom Died

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by JeffK, Jan 31, 2007.

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  1. JeffK

    JeffK New Member

    My mom died last week from cardiac arrest. She had been sick and in a lot of pain from cancer surgery, so some of my relatives told me she was in a better place and at least out of her pain. But that didn't make it any easier on me. I cried more than I have ever cried about anything or anyone last week. I hardly ever cry about anything at all, but this made me cry uncontrolably at times. That part finally seems to be over now, but I'm still very depressed about this. She was the only person who ever really seemed to care about me, and now I'll never be able to talk to her again. This just really sucks. I am also really mad at myself for not spending more time with her before she died. I kept meaning to go by and visit her, but I figured I still had a lot of time to do that kind of stuff. Well, I ran out of time last week. And now I can see how selfish I was to not spend more of my free time with her while she was still alive. I would give anything to just go back a few years and change some of the things I have done or not done in this case. The worst part is that she died alone. No one was there to hold her hand or comfort her or let her know that they cared about her as she was dying. I turned out to be a really worthless son and I regret it all.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 31, 2007
  2. n3rd

    n3rd New Member

    My heart and sympathies are with you JeffK. I think most of us feel that we should have spent more time with our loved ones before they passed on. On some level I can relate to what you're going through, so if you need to chat, please PM me. Be strong and take care.
  3. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I am so so sorry for your loss, your pain must be unimaginable.

    First off, grief will take which ever course it feels it needs to, crying is ok and good for you, infact, anything you feel is ok and justified. It will take time to deal with this, so allow yourself that time, allow yourself to feel the pain (blocking it out only makes it worse), maybe get a bereavement counsellor, which will enable you to remember your mum as you want.

    It is really important that you remember that your mum loved you, and you loved her, and you both know that. Everyone has regrets, and I know that no matter how much I tell you you are not selfish, you will not believe it until you are ready, but really try to see that you were not selfish, this was unexpected, that's not your fault.

    Try not to shut people out, keep talking to people, seeing people, allowing people to look after you, etc.

    I lost my best friend and it really does hurt, but I found writing him letters and things like that really helped me. Just a thought.

    If you ever want to chat, then my PM box is always open.

    Take care of yourself
  4. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Hun, everyone has regrets when someone dies, it's natural. We all wish we'd done something differently.
    The loss of a mother (at least a good one) is probably one of the hardest losses we face. Grieve for her hun and then remember all the good times you had.
    The best thing you can do for your mum now is have a happy and fulfilled life..make her proud.:hug: :hug: :hug:
  5. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    I am so sorry about you mother. It is a hard thing to deal with... Death... It just tears you up, but she's in peace now. But know she'll always be in yout heart. If you would ever like to talk hun, message me ok? I am here for you, if you'd like a friend....please know I am here ok? :hug: :hug: :hug:
  6. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    First let me tell you how deeply saddened i was to hear of the sudden loss of your mother. Even though she had been so sick, the cardiac arrest was unexpected. There was no way to plan for this. Any time we lose a loved one we are overcome with not only feelings of loss, but often times guilt that some things were left undone. We not only grieve for the loss of what we had, but for what we will no longer have. Allow yourself time to grieve. Time for your feelings to take on all forms. You mentioned you felt as if you were not a good son as you did not spend the time you think you should have with your mom. None of us know how much time we have to spend with those we love. Often times we put things off thinking we can always do them tomorrow, but sometimes tomorrow never comes. I am sure your mom knew how much you loved her, even in the end. I do not wish for my children to see me go. I was with my grandmother, grandfather, and father when they passed away. It is something i do not wish for my own children as i know the pain it causes. There are still the feelings of regret that i did not spend enough time with my dad at the end of his life, nor the months previous to that. The fellings will not go away overnight. Try to hold close the memories of the times when you and your mother were happy. Maybe some of the things you did together. But most of all, allow yourself to cry for her. For you. Your cornerstone has fallen away from your building and you are left to shore it up with what materials you have onhand.It takes time, thought, and a great deal of energy to accomplish. i am thinking of you. Take care. :hug:
  7. JeffK

    JeffK New Member

    Thanks to everyone who responded. I just really needed to vent about this and it feels good to know that there are people who care.

    It is still so hard to face the reality that I'm never going to see her or talk to her again. The finality of it is what really gets to me. If there was just some way to go back and do everything differently, I would.

    I don't have anyone like her in my life now. My friends are shallow and superficial and don't really seem to care. My other relatives are not like her at all. My dad, for example, hardly ever wants to talk to me or spend much time with me. He's like the total opposite of my Mom.

    I know this sounds horrible, but why couldn't it have been him instead of her? Why couldn't my Mom live to be an old woman? Life just doesn't seem to be fair at all.
  8. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    You are not alone in your thoughts JeffK. sometimes we wonder why someone was taken from us instead of someone else. It is not that we really wish that person were gone, we just want our loved one back. We are here for you as long as you need us to be. remember we care about you. :hug:
  9. feelmypain

    feelmypain Well-Known Member

    I am really sorry for your loss JeffK
    when I read this thread I was really sad and I cant even imagine that happening to me..even thinking of it makes me want to burst into tears..its the worse pain ever to lose someone that close to you that actually cares about you..this should be a wake up call for everyone else to spend more time with family

    You have my sympathy
    Be strong my brother
  10. Hom.Sha.Bom

    Hom.Sha.Bom Member

    I'm so sorry about your mom, Jeff. I praise every day that I have with mine. She has had numerous heart surgeries, and has had her back broken a few times. I don't know if I would be able to live if my mom died, she is the only one who actually understands me. I really hope you get through this. If you want to talk PM me, and you have to know this forum is full of people who care.
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