My mom is a trigger

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by mpang123, Dec 12, 2013.

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  1. mpang123

    mpang123 Well-Known Member

    Just got off the phone with my mom again. She keeps giving me a hard time about me smoking. I chose to smoke as an adult and I know it is bad for me, but I still choose to smoke. I know I am in control of what I want to do to my body even if it harms me. This is my only rebellion to my controlling mom. This is the only thing in my life that I chose for myself. Not the wish of my mom. I got so angry with her that I told her not to ever see me again, not even for the holidays. Then I told her not to even include me in her will because since I'm on disability and can't have much assets. Therefore, it is a burden for her to set up a will that will not affect my disability income, the only thing that helps me financially, even though I'm very poor. I now remember that many of my past suicide attempts were out of contempt for my mom's negative judgment on me and I wished I died because of her. I am very angry right now and a lot of past feelings about how much I hate my mom makes me want to kill myself again. I told her don't even care if I die because then I won't upset her anymore.
  2. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Would probably be more healthy for you to just avoid interacting with her if this is the result. Stop answering or taking her calls. If she changes over time fine, but you are an adult and no longer need her approval or to cater to her. Make your own way and if she is not part of that in a healthy supportive manner than you do not need her involved.
  3. mpang123

    mpang123 Well-Known Member

    Thank you NYJ, my neighbor just said the same things along with what you've said. I need to set up serious boundaries with her because I've let her walk all over me all these years. When I was a minor, she always told me that when I turn 18 and an adult, I can do whatever I want. Then when I did turn 18, she still relentlessly tried to nag on me about everything that I do, especially when I share my problems with her. She can't handle my problems so I will not share them with her anymore. Lesson learned.
  4. wyngedbyste

    wyngedbyste Well-Known Member

    Or it could be that she just really really loves you and wants the best for you and doesn't know any other way to show it. Or perhaps she is dealing with her issues and it's not all about you. If you don't like her nagging, tell her that you know she cares and tell her how you need to hear that from her. If she can't comply, then limit your interactions. People treat us the way we let them.

  5. mpang123

    mpang123 Well-Known Member

    I've allowed my mom to control me all these years and put up with her BS. I'm tired of always thinking she's always right and I'm always wrong. It doesn't boost my self-esteem at all. It's just that her demands on me is impossible to always please her and I'm always the guilty daughter. I've received therapy about setting boundaries but never really done that because I thought my mom is right. I can hear her shrill voice in my head always reminding me on how I should live my life according to her expectations and advice. Why can't she just accept me as I am as an adult and not bring me down all the time. She always have the last word in everything and I'm never approving of her. I'm tired of living my life meeting her expectations on me. I choose to smoke because I feel so independent and empowered that at least there's one thing that she can't control even though it will cost me my health. At least I'm not suicidal over smoking. She's just going to accept that I want to smoke just like other smokers in this world.
  6. emily83

    emily83 Well-Known Member

    i'm sorry that your mom is a trigger

    i hope you can either work something out with her, or manage to do what's right for you
  7. MessengerFromHell

    MessengerFromHell Well-Known Member

    I suggest that you stop any form of interaction with her for the being for your self care.
  8. mpang123

    mpang123 Well-Known Member

    I know I said some things to my mom that was out of anguish last night, but now that I slept on it, I calmed down and was able to talk to my mom this morning when she called me. I wasn't mad at her anymore and I actually apologized because I told her that I was just mad that she keeps nagging me about my smoking. I told her that I'm also smoking my e-cigs that has helped me tremendously by clearing my lungs and not coughing, no more bronchitis or pneumonia because I don't inhale smoke or take in carcinogens and tar that chronic smokers get. I told her it was her idea of me trying e-cigs so she was glad about me switching and she hopes that I will quit real cigs and only smoke e-cigs for better health. So now, I'm seeing her next Sat. to celebrate Christmas early. However, I'm going to have to work on setting boundaries with her and that's what I'm learning in group therapy. I'm just happy that we made up, as usual.
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