my mom told me she hates me

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Amberrr, Dec 10, 2010.

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  1. Amberrr

    Amberrr Well-Known Member

    For the past month or so my relationship with my mother has been really bad. Everything turns into a huge fight, and it usually gets physical.

    About an hour ago, I was on my laptop doing something for school and my mom told me I needed to get off. I told her I could get off in about an hour and she said that was too long. By now i was starting to lose my temper and told her that she could wait. Then she starts yelling at me and the argument starts. So we're screaming at each other, and I get pissed and just ignore her and continue my work. Then she comes up to me and pulls on my hair really hard to get me to look at her, and slaps me across the face. I push her away with my foot and she tugs on my hair harder and starts slapping me repeatedly. I start crying and she lets go and screams in my face that she hates me and wishes that i was never born so she would'nt have to put up with my bullshit.

    I know she's serious because this isn't the first time she has done this to me, but it's the first time she ever told me she hates me. I don't know what to do.
     
  2. damage.case

    damage.case Well-Known Member

    I would usually advocate a violent response next time she slaps you, but you'll have to continue living with her, I assume. Is your dad around?
     
  3. Amberrr

    Amberrr Well-Known Member

    No, my parents are divorced and my dad lives about 3 hours away
     
  4. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hi Amber. I'm sorry to hear that your mom said that to you. I'm sure she doesn't mean it. Maybe you should talk to her when you're both calm and let her know that it really hurt you. :hug:
     
  5. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    About 15 years ago, my mother told me the same thing...there was no fight, just a discussion of how she did not protect me, and her answer was not an apology for sending me to my father the rapist, but instead, "you know I never liked you"...people do not understand the power of their words and actions...your mother was wrong! no one should be hit and no one should be treated that way...no matter what you said...you are the child and she could have simply said something that communicated, although I love you I do not like what you are doing...this reminds me of what Buddha said about anger...I am paraphrasing...we do not have to control our anger, but instead we are controlled by our anger...I feel sad for you but also said for her...look at the daughter she is missing...quite a pity...please know it is her problem and you are worth so much more than to have been treated that way...big hugs
     
  6. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Am assuming you're a teenager?
    Mum's and daughters, a difficult combination as soon as said daughter reaches puberty.
    Daughter is trying to gain her independence and mum is hanging on for dear life to her little girl.
    I think I fought with my mother from 13 to 17 :laugh:
    She told me she hated me and I said I hated the sight of her, more times than I care to mention.
    It was so acrimonious in our house that I left as soon as I could.
    Several years later and a mother myself I kind of understand where my mum was coming from, we are now the best of friends.
    Try not to head butt with her and if there is a time where you think you could have a proper conversation with her, then bring up how hurtful what she said was.
    Hang in there it does get better with age.
     
  7. Amberrr

    Amberrr Well-Known Member

    Thanks.... but I do think she was serious because she's been saying similar things to me my whole life.
     
  8. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Hmmm, then tbh a ratbag of a parent :mad:
    Try to weather it all while you have to live at home then leave as soon as possible, some parents should never have had kids, and by God! they make my blood boil :mad:
    I've been absolutely furious with my son before now but I never stopped loving him just didnt like him very much at that moment.
    I can't get my head round a parent who doesnt love their child.
    As I say, keep a low profile, do whatever it takes to keep her off your back then move out as soon as you're able. :hug:
     
  9. damage.case

    damage.case Well-Known Member

    I don't think continuing to live in an abusive home is a good idea. Can you move in with your dad?
     
  10. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    just a thought, do you by any chance look like your dad?
     
  11. Amberrr

    Amberrr Well-Known Member

    I don't really have anywhere to move...I mean, I could live with my boyfriend, but I think thats a little too much to ask, and my brothers in college :/
    And people say I look like my dad but I don't really see it
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 11, 2010
  12. chjones21

    chjones21 Well-Known Member

    Hey Amberrr. This is taking the other point of view - so feel free to ignore if need be. Imagine you were living at your boyfriend's house and his mother came and asked to use the computer --- would you say to her that she could wait? To live well with people takes both people making an effort and both being mature, obviously you are younger than your mother and there is NO excuse for what she has done or said to you and she needs to be the more mature, grown-up, calm individual in this case but she is struggling. Perhaps you could both sit down together a d try to work out what would need to be changed or done by both of you in order to make this a relationship where you enjoyed each others company and helped each other and had fun together - a bit of a challenge to try to change inbuilt habits and behaviours but do you think it is worth the effort or do you think it could never work?

    I would think your mother does love you but is just not very good at coping with the occasional challenges of being a parent and you are bearing the fallout from that, which isn't right.

    I would agree with what is said above, if nothing can change or is likely to change, stay until you can find somewhere else to go. A close friend of mine's mother actually moved out of their house to live with her boyfriend as their relationship was so strained when she was fifteen and yet now - ten years later - they are as close as you can imagine with her mother helping her with her you g daughter.... So everything can change for the better with time. In the meantime, i guess try to get on with your school and exams and see if a possible option to move out can be found ---- or a way for you both to interact in a more healthy, functioning way with each other.
     
  13. sunshinesblack

    sunshinesblack Well-Known Member

    you know so many moms are just pure crap, they like sex and ups! yet another kid even though we dont have the money for him too, god how annoying the brat is!, they are 30 and dont want to miss the train, they fell safe in the role and its the sole reason,they dont want! batter females around, sometimes I have the feeling most parents hate theyr kids with a passion once they realize the kid wants to be a person and not hes security for old age, and if the kid is troubled hes obviously of no use.

    Also be shure she hates you look good and young and your ego is so annoyingly intact and will try to kill as much as that as posible, shell act disgusted of your sexuality and attitudes cause its something she cant do anymore, since shes already stuck in her life and bitter, seriously grow up people. Nurture what shes afraid of, id say its your best bet, NEVER beat yourself up for what shes doing to you.
    Dont let her know how you feel, the best way is to just emphasize feelings randomly like one you feel very spiteful other oh so scared but make sure your true feelings are kept well away even if what you are showing is the feeling from 1 hour ago.
    Accept shes crap and show her,you dont have to "face her" just keep your attitudes to yourself and refine them.Depending one someone is skery when the someone is mean but you need to fight your fear it does not men shes not despisable and not controlable. Best friend youll find is the one you grow in yourself it never lives you and knows you the best.
    As an adult she probably is more refined and knows how to hide stuff batter, notices the behaviors pattern so you need to work on that, dont say what first comes in mind like you did at the computer she picks up you are not fully there and its the best time to be abusive, be obedient and nurish it till its truly poison and tell it than. Maybe in the form of a random comment.

    Sorry not positive to say, but if I where 10 years back id know I have to fight like hell and do everything backwords with total method,wish someone wound have told me, i was alone, had no one, and had to trust her and now regret dearly I did, my own idiocy would have worked much batter for me.

    Anyway good thing is shes fighting you for a reason and that's because you have advantages that wound her ego and make her bitter, dont let her take them away.

    Grow your opinions and dialectical/ logical thinking,( it looks good from the outside but it can be used wery wrongly ) and dont be afraid to tell them at the most wrong times, true unpredictability kinda calms people down. Try to learn when shes off guard.

    Learn to see her flaws and weaknesses. So she knows shes being watched by a jugging mind not a scared kid! Show you know how to talk about your issues and may talk very unpleasantly to others about her. Since its an ego battle she wont like it, if she acts like she doesn't care take the time to test it, have a well thought discourse that you will adapt easily to the person you speak with.

    In short hate her back but do it with style , she fully deserves it!
     
  14. sunshinesblack

    sunshinesblack Well-Known Member

    chjones21 I dont think the so called other point of view is fair. You are right on the description but forget the "under new circumstances" thing. People act pristine when in a new environment, you can see it with new dorm students. Than after barriers disolve and things sattle people become less considerate about these things. People do this all the time and while it may not be good am shure Amberr has got to see herself some of her moms "dirty loundry" along the line. You should phrase the thing with "how would you act after 1o years of liveing with your bf and hes mom" in that situation. Cause you can get things change radically if you are honest. Sure its good to not make things escalate but your argument sounds like the type a mother would use when shes just needs to let off some steem and does not care herself about her dirty loundry. Just an annoying social reality.And ma sure Amberr does not need the extra guilt since she has enough to deal with.
     
  15. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    hey you might want to check this out

    National Domestic Violence Hotline
    24 hour hotline phone: 800.799.SAFE (800.799.7233)
    www.thehotline.org


    it's really wrong for your mom to say and do such hurtful things
     
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