My mom told me she wants to see my arms

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by allison, Sep 20, 2011.

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  1. allison

    allison Well-Known Member

    I think my mom's onto me. She's seen the burn marks I made with a cigarette. I told her that I got them while I'd been cooking, but I think she still doubted it. Now, I've cut quite a few times on my arms and I've got bandaids over them to cover them up, but my mom will still get suspicious when she sees the bandaids so I put on a jacket as well. It's hot in our country right now (not sweltering, but not exactly cool, either) so now she's probably majorly suspicious when she sees that I'm wearing a jacket, even if it's just light and thin. She even said, "I want to see your arms." I was able to fend her off because she was in a hurry to leave, but I'm afraid she'll want to see my arms when she gets home. When she sees my cuts, I know it'll just destroy her and I don't want that to happen.

    Anybody know how to cover up scabs?
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 20, 2011
  2. Isabel

    Isabel Staff Alumni

    hello Allison,

    Hun, there is no way to cover scars. My best friend still has them from the time she was cutting over 20 years ago. And this might be a good thing. You mom cares about you and she should know what is going on in your life so that she can help and support you. Being honest and open is liberating and as difficult as it might be for her to accept at the beginning, your mom will want to know the truth. And this wont destroy her. Mothers can reach out in a deep pool of inner resources when its time to help their children.
     
  3. allison

    allison Well-Known Member

    I'm planning on telling them once the scabs heal. I just don't want them to be jolted by the redness of the wounds... For now, I would like to wait.
     
  4. Isabel

    Isabel Staff Alumni

    Waiting might not be much of an option. But you could speed up the healing. Try to ice it (dont apply the ice directly, wrap it in something like a washcloth) to control the swelling and apply topical cream like ozonol or polysporin. In my experience, ozonol works best. Also, live it exposed to the air as much as possible. If you have to cover it, use a breathable bandage.
     
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Your mother will want to get you some help hun try to be honest with her okay hugs:hugtackles:
     
  6. allison

    allison Well-Known Member

    I'm kind of reluctant to tell them because they might make me see a psychiatrist and it might delay my graduation. I'm graduating from college in 2012 and I don't want them to waste the money they already spent on my tuition and my dad's already so stressed out with work. He has to go abroad practically every month and he can't stop to rest too often. I'm afraid if he finds out I have a problem with self-injury, he'll just die...

    He already had a quadruple bypass about 2 years ago and he's not really eating healthy or exercising much because he's swamped at work. I don't want to shorten his life any more.

    My mom also is beginning to age. She's got menopause and osteoarthritis and her hair is graying. This might just make her age faster because she'll be worrying about me when she has all these other things to worry about too. It just seems like a hassle.
     
  7. lycoris

    lycoris Well-Known Member

    Sounds like your family all care about each other a great deal. I dont think this will be a "hassle" to them hun your their baby and they will want to help. I think the best thing to do if your mum really pushes to see your arms is to sit down calmly with them and explain why you dont want her to see.
     
  8. allison

    allison Well-Known Member

    OK so you really think I should tell them ASAP so they can help? Or can I wait till the scabs heal a bit so it's not too jarring? I don't want to shock them or anything....
     
  9. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    I would suggest telling them now. It will be easier on them. Maybe you could also get some Bio-Oil to help the cuts heal.
     
  10. lycoris

    lycoris Well-Known Member

    No im saying you should tell them instead of showing them. Its better to hear it than see it really.

    And from a privacy point of view theres no reason to have to show them anyway they are your arms.

    If you think about it shes still finding out what she wants to know but you arent putting yourself through having to show anyone anything.
     
  11. allison

    allison Well-Known Member

    OK thanks everyone... I still don't know if I can quit cold turkey or if it'll be really difficult to stop. I've always thought it'd be easy for me to stop but sometimes I just do it and I don't feel bad about it afterwards, which says something else... I'll have to think things through on whether I should tell my parents or not... I'm leaning toward telling them now, honestly, but I really just don't want to see them get hurt.
     
  12. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hun sit down and talk with your parents tell them why you are harming yourself if you can No you do not have to show them the burns but as a mother i know i would want to help you by healing the wounds outside and in. hugs to you:hugtackles::hugtackles:
     
  13. distress

    distress Well-Known Member

    Stopping is definately the hardest part, its just so adictive. Maybe using other methods such as ice or something else. I have tried to stop but its just to hard to quit straight up and takes a while. You can do it we all believe in you
     
  14. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    Hello. They love you. They're going to be upset and worried about you whether your scars are bright red or not. Delaying will only make it harder in the end.
     
  15. allison

    allison Well-Known Member

    Many thanks again.

    I've thought real hard about it and I really am leaning toward telling my parents and getting help. I just don't feel really ready right now. The timing just doesn't seem right. My dad is abroad and my mom is just really busy. Plus, they've already booked us a family trip in October to go to Bangkok and I don't want to ruin that vacation, especially since my dad really needs it (he's stressed at his job and has to go abroad about twice a month for work. He even said a few nights ago while he was packing that he was feeling dizzy and tired and I don't want him to get another mini-heart attack.) I'll tell them after the Bangkok trip, which will end early November.
     
  16. allison

    allison Well-Known Member

    Also, I know for sure I can stop self-harming for a few months. I've done it before, and it's easy to keep the sharp things away. I've also finally told two of my friends and one of them said I could contact her in case I felt like cutting so she could distract me.

    I am also trying to understand myself better, and am sort of bracing myself, telling myself that there's nothing wrong with asking for help or therapy... I read books on borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder--those are the two things I *think* I might have (either or... maybe just BPD), though, I'm not entirely convinced, of course. The symptoms seem to fit, though, and it kind of helps reading about people who are going through the same things.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 21, 2011
  17. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    When I first read about Borderline, I said "This is me". It changed my life, being able to identify and describe the patterns that I followed. Unfortunately, there is some bias with psych. about it. I had to go find a new one because she didn't believe I actually was. Maybe you can ask your prospective psych. about her views on the subject? Better not to waste time with someone who's going to belittle you!
     
  18. allison

    allison Well-Known Member

    OK I'll see. It'll be a while, though, because I'm planning on waiting till November. What happened when you switched psychiatrists, if you don't mind my asking? I've never had any experience with a psychiatrist before so I don't really know what to expect. Did you feel like you were being judged at all, or that you were being observed too much, like a specimen? I know it's their job to help out people, but I can't help thinking I'll feel too self-conscious telling my problems to some person I just met.
     
  19. Hi Allison,
    I am glad to read that you are feeling ready to eventually tell your parents about your self injury. It is a big step to make, but a good one.

    As for the BPD or Bi-polar, it is possible, but psychiatrists are not too keen on patients coming into their office and telling them that they think they have X diagnoses. Especially with things like BPD, it takes many visits to accurately diagnose the disorder. If you feel you may have it, that is okay but go into the appointment (when you do) and have an open mind and just answer his/her questions honestly and the best you can.

    This is all from experience. They are there to help you, but if you go in set on thinking you have X diagnoses, it will affect how you answer and react to any questions.

    I hope everything goes well for you :)
     
  20. allison

    allison Well-Known Member

    Oh, yeah, definitely. I'm not gonna say outright that I think I have this or that--just say what's been going on.
     
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