My Mom

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by ~Serendipity~, Jan 26, 2007.

  1. ~Serendipity~

    ~Serendipity~ Active Member

    It is 3 years today that my mom decided to take an overdose. Although I miss her everyday so it shouldn't really make a difference ... it does. It brings it all back with such intensity like a re-run and I am now feeling emotionally drained and numb again.

    I know 3 years seems a long time and I feel I should be coping better, its wierd cos I'm ok one minute and then I'm not, its the little everyday things that remind, a song, certain flowers and their smells seeing someone in the street that has the same hair colour ... I even sobbed when a lady walked past that had a similar pair of shoes like my mom's favourites ...

    I know I'm stupid :( but I feel "so what" as well ... why shouldn't I have a wallow in my own self pity ... grief is so painful. I am strong all the rest of the time for my family to the point where I had to remind my partner why I felt like s@*t. I keep it all in. I have to remember it is what she chose.

    Anyway thanks for listening, I'm going to bed now ...

  2. Jenny

    Jenny Staff Alumni

    Hi there,

    I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. It must be incredibly painful for you and it's perfectly ok and naturl for you to grieve. There is no time limit as to when you should feel "better".. take all the time you need, and remember we're here anything if you want to talk about her or how you're feeling.

    I wish i could take some of your pain away.. please try to believe me when i say you're not stupid. You sound incredibly brave.. it can't be easy to be going through so much and not feel able to let anyone know how you're feeling. I'm glad that you wrote here though, and hope it helped somewhat. I also hope you got some restful sleep..

    Jenny x
  3. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    It is perfectly natural to grieve - even after all this time. The pain never really goes away, just backs off for a bit, then comes right back and hits you upside the head - like seeing the similar shoes. I'm so sorry for the loss of your mom. Especially since it was her choice to leave - a natural death is bad enough, but when one is abandoned by one's parent thru suicide it's a lot more painful and harder to recover.

    We are here to listen to you if you want to talk further. We care.:smile: I care.:hug: :flowers: :hug:


  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Serendipity, the grieving process takes different amounts of time for different people. The fact that it has been 3 years since your mothers passing does not mean the pain is going to be gone. Anniversaries will always be harder than other days. You miss your mother every day and there is nothing wrong with that. Try to remember the good things you did with her. The times you laughed, cried with joy, anything like that so when you do miss her you can think of these and feel her close to your heart. :hug:
  5. LSD

    LSD Well-Known Member

    i wish i had words to say you but i'm blank
    i'm sorry for that- but yeah i guess those painfull feelings is normal- just *hug* be stong - and sorry for not having comfort words for you =/
  6. ~Serendipity~

    ~Serendipity~ Active Member

    Thank you so much all of you for your kindness :)

    It helps very much to be able to come here and blurt it out and have nobody judge you, especially regarding time levels for the grieving process.

    I am feeling a bit more with it again after speaking with my Dad, knowing he is ok helps alot I think it just makes the hurt worse when there are a few thousand miles between us as he is in the UK and I am in Australia.

    Anyway thank you again you are all worth your weight in gold :)
  7. mookies mum

    mookies mum Member

    Your letter about your mum made me cry mind you I cry a lot lately. I lost my daughter 2 years and 8months ago and like you I cry at all the things that remind me of her music, tv programmes , food, clothes everything she liked and loved in the world makes me sad I often end up crying behind sunglasses driving in the car. The odd time I see a girl that reminds me of her I think wouldnt it be great if it was all a mistake and she wasnt really dead at all. I miss her so much , my heart is broken sometimes I think I feel so sad and bad I think how can I live without her. I wish I could say something to you to make you feel better but if you feel like I do there is nothing to say. Just be kind to yourself and cry when you need to but remember there are many of us crying. Take care.
    Mookies Mum x
  8. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    My heart goes out to you as well mookies mom. If you ever need someone to talk with, PM me. :hug:
  9. mookies mum

    mookies mum Member

    :sad: hope you are doing ok. thanks for replying to me its nice to know some hears your pain and sadness. Im so sorry you lost your mum, hope you have some good family and friends around you. I lost my mum and dad 10years ago and still miss them very much they died 3weeks apart. Then I a best friend to cancer 5 years ago then mum and dad in law and last year another good friend and my beautiful daughter nearly 3 years I really cannot believe she is gone my heart hurts when I think of her I miss her so much, sometimes I think I will just fall down and die. I would just love to sit with her again and chat and laugh. So sorry for going on. Thanks again for message.
  10. Cheesecake

    Cheesecake Well-Known Member

    Its natraul to feel a little grief now and then but remmeber im sure your mom wouldnt want you to be too sad :)
  11. tintin

    tintin Guest

    I lost my mum five years ago in February and I'm still grieving it takes a long time hun so don't think your wallowing. Losing a loved one is one of the hardest things you can do. I'm sorry you lost your mum in such a horrid way mine died of natural causes. If you ever want to talk PM me.
  12. :sad:

    Im so sorry for your loss, I know these feelings the guilt,anger,helplessness,sorrow, etc. My mum was unwell depression for 7 years attempted numerous times, she took her life 4 years this March,lay on a train track.

    I can still here my screams when my hubby broke the news to me, i was 7 months pregnant. My mum was a kind soul never harmed a fly. She always thought of others, she was very unwell, and i forgive her, but still feel abandoned and alone.I have a very supportive hubby been together 23 years , but i still feel alone at times when it gets bad in my head.

    I have two brothers, we were all very close to mum, tried everything to help mum pull through the hell she was going through, but we could not save her.
    I think constantly about mum, not a day goes by. It has been hell trying to pull out of the despair i feel most of the time, it took me and my husband 16 years to conceive, and when our son Neo (his name means new beginning) was born it was 8 wks after mum had taken her life, he has saved me he is a darling and I thank god, he was a gift and we are very close.

    We carry so much guilt on our shoulders, could we of done more..... No
    all you can do is be kind to yourself, it is so easy to fall into the trap of missing what you dont no longer have, and forget what you do have, memories and the love you had with your lost loved one. i had PND when my son was born and grieving to this day, it will get easier, you just learn and adapt.

    My brother attempted suicide just 3 months ago, he is still grieving mum.He is back home now, he kept it all bottled up,he will talk to me now, im a good listener and he is picking up slowly.

    There is hope and we will get our days when we just cant get out of bed, answer the phone, eat or speak. These days come and go, but all the same they are black clouds that follow us. But the good days will come more often,we will survive. All the best in your battle, be kind to your self what you are feeling is natural healing to tragic circumstances we could not control, the grieving process will take as long as it takes, no one can look at you and say , its been this long pull your socks up. They have no right to say that,I have had this in the past, i was very cross with them, but these people are ignorant.Find love and happiness, bless you.xx
  13. ~Serendipity~

    ~Serendipity~ Active Member

    Hi there

    On Jan 26th it will be five years since my mom died. I cant believe it will have been two years since I started this thread. I still have a few bad days here and there but time is a good healer. I used to dread this time of year but now I am enjoying it again as I refuse to keep remembering the bad and look to the great memories I have of my mom and our time together.

    Thank you again to all those who replied back then and those of you who have more recently. I wish you all well for the new year :smile:
  14. ~Serendipity~

    ~Serendipity~ Active Member

    Thank you for your post and I am very sorry to read about your mom and the troubles your brother is going through. It is a long road for the loved ones left behind but it sounds like you, like me, have the incentives (our babies) in our lives that counteract the bad times with more good and they certainly make all the difference.

    Please know that I am here if ever you need to chat .... take care :smile:
  15. Thank you very much yes we will make it, it's just hard at times. Here's 2 another year, May we all heal and love .Yes we do have our babies and animals that gives me hope. x:wink: