My monthly crisis

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Sparky55313, Jan 4, 2010.

  1. Sparky55313

    Sparky55313 Well-Known Member

    Another new month, another crisis.
    I have previously been in a pshyc hospital and spent 6 months in a locked institutoin and have been deemed unemployable. I've applied for ssi benefits over a year ago and doing all the needed waiting.
    I was released to live at my former residence but the system thought I needed to move away so they cut my funding. I made it several months at my former residence and then gave in. They moved me to a little town with virtually no work available. They supply me with food stamps and $200 a month to pay my bills. Since I've moved here uts been one crisis after another. One month they will cut my funding so I have to go fight for it. Another month they raised my rent way beyond my means of paying. It took a couple of weeks of fighting but I won that one. Another month I had to prove I am disabled.
    Now this month its the electric company. I've paid what I owe every month but an old bill from 5 years ago caught up to me. Now they want payment in full....now! I got the notice last Saturday and couldn't do anything until today (Monday) The shut off has already been scheduled for the next few days and they will not accept partial payment.
    I applied for energy assistance some months ago. My application is still in the process and they can't help until the power is shut off.
    A part of my lease agreement states that if my power is shut off due to lack of payment, I will be evicted.
    I spent the entire day talking with the folks at energy assistance and the power company. I didn't give up until the end of the work day. Now I am done. I did my best and this time I just couldn't win.
    I sat in my chiar for hours into the darkness thinking how easy it would be to just take a handful of pills and go to sleep. The thought consumes my mind and I entertain the idea very realisticly.
    I came here to post my thoughts and maybe get some sort of comfort to ease things a bit. Then I find an anti pill popper had made a post!
    I discounted their idea as their own opinion.
    I won't be popping pills tonight. I gotta see how this months crisis plays out. But then, who knows?
    Did I mention my car died this week?
    I also have a part time job. Its for the disabled. I get bused to work 6 hours a day, three days a week. Because its for the disabled I get paid by the piece which equates to roughly $3 an hour. And I am the highest paid person there.
    I am a skilled tradesman and there is no work in this part of the state so I feel so trapped by the system.
    One part of the system wants me to find work. The other part of the system says I have to live in poverty.
    I have humbled myself and do with out what I can't afford. I don't have cable or telephone. I live within my means. I have become somewhat of a vegetarian to keep costs down.
    Now I sit here & wonder if I will be joining the ranks of the homeless...again.
    I don't think so. There are too many pills that need to be popped.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 4, 2010
  2. cownes

    cownes Well-Known Member

    :hug: so sorry you are having a hard time, you say "I applied for energy assistance some months ago. My application is still in the process and they can't help until the power is shut off." does this mean that iif the energy is shut off they will then help you? can u still be evicted if this bill was from many years ago? hope things work out for you soon :hug:
     
  3. Sparky55313

    Sparky55313 Well-Known Member

    This is true. i can't get help until the power is shut off. It then becomes a crisis and can be taken care of immediatly. But as far as the lease goes, which is my most major concern...I don't know.
    Thanks for the kind words.
     
  4. cownes

    cownes Well-Known Member

    please stay strong in the mean time :hug: hopefully the person u rent off will be more sympathetic that the stupid electicity company :hug:
     
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    All i can say is god you are a fighter good for you. These idiots what are they thinking just give you the dam money so you can get on with living pay your bills. 3 dollars an hour that is not right noone lives on that kind of money You are right how it must make you feel. I hope you get results maybe talk to you psych doctor or councillors to phone dam government agency to get you help.
    take care and keep fighting okay It is always good to see the good guys win keep fighting okay make them help you they put you there sothey need to fix this situation.
     
  6. Sparky55313

    Sparky55313 Well-Known Member

    I was put into this situation ...or at least I put myself here. After the second attempt in two weks I was put away. I lost my good paying job but maybe for the good. I have always been suffering depression and ideations. But taking away my job did me in. I now play the games I am expected to. I do admit I have issues with depression and BPD..along with PTSD. I take all my meds as prescribed and follow through with therapy.
    Now the pay off is...shut my power off?
    I may be gone for a few days but I will be back!
    Take care all! Your'e all so wonderful!
     
  7. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I hope you get the help you need and deserve please keep fighting for what is right. You can do this don't let them take your will away stay strong o kay