It's just been a long internal struggle with myself over suicidal attempts, depression and anxiety disorders. So many medications to try and tranquilize me but really I see her face every day still. I'm 17 and living in Northern CA. Music is the only thing that can help me and has helped me stay alive. I just feel like no one around wants to deal with a mess of a person like me. I've lost so many friends and I can't help but think something has gone wrong physically and mentally. Sometimes I just think about how it might never come back. Anyone suffering, that may be reading this, I love you, and you're beautiful and hold a special place in my heart. It's hard to feel alive anymore, or feel anything at all for that matter.