My mother died in front of me... I've never talked about it to anyone.

[traebae]

It's just been a long internal struggle with myself over suicidal attempts, depression and anxiety disorders. So many medications to try and tranquilize me but really I see her face every day still. I'm 17 and living in Northern CA. Music is the only thing that can help me and has helped me stay alive. I just feel like no one around wants to deal with a mess of a person like me. I've lost so many friends and I can't help but think something has gone wrong physically and mentally. Sometimes I just think about how it might never come back. Anyone suffering, that may be reading this, I love you, and you're beautiful and hold a special place in my heart.

It's hard to feel alive anymore, or feel anything at all for that matter.

 

[may71]

Were you suicidal before your mother's death? Is her death the main reason why you have made attempts? Do you want to say more about the circumstances of her death?

I just feel like no one around wants to deal with a mess of a person like me. I've lost so many friends and I can't help but think something has gone wrong physically and mentally.

I think that people often have a hard time dealing with difficult issues. Maybe especially at a young age, but in general, people don't have the maturity to do this. Part of it is superficiality, selfishness, and just fear. Part of it may be that people are so overwhelmed by their own problems, they retreat from the problems of others. It can be hard to connect with friends that can give support, but people like that are out there.

Anyone suffering, that may be reading this, I love you, and you're beautiful and hold a special place in my heart.

You've got a lot of love in you. May your love be returned to you 1000 times.

 

[Unknown_111]

Welcome to the forum. I know your hurting but be kind to yourself. There is nothing wrong with you as the traumatic events your have experienced is causing you pain. You show a level of maturity for which you should be proud of at such a young age.

The loss of your mo ther is hard to handle and it will take sometime to get over. I cannot say how long but this is dependent on yourself and how you begin the healing process. You need to speak to a consellor about this and possibly require medical intervention.

You are important and please keep posting here. We will try our best to support you through this tough time.

 

[total eclipse]

Very hard losing a love one i am sorry you had to see your mother die Have you reached out to a therapist to help you with your grief It can help you to move pass all the sadness and pain I hope one day you can remember your mother with more joy then pain

 

[may71]

I love you

I love you too!

 

[nik89]

It's just been a long internal struggle with myself over suicidal attempts, depression and anxiety disorders. So many medications to try and tranquilize me but really I see her face every day still. I'm 17 and living in Northern CA. Music is the only thing that can help me and has helped me stay alive. I just feel like no one around wants to deal with a mess of a person like me. I've lost so many friends and I can't help but think something has gone wrong physically and mentally. Sometimes I just think about how it might never come back. Anyone suffering, that may be reading this, I love you, and you're beautiful and hold a special place in my heart.

It's hard to feel alive anymore, or feel anything at all for that matter.

I'm so sorry for everything that you have gone through. I love you too. Believe me. I know what it is like to be in this place.

 

[DrownedFishOnFire]

How are you now?