My mother emotionally wounds me

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by sadhart, Nov 10, 2011.

  1. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    Some of you may not understand why this upset me, but I hope it will make sense to some. I apologize for it being so long.


    This past summer, my mother tried to lock me up in a hospital. Yeah, I often talk about my feelings of suicide on here, but I had not said anything to my mother nor did I do anything that would have been considered an emergency.

    I want to point out that me and my mother hadn't spoken for over a month then she comes and visits my aunt. The conversation we had was so one sided: she wanted me to listen to her, but she could listen to me. She kept asking why won't get "help" she never defines what she means by that and personally I am starting to hate that word. She knows I have a therapist and even though it is financially difficult to make an appointment with her at the moment, we do keep in touch.The one thing that pissed me off was that she kept bringing up my cuts on my arm. I am very self aware of my cuts and I know that it is a negative way to cope. What made me mad was that she didn't bother to want to know why I cut or anything, she just kept pointing it out like that would magically make me stop.

    I wish I could point out to her that she's a childish irrational woman who doesn't practice what she preaches and then she suddenly changes. Finally, after I got tired of holding back and told her that she was not helping, she got pissy and didn't want to talk, which was fine by me.

    The next day, I went about my day in the house, and the next thing I know some cops show up and handcuff me. I get taken to a hospital to be evaluated. Even though you can only go by my word, I was honest; I talked about my cuts, the problems in my life, as well as any feelings of suicide. I told them I was not going to kill myself, and that most of the time, I contemplate it when things are hurting and that it is hard to go through with it. I had to speak to two people to be released, and even when that happened, my mother, out of vindictiveness, refused to let anyone pick me up. I had to walk home and I was so angry by it because I didn't do anything wrong in the first place to have to go through all of that.

    My mother has no idea the harm she caused nor does she care. If I were to die, it wouldn't even matter to this woman so her reasons for doing what she did were self centered.

    Worse yet, my family is visiting for the holidays and I fear it will not be good. I am thinking that I may try to find a way to leave town for a day or two to avoid any crap. I don't have any money, but if I gotta live like a hobo for a few days, I am willing to do it. I know that sounds stupid, but still.
     
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I just wanted you to know I read your post, and I understand why it upset you. I can also relate to hiding out for a few days when your family's in town; I've done that a few times too.
     
  3. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Ok, as a mum this is not the kind of behaviour I would stoop to, but I do know the fear that can grip a parent in the face of a childs' misery and unhappiness.
    It maybe :unsure: that she is desperate to help but has no idea how, and the fear that you might "do something" has her careering from one option to another.
    I dont know how I would react if my beautiful son scarred himself with self harm, but I do know the thought of it has my stomach doing flip flops.

    Have you ever tried sitting down with her and actually discussing what is going on with you?
    Not knowing your mum its hard for me to gauge what her thought processes are, but I do know whenever my son and I have ever actually discussed his problems it has cleared the air and given me a way to help him.
     
  4. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    I would believe that my mother cared, but she has time after time showed all she wants is control and that she has selfish tendencies.

    And yes, I have tried to open up to her...in person, through letters, emails, over the phone. She's just an irrational passive aggresive person who "beats at her own drum" as she put it once, but expects order and change to happen around her.
     
  5. th3silent0ne

    th3silent0ne Well-Known Member

    I can definitely relate. My mom wasn't as bad to threaten to send me away to a hospital, but she was the closed minded, seemingly uncaring type. Blah, the list goes on, but mostly the same as what your's is like. It was when she found out about my cuts that she flipped. I risked opening up just to help her understand. But it backfired. So when people say "Did you try to talk about the issue to them", I get irritated. I was in counselling, but that was a waste. I too have feelings of suicide. If only we can just get away from it all and forget. Finally have a better life.
     
  6. Songie

    Songie Well-Known Member

    Wow...im so sorry that happened to you. And yes, its very understandable that you would be upset by that. Unfortunately, people that havent experienced the pain that results in self harm don't entirely understand it, or understand how to help (apologies for using that word, i hate it too). If you'd rather not talk to your mother thats perfectly understandable, but i do have a suggestion for you. When i was trying to explain things to my mother, i wrote her a letter. One thing ive learned is that talking to relatives about cutting can be very emotional, and you can lose track of your points and what you're trying to make clear to her. a letter allows you to calmly write it out and explain why you do it, to help her understand. Words are very powerful and i've found that sometimes they're more powerful when they're clean and controlled on paper then when they're said in person. Best of luck to you. *hugs*
     
  7. BeautifullyChaotic

    BeautifullyChaotic Well-Known Member

    I can totally understand, actually quite recently my mother called CPS on me, with a bunch of lies and bullshit because I told her I didn't want my children to be a part of her life after all she has done to me.

    The CPS workers came, drug tested me and my husband, searched our home and even got a court order for my psych records. They have cleared me and my husband and have closed the case after only a couple of weeks, but it was heartbreaking that she would hurt me intentionally like that, only to prove that I have good reason to keep my kids from her.

    Sometimes parents seem to think that because they made and raised us that we owe them something. They don't think they should have to own up to the hurt they have caused but still expect us to do as they say and never question them, and they don't want explanations, just results.
     
  8. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    To Songie, if you read what I have said so far, then you would know that I have tried to write to my mother and it was in vain. Like I have said about her:it's about control.

    To Chaotic, thank you for relating. I'm sorry about your situation and not only was that wrong, but that proves why she doesn't probably deserve to be in you kids life.
     
  9. Isabel

    Isabel Staff Alumni

    That is something I can definitely relate to. Sometimes trying to communicate with our parents backfires and lead to more hurt as they are stuck in the old patterns of behavior which hurt us to begin with.