My mother is abusing me, what do you think?

Discussion in 'Domestic Abuse' started by LostInMyDaydreams, Feb 17, 2016.

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  1. LostInMyDaydreams

    LostInMyDaydreams Well-Known Member


    My mother is abusing me, I know I'm not in any relationship right now but around her I just feel as if I can't be myself. If I show her anything that interests me or find funny, she doesn't really seem all that interested. This pretty went through out my whole life. After my real father got arrested for sexually abusing my brother and I, my mother pretty much raised up. Than she got remarried to someone else and he became a fatherly figure to me. He's very respectful towards me, he cares about me but he doesn't honestly think I suffer from depression or ptsd. Think thinks disorders strictly don't exist, however beyond that we get along. My mother and him fight constantly, when they do it's brutal. It wouldn't seriously surprised me if they got a divorce. Never realized this before but I continue to suffer with low self esteem, depression and crying spells.

    During growing up, I felt misunderstood by my family and they didn't understand what was going on. Anytime I mother see's me crying, she yells at me and says, "Why are you crying?" "What is wrong with you?" "Are you mental?" Those phrases constantly stick to me anytime I cry and when I cry now I have to do it alone. I hate crying infront of people or showing those kinds of emotions, I feel like it's wrong and if I cry...I seriously feel like I am mental. If I go out anywhere, she wants to know who I'm hanging out with. I'm 32 years old, why does she want to know? One time she was talking about one of my ex boyfriends and said, "We shouldn't have let stay the night with him." I told her you can't control and try to protect me from everything. If someone is going to hurt my feelings or somehow abuse me, it's going to happen. I'm completely isolated now cause if my parents don't like the people I meet, they're simply not allowed over. If I go out with them, I hear it from them. Right now I'm suffering severe depression, I feel like my mother won't let me grow up and become independent. Once I told her I was going to go to college and live on my own, she didn't seem too happy. In fact she said, "How you going to do that?" "I don't think your able to do that." On top of that a few moments ago, I posted up a poem I wrote and I just now took it down cause she's on my friends list....and I know if she see's it she'll just yell at me for posting it up. Now I'm beginning to think that expressing yourself is wrong. That I shouldn't have any type of emotion or feelings, I'm starting to hate my life and I don't smile anymore.

    Now I smirk.... I told people I'm being abused but they think my mother is just looking after me. However last year I was happy and now I'm no longer happy cause things just have gotten worse for me and I feel like I can't be myself around my mother. Now I act happy and act like everything is fine, cause if I'm not happy: my mother will pack up everything, run away cause she can't handle the way I am. She says she's gonna do this anytime I'm sad or cry cause of what happened to me in my past and for being in an abusive relationship. Sorry for this long post. Thanks for listening. If you need to ask me anything else please ask me in a comment. Thanks.

    Note: I believe this is why I'm suffering so badly.
  2. undercoverlover

    undercoverlover Well-Known Member

    im so sorry to hear this is happening. if you can get out of that situation and find a safe place to live, i would suggest it. although i know that is hard.
    i agree that it is probably why you are suffering so badly. my depression and anxiety got so severe when i was being abused. abuse can have a huge impact on your mental and even physical health.
    what is happening to you isnt your fault, and you dont deserve any of it. sending lots of love your way!
  3. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi. I am very saddened by your story. Your mother is mentally abusing you and no doubt affected you. I have a mother who is very controlling and mentally abusers me all my life. I am told to do this and that all my life. You have to break that bond which is very hard as you look up to your parents for guidance and love. I keep away from my parent in order not to be embellished with mental abuse. It hurts me but sometimes you can live without any contact but you to dig deep to find the strength to move on. Keep safe and keep posting here, as we care a lot.
  4. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    *hugs* I am sorry to hear what you are being put through.

    I have to agree, sadly, that your mother is creating a lot of your issues. Living in an abusive environment, whether physical or mental is never good, and the thing is, it's difficult to figure out that it's even happening and then start to get out.

    You have realized what it happening, and that is so strong of you!

    You need to get out of there, you need to get your own home and I of all people know how hard this is (my mum and yours have a lot in common) but you need to distance yourself from her, and you need to make her understand that she is being destructive towards you.

    You can always write here hun, and you're always welcome to write to me if you need support. Take care of yourself. You deserve so much better!
    Nithin Adarsh likes this.
  5. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    I am sorry that you are finding things so hard. I agree with Phantom Lady that it is time for you to find your own place. At 32 you have a reasonable expectation to do what you want with your life, but you can't really expect your mother not to feel like she can have some input while you still live under her roof. I am not sure I would agree that not understanding someone or being badly informed about mental health is the same as 'abusing' them. Certainly it sounds like your mother is making your life hard but I don't think it constitutes abuse as much as it is simply overbearing.

    Living with your mother is clearly not good for you and it is not up to her to decide whether you can become independent or not - you are a grown adult and that choice is yours to make.
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