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My mother is selfish, ignorant and most of all, a bitch

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Matt93, Jan 16, 2011.

  1. Matt93

    Matt93 Well-Known Member

    Me: Mum, I need to go to the crisis team. I don't feel safe.
    Me: Mum, are you listening?

    See what I have to do to get someone to listen to me? No help for me here, open windows, bank card, bus pass, train pass, some clothes. I really, really wanna run away. Why will nobody listen to me? I'm just going sit here and die.

    :wallbash: :wallbash: :wallbash: :wallbash: :wallbash: :wallbash: :wallbash: :wallbash: :wallbash: :wallbash:
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 16, 2011
  2. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I"m sorry your Mum isn't supportive...
    if you're feeling suicidal call emergency and tell them...here they send an ambulance and take you to hospital
    I think your Mum will then take you seriously
  3. Matt93

    Matt93 Well-Known Member

    I very much doubt it, she'll call me a hypocrite when I'd get out. I'll sit here. Sit and plan.
  4. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    My mother once asked me " are you quite done with the histrionics" after I got out of hospital from an OD. Seems to me she couldn't deal and thats her problem not mine.
    In the same way this is your mum's problem and not yours; do what you need to do to get yourself somewhere safe and bugger what she thinks.
  5. nanashikun

    nanashikun Member

    You have all my sympathy and understanding. Some people just don't get it...
  6. Matt93

    Matt93 Well-Known Member

    Thanks nanashikun.

    And Terry, I would leave, but I'm too young, I'm still at college. I don't have a job, I have no income to support myself. I guess, lately, I'll just have to put up with her fucking torment.
  7. georgeo10yal

    georgeo10yal Well-Known Member

    same here my mother is an ignorant bitch -_-
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Matt, I'm sorry you're feeling so ignored by your mother. Keep talking to us, you won't be ignored here.
    Perhaps your mum just doesn't understand how you're feeling, try explaining, give her a leaflet on depression, do what you can. If she still ignores you, turn to alternative means of support, e.g. here.
    Always around if you need someone. :)
  9. Kendle

    Kendle Well-Known Member

    Hi Matt,

    Sometimes parents don't want to accept that something could be seriously wrong with their kids. They'd rather believe it's a bid for attention than a real problem with consequences, because it is hard to accept that their kid's problems are bad enough to drive them to that for real. That doesn't excuse it, just trying to give you a possible insight to your mum's attitude.

    The problem with that is, that the more you try to convince them that there's something wrong, the more likely they are to write it off as a bid for attention. And if it's brought to their attention by someone else (cops, teachers, whatever) then they get defensive and feel guilty and it just makes them want to lay the blame on someone besides themselves. Like their kid.

    At least that's the way I see it.

    So. In my interpretation, yeah your mother is selfish...more interested in maintaining her own viewpoint of 'her' world than in seeing what's wrong in yours. I agree that it's completely unacceptable...but if you DO want her to listen, then you might try a different approach. Not saying your approach was wrong, just that it didn't work, so something else might be in order. Try taking a walk with her, get her away from familiar surroundings perhaps. When people are in a place where they are used to acting a certain way, they will most likely continue to act in that way. So change the surroundings, and she might be more likely to pay attention. Maybe if you write what you're feeling down, and have her read it, you can get the point across without it getting lost in arguments and hurt feelings/defensiveness on her part. It's easy to miss a point when you're in a heated discussion, or a shouting match :mhmm:

    You should not HAVE to do this. It is not your responsibility to keep at her to get her to listen to you...this is her failure. But that being said, by recognizing her limitations, maybe you can take them into account and work to bypass them, and help her to listen to you the way she should.
  10. johnnysays

    johnnysays Well-Known Member

    If he writes it down she'll get mad and say "If you want to say something, say it to my face!" If he walks in a strange place and brings up the bad news, she'll say "We're in a strange place, you're just reacting to it. When we get back home and everything is normal you'll feel differently."

    Just face the facts. Ok. Mom is always right. That's why Adam ate hte apple because he trusted Eve.
  11. Kendle

    Kendle Well-Known Member

    Because women are all bad?

    So Matt should just accept defeat and not try anymore?

    Are you seriously suggesting that there is no way to improve his situation? Even if his mother does the things you say, still, that is a reflection on her and not him. But if he doesn't make an attempt to break through to her, then he will never know whether she might have risen above what you prophesize. You might very well be right...but at least Matt would have made some movement, rather than sitting in his room and waiting...well, we all know what we're waiting for. Is there something wrong with trying? I would think that apathy and despair would be exactly what we don't want to sink into.

    Side point #1 - if you don't trust anyone, then life is a lonely business. Maybe he shouldn't trust his mum, but what I suggested isn't a matter of trust, it's a matter of giving her a chance to be the kind of mother he needs. She might not deserve it, but the chance is for his benefit as well.

    Side point #2 - your assumptions of her reactions are based on Matt just handing her a note with no explanation (or introduction in the written text), or of him simply blurting out 'I feel bad' to her when they take a walk. I give Matt more credit than that; I trust that he would mentally go over what he wants to say to her and find a way to openly appeal to her.

    Side point #3 - Adam may have been 'tempted' by Eve, but it was a male creature that tempted her to begin with. Think on that.
  12. me myself and i

    me myself and i Account Closed

    Let go of the hate, let in the good feelings.
  13. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member


    As you said your in college, this mean your an adult now, this is the time where you have to do things for you for yourself.

    If she is not willing or able to understand whats going on for you then contact your counsler at school, they can help you find the means to get something done.

    If your in US and you feel like your going to hurt yourself then go to ER, your mom will get over it, this is your life not hers, your living it not her, so you do what you have to to take care of yourself.

    Im sorry if my bluntness offends you, but some people just cant understand these types of feelings, that you just cant get over it, that if not treated it takes over and gives you thoughts and feelings like your having now.

    Please reach out to someone. You dont have to feel this way.

    PM anytime you want to vent or just chat.
  14. Matt93

    Matt93 Well-Known Member

    Wow, my apologies for not replying to any of these replies! I was not informed of any such notifications.

    Thanks for the replies. All is resolved. It took showing my mum my journal, but she's fully aware and not so much of a bitch
  15. jota1

    jota1 Well-Known Member

    Well done Matt. Sometimes we feel like we are in an impossible situation and then things get better when you least expect them to.

    Great news!
  16. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Glad to hear that your mom now sees things for how they are. Just an inquiry though. When I read your original post, it sounded like maybe things were said when they were already pretty heated. Although your mom should never ignore anything so important is there a chance that what you told her was at a time that was already heated with some anger. I know us parents arent perfect. But sometimes our kids have a way of saying things that come out more like a threat or meant to hurt rather than say it at a more calmer setting.

    I'm in no way saying that you should not talk about or tell her how you are feeling. But news like that is best given when tempers arent flying and it will be heard for what it really is, a plea for help.

    I'm glad she believes you. Now dont stop. A huge step in the right direction. Now set up some appointments with your GP and see about getting a pdoc and or a therapist and get your treatment started. Good luck :arms:
  17. Matt93

    Matt93 Well-Known Member

    I've never spoken to my parents in a heated way, even if I'm already angry with them. I always speak calmly as I know shouting gets nobody anywhere. So nothing was heated within the dialogue.
  18. AnnieOakley

    AnnieOakley Well-Known Member

    :hamtaro: Thats good to hear.
  19. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I'm sorry guess I'm reading this the wrong way then. But seems like there was some anger and heated things said. It's much better to try and talk about how your feeling especially when it's something so important, when you've made time for it. Yes sometimes it needs to be said on the spur of the moment. But setting up a time to talk about it or even writing a letter first so that you can think things out the way you need to say them are much better scenarios. But I'm glad she finally did hear you. Hope you find good professionals and all works towards getting you feeling better.
  20. Matt93

    Matt93 Well-Known Member

    The thing is, was I was telling her calmly beforehand, but she was blatantly ignoring me. So I raised my voice to make her listen. It's done, just let it go