My mother

Discussion in 'Domestic Abuse' started by Cecilie, Jul 8, 2014.

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  1. Cecilie

    Cecilie Member

    My mother hit me, way more than once:flowers:
    Se divorced my father when I was 5. She told me my father did not want to talk to me, that Im not allowed to talk to him and had to forgot him...
    She is a psyopath... Or have similar symptoms... She really adore herself and ley me down.
    She told me all the time i was ugly, look like my ulgy father and that I was fat and discutsing
    I had to do everythin to her. Clean the really big hause, wich was never good enough..
    She would yell at me, hit me and worse...

    One time my knee hurt after a kid kick me there by a accident. We plaid soccer....
    And when I told her I was in really in big pain, she kicked me really hard on the spot... I couldn't controll my tears.. I was 13 and in and in a lot of pain... It hurt so bad that I laid on the floor and could not stand up again.
    My stephfather took me to the hospital and it was clearly a broken leg.i was in for days hand was forced to tell it all was because a soccer game... A accident... But really my mother break my knee...

    One other time she pushed me down the stairs when I was in 4 grade... I got a lot of brusies and break my arm... She had no regrets and told thats happen when I screw up my work... I judt didn't know how to use vacuum mascin and messed it up... Don't remember everything... But my stepfather had to take me to the hospial with a broken arm and I had to say I fall down the stairs....

    She hit me alot and just hated me for everthing.... When I got 19 years old I moved 1600 km away from my family because I was done as a slave, and they hated me...

    But... I don't feel right... Just hate my self and punish myself with selfharm... I feel like desevre it... And it feels kind of great...

    My life is just a mess because my mother make me belive im a piece of crap..

    And its true... I can't trust anyone... And don't think anyone would care about me... Im lonley..
    And it had yo be this way. I don't want this life....

    I got a eating disorder.. Bulimia.. But recovered... I selfharm.. Not recovered... Got anxity..not recovered... Im suicidal.. And really feel lost..

    My life is just useless... You know... i was borm with beeing a burden.. And feel like I always will be that way?.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 8, 2014
  2. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Cecilie - I am sorry to read about your mother, I truly am, honey, those were terrible psychological as well as physical injuries she inflicted on you. You have every right to cut yourself off from having anything to do with this source of pain, really.

    And you need help with these inward wounds. I know a little about where you are coming from because my mother told me the same things about my father when I was little, (I was 4 when I last saw him, and only have one memory of being with him) But the other things my mother didn't do to me apart from one hard swipe around the head which was uncalled for.

    I can understand totally why it's hard for you to trust, and that you have anxiety. Well done for recovering from bulimia, that is a huge achievement. The journey before you now is, as weird as this might seem, is to learn ways in which you can give yourself the mothering you actually DID deserve, but never had. This is your way through, honey. You might not know how to start, but if the idea makes sense to you, we are here to support you along the way and praise your progress :)

    We are not burdens. Our parents brought us into this life by choices they made - and some were choices that left a lot to be desired, but that DOESN'T mean we have to wear this as our identity. We came through our parents from a higher source of love - they were just the intermediaries. Blessings and strength to you Cecilie, you do deserve the very best in life, the more so because of your childhood honey :)
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