My Mother

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by emotional_girl, May 29, 2011.

  1. emotional_girl

    emotional_girl Well-Known Member

    All of my life until my mother died, she was always mean to me; yelling at me about everything (even though I always tried to be a good girl, she seemed to always look for things to yell at me about) and saying negative things about me, which I now realize was mental abuse. This is bad of me to say, but I always thought I would feel better when she died because I wouldn't have her treating me like that anymore.
    She was a dieabetic who didn't take care of herself; always ate whatever she wanted to, didn't exercise, etc.; so she always had real bad issues with her diabetes. I didn't even realize strokes could be caused by diabetes until she had her first one. She had her first stroke in Dec. 2005, which was when I started doing research about strokes and discovered that they could be caused by diabetes. After that one (it's what they refer to as a mini-stroke, I can't remember the actual name for it, but it's a stroke where your brain doesn't bleed or something like that), she completely recoverd, was still able to get around on her own, no slurred speech or anything. She was completely back to normal. Throught 2006 she had several more of them, her health declining gradually with each one, to the point that about mid-2006 she couldn't even get out of bed anymore. My brother and I had to take care of her; feed her, bathe her, etc. She was in and out of the hospital throught 2006, due to strokes, congestive heart failure, etc. Congestive heart failure was what eventually became the cause of her death in January 2007. It was a Sunday afternoon. I had just come home from church. My brother & sister went to the grocery store to get some soft foods for Momma to eat (she couldn't chew anymore). I was there with her by myself. She was at the point where when she was awake, all she could do was cry out in pain. I looked forward to the times she slept so I could get some rest. While I was there with her by myself, all of a sudden she laid her head back & closed her eyes. I thought she was going to sleep so I felt relief because I could sit back and just relax for a little while. After about a minute, I looked at her & noticed that she looked different. Her skin had changed colors slightly, a very light shade of blue. And she was completely limp, not moving at all, not even breathing. I tried to wake her up & she wouldn't wake up, so I called 911 (I wasn't supposed to call 911; I was supposed to call hospice, but I was panicking). When they got there, they confirmed that she had passed. Now I deal with feelings of guilt. Is it my fault that Momma died? What would've happened if I had known she was dying instead of thinking that she was sleeping?
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    WEll hun you did good you called for help YOu did not do anything to end your mothers life it was her neglect of herself that took here. she was the adult she did nothing to keep herself well. You are not to blame so please do not even go there okay.
     
  3. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    You are not at fault. I have diabetes and I don't take care of myself either. I have started walking on the treadmill for 15 minutes a day recently though.

    Your mother died because of the complications that come with diabetes, including congestive heart failure. I hope you don't take it as personally. It's not your fault!
     
  4. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Your mother died because she neglected herself...you were gracious to care for her as you did...also, maybe her mood was affected by her illness or her mental state caused her to not take care of herself...either way, you did what you could, and you should feel proud...J
     
  5. emotional_girl

    emotional_girl Well-Known Member

    Thanks everybody. Y'all are so kind and caring and I really appreciate it.
     
  6. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Emotional girl - you forgave your mother despite her being unkind - you helped her and were there when she died - comforting her. She died at home and fairly peacefully also - as she looked like she was sleeping to you.

    You are not a doctor and besides it would have made no difference as she died quickly and none of that is your fault.

    You really have nothing to feel guilty about - and instead should be proud that you done your duty as a daughter.

    My condolences for your loss and I hope the family still get along and you have somewhere to live.

    Regards - best wishes and God Bless!
     
  7. emotional_girl

    emotional_girl Well-Known Member

    Thank you for you kind words, Peacelovingguy. And thank you for your concern about me having somewhere to live. I'm actually back living in my mother's house. My brother and I were both living here with her when she died and we both continued to live here together until I got married and moved out, about 6 months after her death. 2 years ago my brother bought a trailer and asked if my husband and me would like to live here so we moved in then.