All of my life until my mother died, she was always mean to me; yelling at me about everything (even though I always tried to be a good girl, she seemed to always look for things to yell at me about) and saying negative things about me, which I now realize was mental abuse. This is bad of me to say, but I always thought I would feel better when she died because I wouldn't have her treating me like that anymore. She was a dieabetic who didn't take care of herself; always ate whatever she wanted to, didn't exercise, etc.; so she always had real bad issues with her diabetes. I didn't even realize strokes could be caused by diabetes until she had her first one. She had her first stroke in Dec. 2005, which was when I started doing research about strokes and discovered that they could be caused by diabetes. After that one (it's what they refer to as a mini-stroke, I can't remember the actual name for it, but it's a stroke where your brain doesn't bleed or something like that), she completely recoverd, was still able to get around on her own, no slurred speech or anything. She was completely back to normal. Throught 2006 she had several more of them, her health declining gradually with each one, to the point that about mid-2006 she couldn't even get out of bed anymore. My brother and I had to take care of her; feed her, bathe her, etc. She was in and out of the hospital throught 2006, due to strokes, congestive heart failure, etc. Congestive heart failure was what eventually became the cause of her death in January 2007. It was a Sunday afternoon. I had just come home from church. My brother & sister went to the grocery store to get some soft foods for Momma to eat (she couldn't chew anymore). I was there with her by myself. She was at the point where when she was awake, all she could do was cry out in pain. I looked forward to the times she slept so I could get some rest. While I was there with her by myself, all of a sudden she laid her head back & closed her eyes. I thought she was going to sleep so I felt relief because I could sit back and just relax for a little while. After about a minute, I looked at her & noticed that she looked different. Her skin had changed colors slightly, a very light shade of blue. And she was completely limp, not moving at all, not even breathing. I tried to wake her up & she wouldn't wake up, so I called 911 (I wasn't supposed to call 911; I was supposed to call hospice, but I was panicking). When they got there, they confirmed that she had passed. Now I deal with feelings of guilt. Is it my fault that Momma died? What would've happened if I had known she was dying instead of thinking that she was sleeping?