my muliple suicide attempts

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by ellie33, Jul 26, 2011.

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  1. ellie33

    ellie33 New Member

    i am 33 nd in da past 8 yrs hv tried 2 end it at least 12 times.da last time in feb.i hv tried different methods but hv woken up each nd every time in intensive care.evry time iv woken up my first words hv been shit it didnt work.i always end up wit a visit 2 da psych ward were tey medicate me against my will.they just dont understand how crappy life is nd how much i dont wana b here.dey say take da meds u ll b ok but dont dey understand i dont wana live in a drugged stupor .id rather b dead.iv given counsellin etc. a go but tat hasnt i hv a feelin it wont b my last try.i find myself thinkin of it more nd more as asolution 2 my not wantin 2 b here.i b lieve my life is over nd ill never "recover" od hv n e kind of meaningful life.
    sorry its so long tanx 4 reading
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi Ellie and welcome...selfishly, I am glad you failed so I have the chance to meet you...please tell us what is going on; I am sure there are many ppl here who can relate...welcome again, J
  3. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    I saw you in chat earlier, I think. Glad we got to meet you (in chat, and now again)! Hope you find people on here that can relate to you and give you some much-needed support. By all means feel free to talk to us about what's going on, and remember that you can be anonymous in doing so :)

    Furthermore, I think you need a proper welcome, so WELCOME TO SF, ELLIE! :hugtackles:

    I understand where your username comes from (at least the numbers part) now! :D
  4. jkeller4000

    jkeller4000 Well-Known Member

    Welcome to life, :)

    just remember it only gets better, wait it only gets harder, hm, i guess i have never heard anyone say life gets easier,

    from childhood we have to make no decisions, then adulthood everything is our choice, we can choose to live,

    your post was not nearly as long as it should have been! it needs to include more things, like the things you like the most about your life, where is any of that in your post?

    have u ever sat outside in the morning and had the sun warm your face? that is what life is all about! and your missing a big part if u don't try that every few days!

    have u seen a docotr?
  5. HawthornePassage

    HawthornePassage Well-Known Member

    I don't want to sound like an asshole, but if you have failed 12 times, you either don't really want to die or lack the stability/logical capacities to reasonably make the decision. I say this because personally the only reason I'm alive is because I refuse to attempt suicide unless I'm 1) 100% sure that I want to be gone forever and 2) 99.99% sure the method will work as much as I'd rather not be here (no triggers intended). That includes being stable enough to pull it off without fucking it up (the only time I tried five years ago, I fucked it up out of instability that kicked in during the attempt. I was not caught, however.)

    It almost seems like attempting that much is a desperation 'fallback' when one doesn't know what else to do. That's why I'd figure out what exactly is wrong in a logical manner...people often hide from the cause of their problems because its too painful to face them (I have experience in this department). Some therapists are good, but typically psychiatrists buy into the biomedical model excessively (which has some basis, but not as much as they're taught) and are doing more what amounts to slapping a bandaid on a gushing wound. You might want to watch out if you're on like...5 different meds because that can screw things up and cloud your head as well.

    Again, this will take time since you're probably not used to addressing the source of problems in a methodological fashion, but it's really the only way out of this in the long run. I don't really know any details about your situation or life either, so that's something you have to do. Most things in life are attainable with the right amount of confidence and may not seem that way but it is. Again, I say this from experience. It's an uphill battle...and it's your decision whether you want to fight it or not. But you should commit to something instead of staying in this state in between if you get what I mean. Again, I don't think you really want to die subconsciously (although it may not feel that way), so I would recommend figuring this out.
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