my mum's half dead, its heartbreaking

my mum used to always have a great huge meal for us on birthdays and such and hep me with money worries, she wasn't the best mother but....she taught herself to read with no education, she just never went to school, shes very clever if she tried but she was always scared of learning new things, she went to school in the days where they just beat the hell out of you and she ended up then being too scared of failing...

and she went in for a routine operation (a less than 5% chance of any complications, out in 3 days they said) to put a coil round a blood clot on her brain, and now shes no movement down her right hand side and brain damaged, she tries to talk and you see tears coming from her eyes as her thoughts come out as gobbledygook, i tried to make a panel of the alphabet so she can point to letters, i thought she was just paralyzed but she couldn't point out letters or understand what they were, she couldn't read or speak to me, i feel like a f**king idiot making that communications board, i thought she was just stuck in half her body not working but her brain is hardly working anymore....shes in there though, she can nod to what you say and say some words here and there, she said 'get me out of here' and 'kill me' on one of her rare lucid moments.

i feel like a damned moron making that a-z board, thinking she was fully able to read what was there....it'll take years for her to speak i think, or certainly to walk....i feel like i just put her under distress by trying to get her to do something that just showed her what shes lost....she couldn't point to the first 3 letters of my name, her spirits trapped in an obvious confusing haze of jumbled concepts that come out as babble.

my landlords started court proceedings to evict me and due to being an irredeemable addict (id rather die than go through all that its too much pain) of two of the worst drugs two withdraw from to the point they can kill you i may very well end up homeless...the shelters only take 'clean' folk, prohibition kicks me in the nuts again, i commit no crimes to get what i take, i bother no one with them and im never 'wasted' i just take opiates twice a day to feel normal and 10mg clonazepam a day (equal to 200mg diazepam...a lot i know but i don't even feel it anymore nor the opiates), with no friends, my family in pieces and soon to be on the street, i dunno...i cant see me lasting very long.

please any prayers for my mother Bernie from those who are spiritual, religious, whatever will be much appreciated :'( i know prayer and good will work, you wouldn't believe what i've felt though spiritual healing.

anyhow thats my situation

 

When someone has a brain injury, a stroke or such, they may feel trapped inside so making an alphabet board for them is really a service...there are several good apps on the I-pad that are also used...you, your family and your mom are in my prayers

 

i'm praying for her.

i'm sorry that you have to go through such a difficult thing- no one should have to do that