my name is...

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by shan, Jan 23, 2012.

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  1. shan

    shan Member

    hey i'm shannon. i started a new job teaching in a tough school this august. the night before i started i had a blow out with my parents and i ended up out of the house. i have always been one of those up and down people, but i always kept busy with life and really get a lot of joy out of talking to other people and feeling like i was helping them- thats how i got into teaching emotional support.

    but things started to spiral out of control since i graduated in 2010. i felt really weighed down by people i used to help and ruined the first relationship i almost started. I applied for a teaching fellowship and after i got in i was like---this is the answer, I will be able to refocus and dedicate my life to kids who need it.

    but things are going crazy. the first week of the program i lost ten pounds. by the time the summer was over my hair started falling out and i was barely sleeping. the week after the training ended i got hired which is when i had the blow out with my parents. i moved out and things are better, i have such a loving and supportive roomate for a friend, but the stress of the job and my own emotions are taking me over. i have allways been a finger picker but i can hardly control it anymore...when i hand kids back their papers they are like "omg miss there is blood on my paper" and its from my fingers. there are some days where i feel so inspired and motivated but they are few and far between. i barely shower. and i am growing tired of putting on the front. there are times when i sit in the car in the morning and i just want to die. last friday i came home and all i could think about was killing myslef. i felt the same way all day at work today. i was feeling out of control before and i went to a docotr and she gave me an antideppressant. it makes me really sad to take it, i dont like taking any medication. but i was desperate. but i really do feel worse.

    does anybody have advice...about medication? keeping my job or not? i really do not want to give up on my kids but i am also afraid of what will happen to me if i stay or that i actually am hurting them too. but if i dont have a job then i really will have nothing and my financial situation will get more messy then it already is. i have a really hard time getting close to people, i have a lot of stupid pride. i cant believe i am even doing this i just dont know what else to do.
  2. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    Hi Shannon, welcome to SF. I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling but there is always help available. I think that if you have suicidal thoughts, you can always see a doctor or therapist and they can recommend medication or anything else you might need. I know that you like your job but if it's stressing you so badly, maybe it's a good idea to take some time off, at least until you can start to feel better. I'm glad that you posted and please continue to keep us updated so we can help you. :hugtackles:
  3. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    Hi Shan and welcone to SF's .. agree with witty that you might really beneift from some therapy and sesssiohns with some professional psych people. also before things get further out of control.. you will probably objecct to this advice but being almost 65 now and having done lot of same as you in younger years i am not being flip and just saying to you to give this a try.. been there and got some lifesaving help from professionals a few times in my life.. good luck and best wishes to you from my heart.. take care, Jim
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Shannon,
    Keep in mind it takes six to eight weeks for the meds to fully work..They may have to up the dosage..You really should see a pdoc..Also what works for one person may not work for you..They may have to change meds..I don't think you should quit your job.. Keep posting here and let us help support you..Take Care..
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