hey i'm shannon. i started a new job teaching in a tough school this august. the night before i started i had a blow out with my parents and i ended up out of the house. i have always been one of those up and down people, but i always kept busy with life and really get a lot of joy out of talking to other people and feeling like i was helping them- thats how i got into teaching emotional support. but things started to spiral out of control since i graduated in 2010. i felt really weighed down by people i used to help and ruined the first relationship i almost started. I applied for a teaching fellowship and after i got in i was like---this is the answer, I will be able to refocus and dedicate my life to kids who need it. but things are going crazy. the first week of the program i lost ten pounds. by the time the summer was over my hair started falling out and i was barely sleeping. the week after the training ended i got hired which is when i had the blow out with my parents. i moved out and things are better, i have such a loving and supportive roomate for a friend, but the stress of the job and my own emotions are taking me over. i have allways been a finger picker but i can hardly control it anymore...when i hand kids back their papers they are like "omg miss there is blood on my paper" and its from my fingers. there are some days where i feel so inspired and motivated but they are few and far between. i barely shower. and i am growing tired of putting on the front. there are times when i sit in the car in the morning and i just want to die. last friday i came home and all i could think about was killing myslef. i felt the same way all day at work today. i was feeling out of control before and i went to a docotr and she gave me an antideppressant. it makes me really sad to take it, i dont like taking any medication. but i was desperate. but i really do feel worse. does anybody have advice...about medication? keeping my job or not? i really do not want to give up on my kids but i am also afraid of what will happen to me if i stay or that i actually am hurting them too. but if i dont have a job then i really will have nothing and my financial situation will get more messy then it already is. i have a really hard time getting close to people, i have a lot of stupid pride. i cant believe i am even doing this i just dont know what else to do.