I lost my great Nanna today and I really don't know how i should be feeling. The feeling of Loss is there, and feeling that I let her down for not going to visit for often enough. I feel guilty more than any thing, my mam was always asking me to go visit, and i was always "too busy" to go and now i feel like total shit. the thing that i'm struggling with the most though is the fact she was as fit as a fiddle at the age of 98... she told her nurse she wanted to see a doctor at 6am so one was called... the doctor said he could see nothing medically wrong with her apart from a bit sorenes in the throat and a bruise on her leg (from a previous accident). my nanna told the nurse and doctor she just wanted to sleep for a little while. 2hours later the nurse went to check on her.... he opened her bed room door and she was just lay there on the bed curled up in a ball... he thought...'hmmm she is rather still' he walked over to her and found she was dead, the thing is when he looked at her, he is sure she was smiling... what does this mean....? I understand she was old and has said for a while that she just wanted to die, as she wasn't happy... maybe she was smiling because you finally got her wish. maybe she died happy. i dont know that to think any more.. I wish i had to visit more often. I wish I could understand these thoughts going through my head but most of all, I wish I could of hugged her that one last time, give her a kiss on that hairy cheek and told her i love her. I dont know what to think.