I want to die next year. I can honestly say I don't see a future for myself. I've tried many different roads in life. I tried making things better, tried different places, different jobs, and different people. Nothing seems to work for me. I'm just so done with trying, because every time I do I fail. People say just keep trying, it will get better. But how can anyone promise that things will get better? It might never get better. I mean life isn't a movie, life isn't a book, life is just life and sometimes someone's life is crap forever. I wish that I could do something major in my life...I wish I could be one of those people who has the time and money to make a difference...but I don't...and I'm all out of time. I don't see myself doing anything but being six feet under. I don't see why I should continue to live. I think and plot of all these ways to kill myself...and I know 1 sure fire way...the best way to kill myself, but just have to access the materials, which is the difficult part...it is the number 1 best way to kill yourself though, and I want to do it more then anything else. Most people pray for life to get better, I pray to God that I don't wake up in the morning. I beg him please just end my life, I can't take it anymore. Sometimes I'm just like who cares if I kill myself, we're all going to Hell anyways. Honestly who lives this perfect modest life? I would love too, life would be so much better that way...but it's not. This whole world is so corrupt, cold, cruel, and Godless. I don't care what God someone believes in as long as they believe in something. If I believed in nothing, I'd be dead already...would be easier if I believed in nothing. I just want to be dead, I want my heart to stop beating...My heart hurts too much to bear this any longer. Every day is complete and total misery. I find myself screaming and crying almost every night. Whenever I try to pull myself out of my slump, something bad happens. Someone calls me stupid, someone calls me retarded, someone at work decides to mess with me...it's like the devil himself is egging me on to do it. I can't take it anymore though, I really don't have much to live for...no one understands me either in my personal life...not that I have that many people in my person life. I can count the people who care with two hands...I just tell myself if I die they'll get over it...eventually. I just can't do it anymore. So My New Year's Resolution is to get the materials I need and end this suffering...if I have the courage...I fail at everything...even suicide attempts, but I swear to myself that I will get it right next year.