My New Year's Resolution

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by effervescentpsyche, Dec 28, 2008.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. effervescentpsyche

    effervescentpsyche Well-Known Member

    I want to die next year. I can honestly say I don't see a future for myself. I've tried many different roads in life. I tried making things better, tried different places, different jobs, and different people. Nothing seems to work for me. I'm just so done with trying, because every time I do I fail.

    People say just keep trying, it will get better. But how can anyone promise that things will get better? It might never get better. I mean life isn't a movie, life isn't a book, life is just life and sometimes someone's life is crap forever. I wish that I could do something major in my life...I wish I could be one of those people who has the time and money to make a difference...but I don't...and I'm all out of time.

    I don't see myself doing anything but being six feet under. I don't see why I should continue to live. I think and plot of all these ways to kill myself...and I know 1 sure fire way...the best way to kill myself, but just have to access the materials, which is the difficult is the number 1 best way to kill yourself though, and I want to do it more then anything else.

    Most people pray for life to get better, I pray to God that I don't wake up in the morning. I beg him please just end my life, I can't take it anymore. Sometimes I'm just like who cares if I kill myself, we're all going to Hell anyways. Honestly who lives this perfect modest life? I would love too, life would be so much better that way...but it's not. This whole world is so corrupt, cold, cruel, and Godless. I don't care what God someone believes in as long as they believe in something. If I believed in nothing, I'd be dead already...would be easier if I believed in nothing.

    I just want to be dead, I want my heart to stop beating...My heart hurts too much to bear this any longer. Every day is complete and total misery. I find myself screaming and crying almost every night. Whenever I try to pull myself out of my slump, something bad happens. Someone calls me stupid, someone calls me retarded, someone at work decides to mess with's like the devil himself is egging me on to do it. I can't take it anymore though, I really don't have much to live one understands me either in my personal life...not that I have that many people in my person life. I can count the people who care with two hands...I just tell myself if I die they'll get over it...eventually.

    I just can't do it anymore. So My New Year's Resolution is to get the materials I need and end this suffering...if I have the courage...I fail at everything...even suicide attempts, but I swear to myself that I will get it right next year.
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    What is it that makes everyday so bad for you? Can you write down a good thing that happens every day? It might be the warmth you feel in the shower, or a meal that tasted good. You need to try and change your focus to them instead of the negatives about the day. It can seem impossible at first, but when you really think about it they are there. :hug:
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Effervescent,
    Life sucks. I know you have figured that out yourself!! Have you sat down with anyone you know or family and let them know just how you are feeling? In my case I don't need to, they can tell because I get real quiet and don't talk to anyone except my therapist. I'm beginning to feel that is a waste of time because everytime I bring up suicide in my hour with her she sidesteps the issue.
    I do give her credit for getting me thru some other issues, but suicide is the biggy and she won't talk about it. I saw my shrink last week and he wants me to go back in to the hospital, along with friends here from the forum.
    I have no life either. "0" friends, I pushed them all away years ago. It is only my family that I have left and they know I am suicidal. Here lately they just don't want to think about it because I don't talk about it anymore. Rely on your friends here and like gentlelady said set some small goals and once you acheieve them place them in a sort of bank for positives, then when you get a negative thought kick it's ass and replace it with one of your positive thoughts you are banking. It sounds funny but it helps!!Stay Strong!!~Joseph~
  4. Epical Taylz

    Epical Taylz Well-Known Member

    i agree with GentleLady and Joseph.
    im how you are, im a very negative person and i dont see a lot going for me in the future. ive had major headaches all week and i really dont feel a need to get up in the morning anymore.

    something that helps me is thinking about something good.
    like how good my hair looks right now
    or how amazingly lucky i am to have 53 pets.
    it really helps.

    i would try talking to your family about being suicidal
    its a hard step to take at first, but it really helps
    you could also call the suicide hotline.
    i havnt called before, but i made my friend and they really made a difference in her life.

    start telling your family whenever you feel down in the dumps, thats the first step

    PM me anytime if you need to talk

    Stay Safe <3
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.