My only friend is misery

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by LightInTheDarkestNight, Aug 17, 2008.

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  1. LightInTheDarkestNight

    LightInTheDarkestNight Well-Known Member

    Ok I lied I do have one friend but even then, I feel so horrible physically and mentally I don't want to see him.(the two go hand in hand) most guy friends don't understand or sympathize

    "So complicated to escape fate
    And you can never understand til' we trade places"

    This is very true you really don't know how someone feels until you walk in their shoes and that just isn't possible.

    I have a knack for making horrible desicions and at the same time I have extremely bad luck. Maybe this is my karma for being selfish at times, too sensitive, letting physical problems overwhelm me, doing things without thinking of the consequences/reprecussions, Seeking pleasure avoiding pain.

    My body is giving out on me, I've had so many weird symptoms it's hard to desribe, skin issues(ezcema around my mouth) burning stinging, itching all over, neuropathy, headaches, muscle aches, joint pain/aches, sorethroat, malaise, night sweats, acne, swollen left side of my face, swollen lymph nodes, pain in my neck..

    This is ontop of my allergies that are horrendous if I miss any shots. even when I get shots there are tons of kleenex around the house, I can get easily irritated when outside or in a car with dust etc, this makes me more anxious since I can feel the irritation which causes even more skin discoloration, ontop of not being able to breath right
    my normal issues include(pinkness/redness on the sides and tip of my nose, peeling lips, crooked nose, receeding hairline, smoking a ton of pot which made me more anxious and not want to leave the house.. These issues are what kept me in the house mostly except for a couple nights a month except for groceries allergy shots haircuts etc..

    I do have alot of anxiety and and having all this irritation, neuropathy redness, pain has just made things many times worse. I was worried about a dental allergy but I ended up getting 2 more fillings put in now I still have some minor swelling on my face 1 month later(it's not hugely noticeable, if your observant or u look for it you'll clearly see it), it better disipate on it's own. I was having some neuropathy before and when I got the fillings afterwards it got worse and worse and it was unbearable to the point where I would just lie in bed on my back and try not to move at all all day long except for the odd break to eat.. It would literally drive anyone crazy

    I could go on about the past 3 months and all the problems that I've gone through due to bad desicions, bad luck, extreme worrying(partially due to my own sensitivity, most of it warranted). Bascially everything has gone wrong

    My family used to say I have BDD the things is before my skin was bad now it's way worse, I can see/feel it. It's not like my parents are gonna be like yea you're ugly, or be like "what happend to your skin"... I'm a worrier by nature and I've also developed some compulsive tendacys.. Add on top of that real physical and mental issues and well you get the picture..

    I just want to feel/look normal is that too much to ask. I know it's not BDD because when I look worse it effects my mood, before 3 months ago I was actually improving confidence wise, working out, and being generally happy with my face etc. With my physical symptoms I can't even work out, I've lost alot of muscle it(it goes away quickly) put on fat which has just made things worse.

    I better get some sleep I'm exausted, goodnight
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 17, 2008
  2. JustWatchMeChange

    JustWatchMeChange Well-Known Member

    Would you really want to look and feel normal? Sounds like a bore. Or is it a boar. Maybe it's a beer. Well anyway,who wants that. I mean except the beer thing. You feelin better yet cause I can go on like this all night.

  3. LightInTheDarkestNight

    LightInTheDarkestNight Well-Known Member

    I want to feel at least average I should say if not much better then that.Most important I don't want to be physically irritated that it's distracting or unable to work out due to my body giving out on me.

    I am jealous of everyone on here without serious physical ailments. Any mental problems one might have are really serious themselves especially when they're so severe one considers, plans or acts upon a suicide wish.

    With that said one's physical health is the most important thing. The human body can be a magnificant thing, I want some of you with health bodys to know that some people would love to have the oppurtinity not to be "damaged goods".

    Be grateful for what you have, this includes me while physically I am worse off then at least 99.9% of people, I have been given alot in this world
  4. jamie20m

    jamie20m Well-Known Member

    You have learnt some important stuff about yourself through your pain. Dont forget it. And things get better. I had spots real bad when i was 17. It took 3 years of hell before the spots stopped. But in that time i wanted to die. There are treatments.
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