my only friend the end

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by MissMisery, Apr 23, 2011.

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  1. MissMisery

    MissMisery Well-Known Member

    Argh I'm more and more lost I can't and don't belong anywhere anymore. I'm sick of feeling all this pain thers no release I can't do it anymore.

    I'm out the house tnite but I'm still with it all the thoughts and fear and this unbearable pain.
    Don't want to sleep can't sleep don't want to have to wake up

    In mums bed she's sound asleep I hate her

    Nobody helps listens or understands nobody cares I have nothing left to keep me going I just want some peace
     
  2. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    I think that lots of people care, especially here, but yeah, in general there are a lot of people that really don't give a shit about anyone

    do you mostly want people to listen,

    or do you want ideas about what to do?

    what will help?

    if you want practical help, could you give a run down of what you've tried to get better and what the results were. anything ever help at all?
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi hun im sorry you are suffering so greatly you can keep posting here okay we are listening sending you lots of hugs
     
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I care and understand much of what you posted, keep posting, talking about it really does help.
     
  5. MissMisery

    MissMisery Well-Known Member

    Thnks for the replies.

    I've hit rock bottom over and over and come out for little intervals but it never lasts and this time I feel like I'm so far under I'll never get out.

    I don't have anyone to talk to my friends give up long ago and my family think I'm an idiot. When I talk to my mum about things she doesn't listen and tells me she can't cope with negativity and she refuses to see me wen I'm down. She's moved out and doin all the things she's missed out on. Doesn't care she just pretends but can't even fake any kind of empathy.

    I'm isolated more so now bcos I've relapsed with hair pulling and its impossible to hide unless I go to great efforts with manky hair extensions and head bands etc which I don't hav the motivation to do. I look a mess and ill but I don't care like I should.

    I would like to feel and look ok again and be able to get thru the days but its so difficult and I feel too drained.

    I try not to drink alcohol but I can't shut off if I don't drink. Yet even with it I don't unwind and it is physically destroying me.

    Ah I want more than anything to move out alone and have my own sanctuary wher I can trust is clean and pest free. I've got so many ridiculous issues my ocd is bad but its contradictory. Can't stand it dads on my case again I haven't slept and its non stop.
     
  6. tomorrows a new day. just know you're not alone in feeling like this. be cool and don't let others get you down.
     
  7. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    :( I wish that there was something I could do to help.

    I want you to know that the suffering you are going through is totally unfair and undeserved. I hope that somehow you can get better and be happy. I hope that you can learn to better love yourself

    I'll pray for you (send good vibes your way, what ever you want to call) I guess that there isn't much else to do, other than to also send you some e-hugs

    :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

    :console:

    :console:

    a lot of people have suffered because they have abusive or neglectful parents. It's a shame, not fair. Every child should have a chance at life without their parents dumping their own crap on their kids

    family couseling?
     
  8. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Your title is a line from the song The End by The Doors - I like The Doors, but listen to them amongst a lot of other music. Music makes me feel good, when I'm in the mood. Me and my neighbours all have our little understanding about a bit of loud music now and again. Headphones are a neighbours best friend though!

    Anyhow Miss Misery, I'm sorry to see you with these issues - mostly its just your depression kicking in but even if you know that its still hard and seem like its just you that is to blame! Depression can be treated though - and I hope that you have taken some steps there. Life can get us all down but when depression gets you down its far far worse than normal 'down-time' or the phases we go through, puberty, teenage years, manhood and womanhood, motherhood, and so on and so forth. There is feeling depressed in a normal way and then depression that is way beyond normal.

    Although you are young, this is more than some normal phase and its just 'bad luck' that you have landed the lottery ticket of depression maybe in the womb. On the other hand your depression might have root causes, sometimes abuse does this and children raised in homes with little laughter or cheer. There are all sorts of reasons why you might feel depressed, which is why therapists train to help people connect their emotions to past events or ongoing ones.

    You got to talk to someone. You should have already been to your doctor but I'm not sure if you have done this as of yet. Help is there and you should not feel ashamed about it. You should not have to feel this way literally pulling your hair out - mainly because you have no way to let off steam - talk to someone, be taken seriously for feeling depressed.

    Not sure if your parents are that bad - its easy for a parent not to spot the clues in even the worse depression. When young I felt awkward around parents with certain problems - maybe you have another relative out there you get along with?

    Saying that, maybe therapy or counselling would be better as these people understand from the word go about depression. You will not exhaust them as you might with parents. To be honest, its hard as hell for a parent to have an answer even if you said you felt like killing yourself. Even if they love you I guess its maybe not taught in parenting class.

    One other thing, often as not it will parents you fall out when depressed! The closer someone is to you the more cruel you can be in words. Sometimes arguments get out of hand and you will say things you'd not say to a stranger. Thankfully, most people make up fairly soon but you got to be careful as it easy to get into a 'not talking to your sister' mood with a stand off for months on end.

    I hope you get the help you deserve Miss Misery and I'm sure that your intelligent enough to maybe pick up your education and run with that as a coping mechanism. Study can give you the chance to learn many useful social skills.

    I don't know if your mother and father have praised you enough when growing up - encouraged you and so on. It is sad if they have not but maybe they have problems and maybe its for the best if you concentrate on yourself and get yourself well.

    When you feel a bit better in yourself (which you will if you get help) then I'm sure you'll make a few friends and will be good company. You might meet a nice Mr Happiness one day but till then keep studying, try to get along with your parents and don,t think you need to fight this alone!

    Good luck, God Bless and All the Best for the future.
     
  9. MissMisery

    MissMisery Well-Known Member

    Thanks for that. I've seen my GP about it but they don't help they just refer me back to the useless psychologist I'm under care of yet I don't even see him and don't get on with him. I'm at doctors in morning about blood test results so I'll have a word I need something to calm me down.

    In such a stress today we have mice in the house pests and I'm terrified I can't relax or sleep argh

    Parents have their own issues my mother lied to my dad for 20 years I'm 24 now and four years ago she told me and my so called dad tht he isn't my biological dad so now he resents me for it I feel. he takes all his frustrations out on me and my mum just doesn't care at all anyways got to try and get thru tday and tnight I'm dreading it feel so ill
     
  10. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    there is a product called "riddex" (riddex.com) that plugs into electrical outlets. seems to get rid of mice

    there may be other products out there that also work. you might be able to get one via craigslist for cheaper than new

    I hope that things get better and that you will be able to sleep and relax
     
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