I was raped by my ex boyfriend a few months ago. He spiked my drink on New Years Eve with high levels of alcohol and raped me. It was my first time ever having sexual intercourse as well. After that, we were still together because I believed that somehow I had brought it upon myself from the dress that I was wearing (which he picked out) and just my personality and stupidity. He expected then after to be able to have sex with me when ever he wanted. He wanted sex in a bar once and when I refused he yelled at me and told me that a was a nut case and mentally unstable because I was on Zoloft (a low dose). When we broke up, we went to a bar and he tried to hit on me and get back together with me even though he said that he confessed to only being with me because he found me sexually attractive. He told me I was stupid and he was much smarter than me. He tried again to rape me but this time I fought him off. I have not pressed charges because I want it all to go away. I just want to lead a normal life. I did though go to a doctor to get a referal to see a psychologist. He told me to "get over it and find someone who will f*ck you like you like to be f*cked". I have done what he has said. I have tried to lead a normal life and move on but I can't. I feel so guilty and dirty from what has happened. I don't feel as though I am living anymore. My family and friends don't understand this. I don't know what else to do. I tried to kill myself by drowning myself in a lake a few months ago, but my mum found me. I have no idea where to go or turn. There are no services for rape victims that I have found near me. Please help.