16 weeks ago tonight i took a massive overdose, my friends found me and called an ambulance. I had taken near on xx ect... Apparently i died 3 times, i was in a coma and was incubated, my lung collapsed ect. I was out two days later and somehow was fine just felt drugged up, shaky and dizzy for a few weeks. I was so angry when i came round; pulling at my tubes ect. My family and friends all reacted differently; no one got angry with but some are polite and keep bare contact, where others are closer. 16 weeks and i havn't cried! I don't feel anything about it other than anger that i was found and saved, i still want to die! Maybe that's why it won't hit me! i was admitted last week, tuesday till thursday because i had been xxx and planned to do it again that night. my head has been racing since, i don't know what i am doing or thinking half the time! i know i still want to die, that that part is there but nothing is sticking at the forefront of my head if you know what i mean. I know if i get stuck in that hell of a mindset again it will be the end of me! I have tried everything the professionals have to offer and what my loved ones have asked of me and nothing has changed! i have had depression and anxiety for 10 years but i think i have had since i was a young child i just didn't tell anyone and even after several suicide attempts, i was never diagnosed. i am 38 years old and so tired of this fight! my children where my anchor but i cant even connect with them anymore! i must be so f***ed up if i cant feel the love i have for my children!!!!
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