my parents are the problem...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by thepainwithin, Jul 13, 2009.

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  1. thepainwithin

    thepainwithin Well-Known Member

    i'm a 19 year old guy but my parents make me feel like i am 10. they are always looking over my shoulders and questioning every single thing i do. why are you going out so late? why'd you get in so late last night? whys this work not done? why didn't you do this? why didn't you do that? why are you doing everything wrong? and i hate it, i hate living at home, i hate THEM! my mom is an overly dramatic hypocrit. ex: we got a new puppy and he took a piss on the rug. instead of sighing and just cleaning it she responded with a "FUCK! This fucking dog! Oh, shit!" and then i swear (at 19) "hey! watch your language in my house!". and my dad is a no it all bent on getting his way everytime. ex: i like to play world of warcraft and i'm sitting in my room at 1 am playing WoW and watching tv. i'm dying or stuff is going right so i'm kinda like talking to myself and the game. my dad makes it a point to wake up from sleeping, walk in my room and tell me i'm going crazy because i'm talking to myself. no dad i'm just playing a game. ya well you're talking to the computer, isn't that kinda weird? no dad, i'm just playing a game! oh now the computer is making you raise your voice at me. NO DAD I'M JUST PLAYING A GAME! you're sick, that computer has you yelling at me, you need some help. etc.... he wakes up from sleeping just to instigate a fight with me. and he doesn't stop.

    in 9th grade i cut myself, it was just nicks that barely pierced skin (i realize now it was just for attention). my mom, of course, after begging her not to tell my dad tells my dad. she flips out like "oh my god he needs therapy, he's suicidal he's going to kill himself, he needs constant super vision. like wow can you just leave me alone pleasE?!!!!!

    i got caught for weed. 2 weeks later my dads best friends kids die from heroin over doses. my mom told my dad she thought i was going to die in 3 years. she said she thought i was doing heroin, cocaine, shrroms, lsd. just because those kids died at 21 she thought her own son was going to die. that is how much my parents love me, to the point where they think i'm going to die (from something i'm not doing) but they don't even offer to help me.

    i hate my parents. i hate them i hate them i hate them. i hate when they are home, i hate when they talk to me, i hate everything about them. and here's the kicker, i also hate college. i dont wanna go back, i'd rather die. i'm considering the army.

    i hate my parents. i dont love them at all. they are the reason im depressed, they are the reason im suicidal, they are the reason i hate myself. how can a person love themself if the people that created it cant even love it?

    i just wish they would fucking respect that im a person. my dad gave me a chore list a few weeks ago when he went out to the lake and it was like i was 9.
    -run dishwasher
    -take out trash
    -etc. etc. etc.
    -mow lawn (optional, or due monday). what?!!! due monday?! is this fucking school?

    and i wake up this morning to a note from my mom.
    -check off what you have done:
    like....they are my fucking priorities and you guys cant even give me 2 minutes to do it?!

    my dad once told me to do something.
    a half hour later he came in the room yelling at me because it wasn't done yet.

  2. BlondRedHead

    BlondRedHead Well-Known Member

    Join the Army kiddo. Better yet join the air force, they are the newest branch and treat their soldiers the best. Get out now, you can not force yourself to do well in school if your heart isn't in it and if you just go back because they make you it's a waste of time and money. Believe me.

    Besides the military will pay for you to go back when you get out. LEAVE NOW!!! It will be a way for you to learn self respect, discipline, somewhere where you will have structure and it'll teach you to be strong. You know your parents love you, they are just people though so like the rest of us they don't know shit. JOIN NOW. Sell most of your shit, pack a bag of bare essentials and bail.

  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    wow! I'm so sorry they're treating you this way. :(

    Have you tried talking to them about this? and about how you feel?
    Explain to them you arent a kid anymore.
    My family treat me like a kid sometimes but nowhere near to that extent.
    You need to talk to someone, a doctor about your depression, a therapist?
    Don't give won't have to live with them forever :hug:
  4. wastedmylife

    wastedmylife Well-Known Member

    dont join the military, so you can be cannon fodder for the criminals on washington?

    yea get out of the house though, you are 19, I wish I can go back to 19 and do things differently

    and your parents dont sound bad, they sound like they are toughing you up and conditioning you for this cruel world ahead, life is crueler when you get out of your parents place and have to face this evil world

    I think a worse parent would be someone who neglects you, I thought my parents were assholes but I just see them as conditioning me for this evil world
  5. BlondRedHead

    BlondRedHead Well-Known Member

    My brother and cousins joined the military, best thing they ever did. You need to be prepared for the real world but not that way. It's not working. I know exactly what you are talking about. The military might be a good way out, even if it the national guard or whichever. Do something to get your life together though before you just end up wasting time playing WOW and fighting with your parents.
    I have seen it sooo many times.
  6. reefer madness

    reefer madness Account Closed

    If you hate your parents so bad why are you still living with them?
  7. BlondRedHead

    BlondRedHead Well-Known Member

    Because he can't afford it, probably doesn't have a job yet and has been emotionally crippled ;)
  8. thepainwithin

    thepainwithin Well-Known Member

    i woke up this morning to drive my neighbor to the airport and my dad takes his car to fill it up with gas. the second he gets out he starts yelling at me and says im acting like a 3rd grader because im not already over the neighbors helping her pack. i get back and my dad is threatening to call the police on me because i wont leave the house because i have no where to go. hes fucking 60 and picks fights with fucking 19 year olds. i hate him i fucking hate him. i can't fucking wait until i get so worked up that i kill myself. let's see how those fuck ups like me now.

    this ass hole should be in jail. i should've called the fucking cops the first time he had me pinned against the wall drunk off his ass.
  9. X-51

    X-51 Active Member

    I left home when I was 16, though under different circumstances.

    As far as the extreme amounts of negative attention and overly presumptive supervision that you're getting, most parents tend to do that to some degree. If your parents discovered you were cutting yourself, regardless of the reasons, that would typically in most households be cause for alarm. Real or imagined, they may have perceived a threat.

    The results however, certainly appear a bit over-blown.

    In some cases, (Not yours perhaps, but some) teenagers tend to view any form of supervision as an intrusion. Some of it is justified, but some of it isn't. As angry as you are, you must accept that there your parents clearly view the situation differently than you do. (for right or for wrong.)

    Most arguments escalate. The longer they take to resolve, the less likely anybody will ever be happy with the result. Little things, become huge issues. This is what kills marriages, and most every other long-term relationship including family ties.

    My assumption, is that your parents, and you have created a problem together. The more time goes on, the more both sides get irritated at the slightest offence.

    The only advice I can give, is based on my own history, which may be radically different from yours. But I do hope it is of some use.

    So here goes: My (completely un-asked for) advice:

    Take some time, to consider your own behavior, and be honest with yourself about them. Then, contrast those actions with those of your parents. Try to determine if a reaction was justified. Once you have your feelings mapped out, determine what you want to do with them.

    -Is it bad enough to leave?
    -Consider your assets. Friends, family, etc. etc. What do you have that's *essential* for survival, and what else do you have that is not? Can you drive?
    -Prepare a resume. Make it as professional as possible. Seek out help if you need it.
    -Begin a job search. Look for temp. agencies especially. You would be surprised how many excellent job opportunities you can obtain this way. Manpower, Volt Technical Services, and Staffmark are some big names.
    -Plan out a budget. Determine how much $ you require for sustenance based on the cost of food, and apartments in the area that you wish to live. Go to supermarkets, and plan out a week's worth of meals and the estimated cost.
    Do an apartment search. Seek out low-cost, or rent-controlled housing.

    If nothing else, having a plan will make you feel more secure if you do end up leaving. At the very least, considering all these things will give you something to take your mind off the current situation.

    Whatever you choose to do, do it with a clear head and an understanding of the consequences. Moving out, (or joining the military) are not casual choices to be made. In either case, you will be well and truly on your own. If you end up not caring for the Military, you may find yourself in a worse situation then what you left. If you choose to live on your own however, at least the millitary will still be an option if you don't care for that.

    In any event, killing yourself to spite people that you don't believe care for you at all, isn't worth it. Find what works for you.

    But the worst mistake you could possibly make, is to justify the irrational behavior of your parents, with your own brand of equally irrational behavior. All that does, philosophically at least, is justify those you oppose. And that's just counter-productive.
  10. jjjoooggg2

    jjjoooggg2 Well-Known Member

    I think I have first hand experience. But I think that you should seek professional advice from a psychiatrist.

    You are very young. But now, that I'm 39. I wish that I would have moved away from my parents as earlier. I wasted all those years in a way. I wanted to live in another city too for the last 15 years.

    There is one good thing about strict parents. I don't see my self getting women pregnant like I see among employees or taking drugs.

    When I was 24, my father's psychiatrist told him to let me work for someone else. But he didn't let me. Now, he just started seeing a different psychiatrist and the psychiatrist said the same thing. He told me that it would be okay for me to move out of the city. Realize my father is much older so it's not as easy a decision to do this late. But I saw the psychiatrist and he gave me the green light to leave town. It is difficult for my parents to let me go because I've been their employee since I was 12. If you don't work for your parent's company, it will be easier for you to leave.

    Do your parents want you to move out? Do you want to move out? Is military appealing? I have met a couple people who didn't like the air force. Both went a wall. Even the air force will send troops overseas to fight wars.
    Just something to think about. On the other hand I've met people who said that the air force has made them happy.

    This is all that I can think of right now. Just keep your cool. My parents are dramatic too. Good luck.

    When my sister moved out at 17. My father never forgave her. You might not want to burn any bridges between your parents if possible. Realize that you are very young. The psychiatrist said that I could always move back to my parents if things don't work out.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 14, 2009
  11. thepainwithin

    thepainwithin Well-Known Member

    I have no money to move out. I can't afford school, I can't afford all my legal fees. I live in Michigan, there are no jobs and I've been looking for 6 months, still looking. I hit my lowest point today. I've been crying for the last 3 hours. I have no one to talk to. No friends, no family, my ex girlfriend is blowing up at me for wanting to talk to her. I've been sitting alone in the basement in the dark wishing I could end it all. I don't know what else to do. I'm so unhappy, so depressed right now.
  12. jjjoooggg2

    jjjoooggg2 Well-Known Member

    This is more serious than I thought. My family went through this yelling at each other till my bro died. Then everyone went from Mr. Hyde to Mr. Jeckle. A psychiatrist would have more credibility than I. It seems you have a mountain in front of you to climb. They say God gives you only what you can handle. I hope that is the case. Don't make any wrong friends during this time. It's better to have no friends than the wrong friends. Good luck.
  13. jjjoooggg2

    jjjoooggg2 Well-Known Member

    Maybe you could find a suicide support group within your city. Someone on this forum should know what resources are available.

    I don't think that friends or teachers or elders will understand what you are going through. You need a professional in these things. A psychiatrist has seen it all.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 14, 2009
  14. X-51

    X-51 Active Member

    I'm afraid I know little about suicide prevention groups. Your local hospital may be able to assist however. I strongly recommend you contact them. They may be able to provide resolutions no one else might even be aware of. Saving lives is more than just stitches and gauze after all. *Improving* lives is the other 50%.

    However, employment happens to be something I *might* be able to assist with.

    Try this perhaps?


    Employment may help you get closer to whatever goals you may have. If nothing else, get you out of the house for a bit perhaps?
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 14, 2009
  15. killtomorrow

    killtomorrow Well-Known Member

    damn, thats fucked up!
    have you considered joining the peace corp?
  16. bright1

    bright1 Well-Known Member

    I think that the advice you got to join the Air Force is good advice. I had an unhappy home life too (I had a mentally ill sister who forced us all to walk on eggshells), and couldn't wait to get away. I learned a lot in the Air Force, not only a useful skill, but a lot of things that were useful in life. I got to see the world in a way that my family never got to. My education was largely paid for, and I met a wonderful man.

    And there is no way that your parents can treat you like a child when you've been in uniform. They'll say that you've changed, blah blah blah, but really it's just their perception of you that changed. And they'll want to take credit for having raised you right--you'll have to be sure to tell them that they're mistaken about that.

    The Air Force should keep you out of the worst of things in Iraq and Afghanistan. And it could be that by the time you get done with technical school, that won't even be a concern.
  17. jjjoooggg2

    jjjoooggg2 Well-Known Member

    I didn't even think about the perception thing. I should have joined.
  18. thepainwithin

    thepainwithin Well-Known Member

    i dunno what to do, the army can be a scary thought. currently i can't join anyway until after court.
  19. jjjoooggg2

    jjjoooggg2 Well-Known Member

    I went to watch a graduation of army enlisted dental assisstants. She is stationed in Germany to be a dental assistant. They look like regular people. You shouldn't be scared unless you sign up for infantry. Just don't let the recruiters decide for you. Find the best job you can take enlisted. Maybe, there is a study guide for the ASVAB. You will have to take that test.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 15, 2009
  20. thepainwithin

    thepainwithin Well-Known Member

    How do i move out with no money and no job?
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