My Parents Don't Love Me

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by fromthatshow, Apr 9, 2009.

  1. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I guess the title sounds kind of whiny... but... I came to the conclusion today. Truly accepted it. My therapist agreed. I mean, she said they probably love me in their own way, but to an extent I was never loved, and the longer that I wait around for their love, the long I stay longing for it, the longer I suffer.
    So a true acceptance of the fact that I will not get love from them. Well, the tears will probably come later, now is just the conscious acceptance.

    But... where does that leave me? I cannot find unconditional love from other people, it's impossible. No one else can be the mother I am searching for. She said to find my spirit mom. Or for those who don't believe, to be your own mom. I heard someone on here once say, grow your own parents inside you, or something to that extent.
    So I'll be spending some time with my spirit mom, because she loves me unconditionally.
  2. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    I'm not sure what to say...

    I have no real words of comfort, but know that I can somewhat relate.

    My father was so emotionally abusive that he was stripped of his parental rights, and my mom always puts her big important job before me.

    I know the unloved feeling. Don't know if that helps but you are not alone.
  3. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    As another child who never really felt loved...well :sad:
    I found the love I had missed when my son was born.
    Here was the unconditional love I had sought my entire life:smile:
    I also became my own best friend.
    Love yourself. Nurture your inner self, be kind to yourself and as odd as it sounds...hug the child that needs you so badly.
  4. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    heh that's what my therapist says
    she's great
    she offered to rub my back last session
    i wish she was my mom
  5. Hayley

    Hayley Active Member

    she could be your spirit mom, or you could maybe think up who you want your mom to be.
  6. Goldfish

    Goldfish Member

    I know how you feel, I have had to come to terms with the same topic with my therapist. The problem with the uncondidtional love thing is that it makes me a relationship retard, and I get so dissapointed in people because I put everone first, and expect it back. I so badly want tobe healthy in my relationships.

    I guess i'll try and grow a mom too, I like that.
  7. wastedmylife

    wastedmylife Well-Known Member

    I think parents always love their kids, my parents werent that good but I dont blame them I blame other people, now that my life is fucked I can tell they care about me and are upset, I wish they didnt care about me that would be awesome, now I am hurting them and me, I wish my parents didnt care about me so I wouldnt have to worry about hurting them, people really should die for wat has happened to my life
  8. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    yeah, i can relate. people say i have a mother (or something very nurturing and knows how to keep myself alive and has a lot a lot of insight) inside of me all the time that's why i'm alive. i didn't realise i had that ability until very recently, or that i'd been hurt so much.
  9. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    To Goldfish I am EXACTLY the same way.
    I get into a relationship basically wanting a mother... unconditional love.
    Then I end up hating them because they can never give it to me, or be it. Unconditional love is rare if not impossible to find, and if you don't get it to your parents, well you might understand why I'm here.

    To wastedmylife, I wish my parents did care! I came out of the hospital after being there for a month. I feel like my mother wasn't the least bit caring. I told her I wanted to kill myself. It's probably all to get the love of my mother, and accepting that I won't get it I think will lessen suicidal thinking. But if I got it, maybe I'd never have been suicidal in the first place. I wish she would cry over me. My mother has never cried when I talk about suicide, she only gets frustrated. I wish she would cry over me.
  10. daniel2

    daniel2 Banned Member

    I always get pissed off when I hear the phrase "unconditional love". You get that from your dog. Why do people feel they are entitled to unconditional love as if it's a right. Isn't love more meaningful if its acquired through behaviour and action?

  11. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    My parents never showed love. My dad ran the house like it was boot camp and we were his little soldiers. I never had the chance to feel real love from them..Up until two years ago I wouldn't even talk to them.. I would miss holidays because I didn't want to be around them.. Two years ago I sat my dad down and told him exactly how I felt and how much they had hurt me..We cleared the air that day and now everytime he sees me he always hugs me and tells me he loves me. As far as mom goes she is in a valuim haze. Lost in her own little world..My therapist suggested I get a pup so I did. Then I asked myself what the hell did I do that for..I can't even take care of myself..After a month he started growing on me. And after the next month he was my faithfull companion. Now I love him to death. He always knows when I am down and lays next to me on the bed until I finally decide to get up..Maybe you should sit your parents down and have a heart to heart conversation.. Let them know how much you are hurting..You have to remember they are from another generation and learned their behavours from there parents..Talk to them o.k.??
  12. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I've talked but I'm talking to a wall. They are like those toys where you pull the string on their back and they only have so many phrases. At a point you're just wasting their time and mine.
  13. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    Then again, I think as a child, parents have a responsibility and that can damage someone a lot as they grow older if they're basic needs weren't responded to. I don't get unconditional love because when I'm in pain, I don'tget any support because I'm screaming questions to people who believe I should love them unconditionally.

    Spencer- yeah. A brick wall, that's how my parents were too.
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 11, 2009