My parents everybody -.-

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Cooki, May 11, 2014.

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  1. Cooki

    Cooki Well-Known Member

    It's mother's day, so we went to my grandma's place today. I took a baby's toy of mine with me, for my little newborn cousin. My dad yelled at me, because he's angry with my little cousin's mother. She wanted to relax a bit before we would come to see the child, I mean, she just gave birth and she was really stressed and everything. My parents couldn't think of that, so they think that my aunt just doesn't want them, so us, my parents my brother and me. That's why my dad told me not to give that toy to my little cousin "cause it's used and it's from us, so they won't want it." I gave it to her anyway. Then I walked up to my other cousin's room with my other cousin and the two sisters of my little cousin. My parents don't like the twins either, so after about 10 minutes in my cousin's room with her and the twins, my mum came upstairs and told me that we had to go home. We were just outside my cousin's room when she said "You're glad I came to free you, aren't you." and she just didn't get why I said no, because I like my cousins. So yeah, that was that. I had a stomach ache when I had to go to the car and we drove home, because I don't have any problems as long as I'm not around my parents, but then I was, so my problems came back again. In the car, my parents argued about nonesense (=> soccer). I got a head ache, and when we finally were at home I stretched out on the couch and closed my eyes, ignoring all that was around me. Then - all of a sudden - my mum came in and yelled at me, that I just sleep on the couch while she's doing all the work. I didn't realize that she had started cooking, otherwise I would have helped her. It went on when we had dinner. My mum yelled that she had known that it wouldn't work if she did what was written on the package (if she already knew, why did she do it in the first place? Okay, I asked her to make that the way it said on the package, but there were two different ways written on the package, and I only asked her to do so, I didn't say she must or anything. But okay, she just wanted to do me a favor). So now she's p*ssed off and angry with me. My dad is yelling at me as well, cause I didn't help him with his stuff (while I helped my mum with cooking after she told me so. And anyways, what my dad does isn't important at all. He was reorganizing his self-built ship-models). Well, yeah, I'm sorry I can't be on two different places at once. My parents have a very conservative attitude towards work and life and stuff. The male command the female and the adults command the kids. So my dad commands my mum and me, my brother commands me and partly my mother, my mother commands me and I have to obey. And of course, the female cook, raise the children and do any other household, while the male are hunting. Which means that my mother cooks, has looked after me and my brother and works, I tidy up, cook, do the dishes, help my mum out at work sometimes and buy food and things like that, while my brother commands me and my dad buys hifi and stuff. So yeah, that's modern life for my family. I'm sick of being treated like garbage, and I'm sick of my parents acting like they were the only worthy people on that goddamn planet. I've organized an internship at the university for summervacation, only to be away from my parents. It's a pity that I won't be able to go to my twin-cousins' for their birthdays that way, because I'll stay at a hotel near the university, but I can still call them. If I'm alive until that day...... My life is getting on my nerves, really. It's not only my parents, it's not only today. I have never been allowed to have a sleepover at a friend's house, I have never been allowed to go meet up someone on the weekend, I've never been allowed to just go outside without telling my parents a good reason for it. It's even hard to buy a present for my mum's or dad's birthday without having to tell them so. My whole existence is only focussed on being that perfect child for my parents to show off how good they are, how smart and how organized. In fact, my parents only let me do my homework so that I can get good marks and then they can show everyone the wonderful report I got at the end of the year. My parents always suggest me to study law and get rich. They never ask what I want and don't want. My parents want me to be successful so that they can show off. I just want to have an own life, without anyone who tells me what to do. I just want to help people, I want to be someone other people will go to when they're sad. But my parents don't care. I guess they won't even allow me to study psychology or IT or something. My parents everyone -.-
     
  2. Cooki

    Cooki Well-Known Member

    Ouch, it's more than I wanted to write '^^ sorry 0:) to anyone who reads it through: thank you really much, you're awesome!
     
  3. Cooki

    Cooki Well-Known Member

    Huh, I'm so hopeless right now.... I would really like to kill myself tonight.... So that I'd be found tomorrow in the morning, right before I should be ready for school.... I'm wondering what my classmates would react like. I think they would all just laugh because they'd think it's a joke.
     
  4. Hatshepsut

    Hatshepsut Guest

    Please don't kill yourself right now.

    If you feel like killing yourself now, ask someone for help if you can. Even a hospital emergency doctor, if you have a phone.

    I'm saying it twice. I have no way to know what is happening with you. I cannot help you directly. This web site has people who struggle with thoughts about suicide or other forms of self-harm. I am thinking about suicide, too. But not doing it, now. If you are in danger right now, the best help is probably at the emergency doctor or hospital. I don't know how that works in Germany. In most countries, there is a special emergency phone number. I can guess that you have a computer, and it is possible to contact the police or another emergency service by email without a phone, if you need to. I don't know how that works in Germany, either. But you could Google your police department to find out.

    If you are okay right now, you can try to get help in the morning. I cannot tell you whether your parents or someone else where you are will help you, or whether it is safe to go to them or not. Only you know that. That's all I can say.

    Best wishes to you...
     
  5. Cooki

    Cooki Well-Known Member

    My parents should never get to know anything about my suicidal thoughts. They would just push me down the gorge even more. My grandmother has ended her life many years before my mum even met my dad, but that's why my parents always had a special attitude towards psychological problems. My dad denies that they exist in the first place. I think he never got over his mother's death.... He was told that she had attempted suicide a few times before, to get his dad to do what she wanted, and that this successfully completed attempt was just an accident. He believed it. He still does. He thinks there are always other reasons for suicide, nothing to do with psychology.
    Naaaah, police doesn't sound any good to me. And calling a hospital around here isn't helpful in any way. There is a crisis number for youths in germany, but I can't call because my parents would find out....
     
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