I suppose they're well meaning, but after a point it gets kind of old. They've always been over-protective of me, but I realize that I have really bad social skills. When I talk to people, I've noticed that I have a habit of sending confusing signals. It all has to do with the fact that they've always averted their selves from people and expected me to do the same. I mean, its almost to the point of paranoia for them. I remember, my dad used to think people were following him, when in reality they probably just happened to be going in the same direction, and he would turn the car off of a side road real fast to loose them. its nerve racking, and its just not fucking normal. I mean, my parents were the kind of dumb fucks that thought that everything in the world was out there to harm their children. Their paranoid perception of the world was probably shaped more by the news and their Christian, conservative values than anything else. I remember when I was 13, I was walking home with some kids, and didn't get home till an hour later than I normally got home, and my mom was all worried about me. I mean, I was a little too big to be snatched into a car in broad daylight or to be lured with candy. They've always had the amazing ability to embarass me around my peers. They also gave me all the bullshit about waiting till marriage to have sex and scared me about STD's and pregnancy. I even got a talk when I was 13 about the evils of masturbation. Its not motherfucking normal god damn it. I mean, I still live with my parents at 20, and, more than ever, I avoid people. Its not really that I want to. Its just I have a phobia of how others perceive me and have a severe awkwardness. I've just developed a horrible phobia of social settings. Recently, I was at an acquaintances friends house , and I was just staying quiet, and getting bombarded with a whole lot of questions by the group of 6 people that were there. I was the new comer, so I had to prove myself to everyone else. I just stayed mostly quiet, and just started to clam up when I felt I was being tested. They were making perverted jokes about different things like bestiality and such, ultimately to see how I would react. I was so self conscious that I didn't really know how to respond and just looked nervous. They also asked me about my sexual orientation and sex life at one point and all sorts of personal things, and I just clammed up. While I was in a state of retreat, they started talking amongst their selves about me, as if I wasn't there in the room, and said things like "Do you think this guy is a freak or a weirdo?" and "this guy is pretty dumb" and other stuff like that. Because I don't have a girlfriend, people automatically think I'm la pervert or an in the closet gay. It pisses me off. They don't know me and think they understand everything about psychology but they don't. Perhaps it was just my lack of facial expression too. I don't know. It was like the 7th layer of hell. They, in a way, apologized and gave me a second chance to hang out again, but I really wanna just stay the fuck away from them. Another time when I was 20, I went on a hiking trip with some friends. I was in a canyon for a day, and when I got back up, I had a ton of text messages in my inbox and several voice messages. I gave a call back to my parents and they were like, "Oh we prayed for you. We thought you died Its a miracle youre alive, blah blah blah blah". I was on the phone witht hem for 20 minutes in Dennys and my friends were looking at me in an odd way. I sat down, and one of them said, They're being really parental". I just said, bluntly, "yah". They deove me back to my house, and my parents greeted them as they helped me carry my stuff inside. I was just sort of embarassed by how they blatantly showed how dependant I was on them. I waved goodbye to them, and after that our friendship sort of fell off, because I was too embarrassed to really call them back. I feel like Ive developed an unhealthy dependency. They make me feel as if I can't live without them. I've told them that I've thought about moving out on more than one occasion, but they have a long talk with me every time about how I probably wont make it on my own and I should just live on the property with them. I'm currently unemployed and taking some classes at a local college that I'm not passionate about whatsoever. They have a tendency to over react about things and such. One time my mom caught me talking to myself from the other room. I was saying things like, "You stupid motherfucker.. I hate you. I hate you", referring to myself. My mom asked me if I was talking to myself and if anything was bugging me. I just said, "no". When I did make an effort to tell them how depressed I was, my mom said I had nothing to complain about and how she had it som much harder at my age. It really gets on my nerves. I don't get out hardly without my parents, and I just feel weird. I feel fucking weird. Its not healthy. They're too posessive. They're fucking morons. I hate them. They moved 2000 miles away from where I lived my whole life my senior year and its only gotten worst since then. I lost my life long social contacts, such as my friends from kindergarten and my other siblings. There was a girl from high school I got a hold of on facebook, who said was really into me. I was into her too, but I was too afraid of unwanted pregnancy and the perceived inefficacy of condemns to really date anyone. Plus, I had too low of self esteem to ask anyone out. Anyway, I talked to her online and told my Dad about it, and he said that he was suspicious of it and that she just wanted something from me and told me about how sex clouds judgement. I really didn't have the money to go out there and date her, so I'm stuck here. I feel isolated and pathetic. They facilitated this overall lack of street smarts in me, and, as a result, think or know I can't handle the world on my own. My dad has even had the nerve to say, on numerous occasions, that he feels he was overprotective of me. Well, no shit you dumb fuck. It gets even uglier than this. I found out from my sister that he molested my older sister once when she was 16 and that he beat my brother with a stick when he was 14. I suppose he had a hidden alcohol problem at the time. I'm of course his kid, so he hasn't really abused me in any physical way. Those are his step children, so he felt different about it I guess. He's seems a lot friendlier now than he was back then. He's more lax with me now that I'm 22. I mean he let me take the car to my acquaintances friend's house that one time I had that disconcerting experience. He's even paying for my college. Like I said, he always kept a close eye on me when I was younger though to the point of not developing social skills though. He even made a point of criticizing the value of building social skills one time, I feel bizarre and really weird. I'm not comfortable in my own skin. To be honest, I really don't like the man. He's a pathetic excuse for a human being. I can't get past the whole molestation thing. Fucking bastard... They say I don't have problems. I do have problems, and none of it is normal. I really hate myself too for being so weak. I've distanced myself from having a potentially good relationship with a girl I really liked. I hate myself. Its like I don't even feel like getting out of bed anymore. I just want to go to bed and not wake up to avoid the dissonance in my life. I can't handle it any longer. I hate how the cock sucker holds it over my head. He was drunk one time at my uncles, and he talked to my cousin on the phone and said, "my son needs to get laid". The Fucker! He pays his bills, he works a full job, he seems like a decent person to many, but I hate him. I fucking hate him. I should have been more rebellious as a kid. I wasn't, and I just feel like a weak specimen as a result. I appreciate anyone that's taken the time to listen. I have a lot of feelings bottled up inside.