My parents make me feel like a freak

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by aki, Sep 4, 2008.

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  1. aki

    aki Well-Known Member

    I'm starting university again soon, and in a big city far away from where I live now with my parents. We went up yesterday and I got lost and couldn't find anything so I just left and went back to the station. Now my dad decided to give me a 'talk' today. He said that while we were in the city he 'noticed how I acted', he said I 'seemed tense'. He said I 'couldn't communicate with anyone' (I don't know how he knows this, he wasn't with me the whole time, and also I know no one yet, but yeah he knows everything btw). He said 'I couldn't relate to anyone'. I asked him for some examples of all this, so he gave some: I didn't want to be seen with him on the street, I didn't but my train ticket, I wouldn't ask anyone for directions when I got lost (but I did eventually and still got lost). At first, he was all kind of nice and sympathetic/patronising but then when I started asking him what he meant, he got really angry and started shouting at me, saying why was I so defensive, why I was arguing. He said I should go to the doctor to get something to 'calm me down'.
    I don't know, I don't think I'm describing this accurately enough but basically it was being told that I can't do anything, that I won't be able to manage, it was just devastating and made me feel like a complete freak. He picked out everything idiosyncratic thing about me or whatever and twisted everything around.....and then I said, 'you hardly even know me, we hardly ever go anywhere together. How can you know all of this from one day?' And then he shouted at me, 'don't be stupid, it's been like this for twenty years!'
    I mean if I was to pick out every abnormal thing about them, which there are many, and tell them to go to the dad started screaming at me in front of everyone in the college, literally screaming, it was the worst thing ever. And my mum went crazy from stress or something earlier that day and was screaming and throwing things at me.
    I just don't know how can have faith in myself if my parents don't believe in me. I was thinking I'll be ok, but now I don't think I will be. I just don't know what to do now....I don't even want to go now, it seems like it's all been ruined and I just feel like I'm going to fail...I mean I couldn't even find where I was supposed to go...and I feel like such a failure. They don't think I can do it, they even said that maybe I go somewhere closer, even though it's too late now.
    I just don't understand what they want from's like they don't want me to live with them forever, not doing anything in my life, but they don't have any faith in me to be able to make it by myself. So I just don't know what to do...I can't help being who I am, no matter how stupid or incompetent. Just what should I do? I feel really suicidal, no joke.
    And it's not a case of, 'oh get out there and prove them wrong!!!' or other such statements, because it's not that easy. My confidence is shattered. I can't stop crying, I was crying on the train the whole way home and had to try and hide it. *sigh*
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Sorry I just saw this, but I have been offline for a while...please do not let what your parent say about you be the deciding factor concerning who you are and what you are able to do...try to prove them wrong, and excel in school, and of luck, J
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