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my partner committed suicide on 6th feb

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by julie1965, Feb 18, 2011.

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  1. julie1965

    julie1965 Member

    please can anyone understand what im going through, my partner of 6 years hung himself on the 6th of feb i really feel it is all my fault.
  2. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i'm so sorry for your loss. there are many people here who have lost a loved one. keep posting. let us help.
  3. tappa

    tappa Well-Known Member

    Im not going to insult you by saying i can understand the degree of pain and loss you are feeling right now because im not in your situation. All i know is your emotions must be crazy and for that i must apologise, no one should go through what you are :hug:
    But it was not your fault. Not at all. Unfortunately im suicidal myself and one thing that you can always be sure of is when someone ends their life its for them. The resposibility lies with them. People around them can only do SO much to help. The rest is up to the person.
    I really hope you have lots of support yourself to help you through this tragic time.
    My thoughts are with you x
  4. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Im with Tappa, although Ive never suffered a loss to this affect, I have been depressed and suicidial as far back as I can remember, and most times Im living for others, and sometimes the pain is to much that I feel like I cant go on for anyone. Dont blame yourself, it rarely has anything to do with others, its whats on the inside of the one suffering.

    Im so sorry your going through this, my thoughts are with you and family.
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I hope you have got some support for you some grief councilling when your ready I have lost someone and i know the pain is so deep but i too have learned and know that it was nothing you did It was the sadness it was his illness that too him away and nothing anyone could have done in that time really. It may not have even been his choice in the end it was his sadness okay his pain overtook all rationality and took him away.

    Please keep reaching out for help for you now I am so sorry for your loss
  6. MileEater

    MileEater New Member

    Your partner is OK. We all lose loved ones. I've lost many.
    It's especially difficult to lose someone this way. I believe
    the essential fact is that however they are lost, you must
    know they are OK. You are the person in pain, they are not.

    I've lost enough people to dread the feeling of shock and disbelief.

    I sympathize with how much it hurts. I believe we never get
    over these things. We get through them. Life is a journey
    with a beginning and an end. Now you need to take care of
    yourself. Do what is right for you. Try not to feel sorry for
    yourself, or to carry guilt. Neither serves us well.

  7. pooky

    pooky Living with A Beautiful Mind...

    don't think it to be ur fault.each n everone of us suffers loss - whether by natural death,suicide ,murder.

    Its absolutely not your fault and neither is his.

    I can feel for the loss(hell i myself have suffered several losses) .Again dont blame yorself we are here to help you overcome ur grief.Feel free to pm me anytime.

    I can understand what u r going through.You r probably blaming yourself for the loss of ur dear one.Try to forget about the past and look towards the future.
  8. lachrymose27

    lachrymose27 Well-Known Member

    sorry for your loss.
  9. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I agree with the other posts. It is not your fault. When a person is suffering suicidal feelings, thoughts and urges, they really arent the person you know and love at that point. They need answers to whatever is troubling them and at that moment in time they completely believe that is the only answer or solution. I know that is what I am feeling each time I have attempted. I dont think of others or even myself then.

    You cannot accept the responsibility that this carries. Because it is not yours to carry. I know there are no words that are going to be posted here that is going to make it all better and heal all that hurts. Atleast not right now. But please believe the words we are all offering. And once you have had a chance to grieve these words will have more meaning. Please hun keep posting and get it out. Dont let suicide and the depression that follows take another person down. Let us help get you through this :arms:
  10. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    my heart aches for you...I'm so sorry for your loss..
    what you are feeling is 'normal' in grief after suicide...it's not your fault..
    there will be many emotions to deal with and guilt and blame are some..
    therapy is a good idea...support groups, reading lots of books on grief helped me...( i lost a child to suicide)
    here if you ever need to talk..*hug*
  11. Fedupforreal

    Fedupforreal Well-Known Member

    People don't take their own lives because they don't love their family or their friends or their partners--they do it because they hurt so bad. Sometimes there is some form of mental illness but not always. They're not thinking clearly when they do it but it does not mean they're bipolar or schizophrenic or any other mental illness. I'd think depression almost always plays a part. Just know they're at peace and that it's not your fault. I am very sorry for your loss.

    He didn't do it to cripple you or hurt you. He was simply in a great deal of pain and had resigned himself to at least the belief that it was more than he could bear.
  12. julie1965

    julie1965 Member

    ty you all for all the support. at this moment i dont really know what im gonna do, we had an argument, i left, went to my daughters for a while, i was still in contact with my darling, returnedd home to get a few things, and there i found him, his family kicked me out of our home because it was rented off his sister and they all balme me
  13. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    his family will need someone to blame because they can't process what their son has done..
    don't take it on board hun..
    you have to look after yourself and that means not blaming yourself
  14. julie1965

    julie1965 Member

    ty hun for taking the time to reply to me, i do feel a little comfort from all of you xx
  15. pooky

    pooky Living with A Beautiful Mind...

    no problem at all feel free to pm me if ya want.
  16. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You left to your daughters you were looking after you His suicide had nothing to do with you he just was to far to deep in depression to reach out for help
    his family are being very cruel and unjust to kick you out Your focus now has to be with taking care of you and your daughter hugs
  17. julie1965

    julie1965 Member

    ty once again for all your comments, so nice not to feel all alone, thankyou everyone xx
  18. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

  19. thoso

    thoso Member

    I'm sorry about your loss and the situation you are in.

    As the others are saying, it's not your fault. Even if you had an argument and perhaps, said some nasty things to eachother - it's not your fault. Don't blame yourself.

    Having these suicidal feelings myself (and I know this is the way I will eventually leave), I can assure you that most suicides really don't blame others for their bad luck in life. Most actually blame themselves if they want to put a 'face' on the reason why they can't go on any longer.

    His family is grieving and they probably want to understand why. But the catch is - they probably never will. So their grief and pain turns into anger instead and is directed towards you because.... well, you are there and an easy target because of bla bla...

    I hope you figure out a way to go on. :)
  20. Chalmers

    Chalmers Well-Known Member

    I feel dark. It's not my wife's fault. It's my own. Some times I feel she'd be better off without me. I stay for her. If I went, it wouldn't be her fault, it'd be my own. Grieve, but don't blame yourself.
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