i don't necessarily blame my fathers death for being the root of my problems, but i do believe that that's where it started. when i was 6 years old, he committed suicide on my parents' anniversary. i didn't really know him. i can't even picture his face when i try to think about him. mental illness has run through my dads side for many generations. unfortunately, i've got it as well (clinical depression). and it isn't fair. i feel so empty without him. it's like, why would he do that when he could've watched me grow? i know it isn't my fault that he did that, but i always think it. i wish that i could know him at least. i don't remember him at all. i get stupid thoughts a lot. i'm going to therapy and i'm on meds. but still i get these thoughts. and i blame him. if he would've gotten in a car accident or something else, then i would feel differently, i know i would. because it was his CHOICE to do what he did. he CHOSE to leave. and i have so many answers that are unanswered and will always be unanswered. it's not fair.