yes, on top of my already compounding personal issues, i have sunken even further into hell on earth. i love poker, so much so that i can spend up to 8 straight hours at the casino, or on my computer playing. however poker isn't the problem. the last month has been hell, i have managed to gamble away 40 percent of my income over the next 5 months. All on something as STUPID as ONLINE blackjack and roulette.......ON FUCKING LINE!! for all i know that shit can be rigged, although i doubt that. it started off with a little bet on blackjack, after losing i chased my losses and eventually lost all the money i had won playing poker. the amount was 850 dollars, all winnings over a month gone in a flash. so i desperately took out 350 dollars, and instead of using poker to gain my money back, i wanted it to be a quick fix, but obviously lost it on roulette. so fast forward to today, after losing an additional 400 i decided to try again, so i took out 200. the worst part of it all that makes me feel like shit is that i was up 115 and was ready to quit, when i decided to give roulette a quick go "just 10 dollars" so i bet on the first 24 numbers, giving me a 67 percent chance to win, and what do you know, 6 numbers in a row between 25 and 36 come up, a 33 percent likely hood, six times in a row, very fishy. so now i lost it all when i could have been only 700 dollars in debt. instead I'm now something like 1200, and i only receive 500 a month from school. So i plan on paying 200 a month, and with my phone bill of 50, ill have to be miserably poor for the next 5 or 6 months living off of 250 dollars. by which time i will be done school, and no longer eligible for funding, and i will have no money saved up, where as i had planned to have at least 1000 saved up because i cant find a job do to my disability and social anxiety, not to mention low self esteem and bad depression. so yea, i contemplated suicide for a second, but i guess in the grand scheme of things a thousand dollars isn't that big of a deal right? well, sorta yes and sorta no. i have no one to turn to as my family would disown me, they are very good Muslims, and i would be a disgrace to them. my mom often asks me where all my money is, she thinks I'm spending it on drugs, i just want to tell her that it isn't drugs and its my gambling problem in the hopes that she would understand, but thats about as silly as hoping to make money with online gambling. i should also mention that in addition to this 1200 dollars i lost, i have also lost approx. 1500 over the last 7 months or so. so in 7 months i have lost 2700 dollars, and i have only had 2500, so I'm actually down over all. these past two months i haven't received any money because its summer and school is out obviously. so i have a meeting with the welfare people on Wednesday, hopefully i am approved money for July and don't have to wait for august, wish me luck......... GOD I AM SUCH A FRIGGIN MORON/LOSER!! sorry for the incoherent rant, i did this to myself.