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my pathetic gambling problem........

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Ripx, Jul 10, 2007.

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  1. Ripx

    Ripx Well-Known Member

    yes, on top of my already compounding personal issues, i have sunken even further into hell on earth.

    i love poker, so much so that i can spend up to 8 straight hours at the casino, or on my computer playing. however poker isn't the problem.

    the last month has been hell, i have managed to gamble away 40 percent of my income over the next 5 months. All on something as STUPID as ONLINE blackjack and roulette.......ON FUCKING LINE!! for all i know that shit can be rigged, although i doubt that. it started off with a little bet on blackjack, after losing i chased my losses and eventually lost all the money i had won playing poker.

    the amount was 850 dollars, all winnings over a month gone in a flash. so i desperately took out 350 dollars, and instead of using poker to gain my money back, i wanted it to be a quick fix, but obviously lost it on roulette. so fast forward to today, after losing an additional 400 i decided to try again, so i took out 200. the worst part of it all that makes me feel like shit is that i was up 115 and was ready to quit, when i decided to give roulette a quick go "just 10 dollars" so i bet on the first 24 numbers, giving me a 67 percent chance to win, and what do you know, 6 numbers in a row between 25 and 36 come up, a 33 percent likely hood, six times in a row, very fishy. so now i lost it all when i could have been only 700 dollars in debt. instead I'm now something like 1200, and i only receive 500 a month from school. So i plan on paying 200 a month, and with my phone bill of 50, ill have to be miserably poor for the next 5 or 6 months living off of 250 dollars. by which time i will be done school, and no longer eligible for funding, and i will have no money saved up, where as i had planned to have at least 1000 saved up because i cant find a job do to my disability and social anxiety, not to mention low self esteem and bad depression.

    so yea, i contemplated suicide for a second, but i guess in the grand scheme of things a thousand dollars isn't that big of a deal right? well, sorta yes and sorta no. i have no one to turn to as my family would disown me, they are very good Muslims, and i would be a disgrace to them. my mom often asks me where all my money is, she thinks I'm spending it on drugs, i just want to tell her that it isn't drugs and its my gambling problem in the hopes that she would understand, but thats about as silly as hoping to make money with online gambling. i should also mention that in addition to this 1200 dollars i lost, i have also lost approx. 1500 over the last 7 months or so. so in 7 months i have lost 2700 dollars, and i have only had 2500, so I'm actually down over all. these past two months i haven't received any money because its summer and school is out obviously.

    so i have a meeting with the welfare people on Wednesday, hopefully i am approved money for July and don't have to wait for august, wish me luck.........


    sorry for the incoherent rant, i did this to myself.
  2. Ripx

    Ripx Well-Known Member

    I'm so desperate I'm going to go for a bike ride tonight at 3 am and see if i can find anything to steal so i can sell it. i know this is morally repulsive, but i just want this debt to go away fast. i don't believe that i will stop gambling, as soon as my credit is reloaded, i will surely start again. i have told myself several times that i would stop this month, but have gone back every time do to my desperate need for money, and unrelenting boredom, which is the essence of my existence. literally, if I'm not gambling, i have NOTHING to do but think, and think and think and fall deeper and deeper into depression. poker provided a release, but now that i blew all my money i wont be able to do what i enjoy for a couple of months, all because of those dumb novelty games like blackjack and roulette. in two months when i have reduced my debt to 600, i will be back on poker, and although i am skilled enough to win, its still gambling, and gambling with money i cant afford to lose. if I'm not doing that, i might as well be in prison because i don't have anything in this life that is a deterrent for me. life is a series of distractions until we die, and i don't have anything other than gambling to distract me.

    well thanks if Ive read this far, and i hope you have enjoyed reading about my misery.
  3. expressive_child

    expressive_child Well-Known Member

    Dear RipX,

    I hope you are able to get your welfare money. Look, I hope you can stop gambling immediately now. Gambling itself isn't a good thing and to get obsessed over it is hell. My neighbour hang himself because he end up borrowing hundreds of thousands from illegal moneylenders due to his gambling habit. He left his wife and two little kids behind. Gambling kills!

    Also, my grandad was a millionaire but then he died of lung cancer at 45 years old so I never get to see him. So my uncle inherit his wealth and guess what..? All of his fortunes are gone for the same reason - gambling! In just five years all my grandad's hard earned money is gone just like that. Mostly due to gambling and some for other reasons.

    What kind of disability do you have? I am sure there must be at least something you can do to earn money? Look, I am telling you, it seriously will get somone killed ok? If its not for my uncles wasting those money, my dad would have been a rich man today. He was only 15 when my uncles inherit those wealth. So he has no share due to his age.

    Please. Stop thinking about poker or whatever. I did gamble once or twice in my life just to find out how addictive it is and I can tell you, if I didn't tell myself to stop that time, I would be dead by now. I realize it is a trap, once you start there is no end.

    When I win a little money, I tell myself I want more and so happens I lost more money and since I lost I wanted to win and so this goes on and on and on and in the end, I still lose money! Thats when I know why people get into this and couldn't get out and I swear never to try this again.

    I am sure you have other hobbies alright? Please stop asap. I know its easy for me to say it but its like drugs you know? You don't stop now, you won't ever stop again. I can tell you in detail about how gambling has caused my grandad's fortune gone and if he is still alive he would've killed my uncles! Take care friend and once again, stop playing poker for Christ sake!
  4. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Dear Ripx,please allow me to share something with you about gambling please first of all just accept that you're no loser and try not to blame yourself for what's already lost.I know this won't be easy but please try,next of all I used to gamble year's ago I can recall even when i won the money would go straight back into the slot machine regardless of what I was up.

    I was never a heavy gambler but I compulsively played,probably it was to sought of make me feel relaxed I guess.I then stopped for a period then started again where I'd play every night pretty much not huge amount's,I mean $20 would last me over an hour so it was pretty much to laze about and think.

    the fact was that even though I used to play small amounts i would tally up in my head how much I was down for the year and it came to over $1,000,I guess it bothered me pretty much and I felt stupid and sucked in by these money hungry machines.But I only had myself to blame,eventually I stopped playing from sheer boredom not because of the money really but I guess it was a blessing in disguise.

    Recently I played the lottery two ticket's for $20 almost,and typically as it goes I got nothing and I cursed over in my head why did I play?I have this bad problem overanalyzing due to my Ocd,please try to understand I've heard many severe stories of people's losses to gambling and extremely large amounts.

    I still see people playing the horses,slot's daily but i don't play anymore these are people who have lost that much money.basically I'm trying to say although you've lost a bit,try not to kick yourself down you can pick up from this believe me.
  5. Ripx

    Ripx Well-Known Member

    if only life weren't so boring and empty, i wouldn't need to gamble.

    BTW poker isn't the problem at all. i am a very good player, just not disciplined i guess.
  6. expressive_child

    expressive_child Well-Known Member

    Why do you consider life boring? What do you do now? I mean, there are easily many things you can do besides gambling. You don't want to end up in a debt you can never pay back in a situation where you are forced to commit a crime. The fact that you almost wanna steal something tells me you are in a dire state now and if you go deeper into it, you will never get out of it. You are gonna be stucked in that hole for the rest of your life. Please...tell me something you like to do in life..?

    A simple hobby or anything just nothing associated with gambling..? My uncle bet on horse racing for 20 years and still remain a poor man! It doesn't help. You say those games are dumb and gambling is pathetic so why are you doing this..? Look, maybe you can keep your mind occupied with something else like a hobby or take up a part time job in a store or anything. Its much better than trying to make easy money this way. I think its probably more like a habit to you but you must stop, because if you don't it will be too late.

    Those machines and stuff are like drugs and very very few people can actually control themselve when they play it coz its addictive. Its really not worth for your life to be ruined by one thing like that. You deserve so much more so don't let this habit control your life....
  7. corral

    corral Guest

    hi i know poker is an addiction and when you lose you just cant stop playing cause you want to make up, and the same day, and even though that day you have all possible bad luck you keep playing until you have zero.

    as about money, i know how it feels. i lost over a thousand dollars on something so stupid im ashamed to tell. basically gave it away for nothing at all. and now im in depts and struggling cause after losing that money i had to take loans from a bank so now paying more back, cause gave the money away that i had to pay for important thing so still have to pay for the important thing now so double lost money and need to struggle every month.. so stupid.. i guess thats how we learn...
    Last edited: Jul 10, 2007
  8. justsomeguy

    justsomeguy Active Member

    If I were you I certainly wouldn't make matters worse by stealing stuff to come up with the money. I mean, if you get caught that'll only make things worse.

    I was in a similar situation as you when I was young. I spent too much of my student loan on partying and tried to hide it as best I could. Looking back, I wish I would've just come clean with my parents and told them that I was ready to be out on my own and asked them to help me keep things in control.
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