My pathetic life story...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by mlxjaded, Apr 20, 2009.

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  1. mlxjaded

    mlxjaded Well-Known Member

    I was born July 21, 1993 in a town about 45 minutes away from NYC.
    Childhood is supposed to be a time of laughter and joy and memory.
    I have no pleasant memory. Only the bad. My abusive father who had always cared more for my older brother and sister. Food was my answer. I ate and ate. I ate my feelings away. Now, a 15 year old young adult, weighing well over 300lbs, is ruined. My life is ruined. I'm a border-line diabetic, a "mommas boy", and a disgusting human.

    I am polite. Quiet, but always on my best behavior. These rules I learned the hard way with smacks and the infamous belt.

    I've always been a good student and a hard worker. I hate when people are upset with me.

    I tried to cut my wrists. I chickened out. All I got was a little cut- just past the skin.

    I don't know what else to say. I don't want to be alive anymore.
    Life is moving too fast and I am falling behind.

    My name is Mike, btw.
     
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Hey Mike, welcome to the site!!

    Your life isn't ruined. I know it might feel like it now, but you still have the chance to do so much with your life.

    Do you have anyone close to you that you can talk to about what's going on? Have you ever had any professional help?
     
  3. mlxjaded

    mlxjaded Well-Known Member

    Hello.

    I've been to two therapists and a psychologist. Not for my depression/whatever you wanna call it. But because I was suffering from headaches which caused me to miss like 2 months of school.

    I've never told anyone about my sadness but people suspect things from the type of music I listen to.
     
  4. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    I can somewhat relate.

    I'm only and a few months older than you, and also have suicidal thoughts.

    The first step is to tell someone like a doctor or trusted adult. You're young still, and have your whole life ahead of you.
     
  5. mlxjaded

    mlxjaded Well-Known Member

    I'm too exhausted for life! It's too long. I just wish I could pause time and take a break for a while. Like I said before...Life is moving by too fast and i am falling behind.
     
  6. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    I definately relate to that. I'm staring to literally fall behind in schoolwork, having girl problems, etc.

    And it seems like all my friends are doing everything perfectly.

    But sometimes you just have to try and keep on chugging.

    And you should really try to get some help as in therapy. It can work wonders.
     
  7. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    no breaks in life I wish! :hug:

    I know how you feel, I bet a lot of other people here do too.

    welcome to the forum btw :heart:
     
  8. mlxjaded

    mlxjaded Well-Known Member

    Thanks everyone!

    Therapy is really not for me though!
    It makes me feel different. Like I need to be looked over upon.
    Ugh, makes me feel sick thinking about it.


    But don't worry too much about me. I would never actually commit suicide. I am all talk. I'm too afraid of what is going to happen after life.
     
  9. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    Different? Like crazy? I wouldn't worry about it.

    Just going to therapy wouldn't make it so you need to be watched over.

    Due to certain disorders that run in my family I have to have an eye kept on me incase my meds trigger a manic episode.

    And to be honest, it's not like they literally have someone watching me all the time. I'm rather normal in most regards.

    So, you wouldn't likely be treated any differently or even see as different. I'm not and they actually DO watch me! :laugh:
     
  10. Numpty

    Numpty Member

    Sorry to seem like a bit of antagonist but I think the best means of bettering yourself is to get on a treadmill and start running. Perhaps a young military program or something of the sort will kick you into shape.
     
  11. noPoint

    noPoint Well-Known Member

    well im 21 about to be 22 and my life hasnt been 'great' either...

    maybe you and your mom could get a pass to a gym and they will work with you to lose your wieght...its possible to lose that weight....

    then while you lose that wieght, you can deal with other problems...

    sadly everything takes alot of time...good luck mayne...
     
  12. TotallyLost

    TotallyLost Member

    I know how u feel about the doctors .... Been there
    Im not sure of the answer, Im just hopin it will come 2 us x
     
  13. TotallyLost

    TotallyLost Member

    I understand u totally, Well I know life can be shit But plz dont give up on it, I know How u feel Like everydays a nightmare I dunno how 2 help you Im the same but people can ... I should listen to my own advise huh ! Take care Ya only young, Things change x
     
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