My personal emotional downward spiral...

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Ordep, Aug 9, 2010.

  1. Ordep

    Ordep Well-Known Member

    Some 10 month ago I was at rock bottom, nothing to keep me going, nothing to look up to... and then I met a girl, here in SF, of all places, she lives far away from here but all it took was one conversation and I was smitten by how much I liked her. We became instant best friends and after a while it became clear that we both loved eachother, and we started a long distance relationship... I know people distrust those, but quite frankly, I've had conventional relationships, and this one made me much happier than anything I expirienced... I love her that much..

    I was having the time of my life, I was happy and optimistic for a change, sure there were problems, both mine and hers, but we were there for eachother, we made plans to meet for the first time around this month and I was sure we could keep this up until we could settle togheter... even started learning the language of her country, just in case we decided it would be best for me to go live with her...

    And then she told me it wasnt working for her, that we should see other people, happier people, to balance the fact that we both have issues... it crushed me right there, first because I really tought I was doing good in helping her feel better about her issues, and I was overall happy... and second because the woman of my life was breaking up with me...

    But looking at the bright side, we didnt lose our friendship, we kept talking and having fun togheter all the time, I even had hope that maybe in time she might return to me... until one day she met this guy... out of the sudden she barely has time to talk to me and I just end up sticking around the computer all day, hoping she might come online, even for a little while... well it's not like I'd have anything better to do anyway... but the dissapointment I would get day after day hurt really bad...

    And then I asked her if she was dating that guy, and sure enough the answer was yes... I felt myself hitting rock bottom again.. that felt like to much to take for me... still feels like that...and from there only got worse... she cancelled our meetup because her bf didnt like the idea and she now spends even less time on me, and spends every moment with him, its really making me feel like an old toy... replaced and abandoned... we're still best friends... but we get to talk so very little...

    And now her bf is going to Australia to live there on next month, and wants to take her with him. He's trying to convince her and while she doesnt know what to do yet, she's considering it... Australia is simply too far away from me... if she goes it's the end of anything thats special and good about our friendship since it'll be months until we get to talk, given the huge time difference... Its an awfull situation because I want her to be happy, and I know she'll be if she goes, but on the other hand I want to keep her close... she's my only friend... I cant think about anything else, the decision she'll take... I dont think I can take it if she goes away for good...

    So here I am, alone again, heart broken like times before, I dont know if I can take it if she goes away for good... so many people have done that to me in the past, but I feel that if she, the person I care about the most in this whole world, goes away, I wont be abe to take anymore....

    Sorry for my wild ramblings... its late and I cant sleep... despite being tired...
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    how hard for you i hope your friend takes care in that she will be going to a strange land all alone and will need a friend like you to help her cope lets hope all goes well for all of you if she does leave time for you my friend to move on and find another person who can be your soul mate okay someone who truly will be able to give their all to you and you to them if she is a friend she will keep in touch with you on internet stay strong okay
  3. Ordep

    Ordep Well-Known Member

    If she goes, she's going with her boyfriend, not alone... makes me feel like an abandoned... we used to talk all the time and now we barely do...
  4. mcviking

    mcviking Well-Known Member

    Sorryfriend but she is a loss cause. The sooner your realize it the better you will be. Don't lose hope, there are literaly millions of women in the world. Distance is a big deal in keeping any relationship alive, even just friends. I would know I moved half way across the world. I am sorry if I sound harsh, but accept what happened, grieve her, and move on. You can do it, there is no reason to hate yourself over a woman.
  5. Black Beauty

    Black Beauty Well-Known Member

    Dude, if you're letting her know that you feel this way then you're screwed (and not in the good way). Women are psychologically different to men - they are attracted to guys who are dominant and not submissive. No matter what your views on that are, it's just a fact that you're going to have to accept if you want to be the one who gets to sleep with her. Chances are the guy she is with now doesn't talk to her about his problems and acts like a dominant male. What you have effectively done by being 'emotional' with her is make her feel like you're another one of her 'girlfriends' and so she doesn't want you to be more than that, she wants a 'man' who she can ****. Have a read of this:

    Look, you need to STOP acting like a nice
    friend guy Wuss IMMEDIATELY if you want this to
    turn into something.
    You're probably beyond help with this
    particular woman, but I'm going to give you a few
    ideas JUST IN CASE...
    1) Stop calling her all the time (if you do),
    and stop spending so much time with her.
    2) Start dating other women IMMEDIATELY, and
    make sure she knows about it.
    3) Stop being all lovey with her, and don't
    tell her how you "feel about her" anymore. Stop it.
    4) Accept that you will probably be friends
    with her forever, and start acting that way.
    5) Don't try to kiss her or be physical with
    her at ALL anymore until you understand what you're
    Remember, what you're doing ISN'T WORKING.
    If you do these things that I've described, you
    will probably have the best chance of turning this

    Read David DeAngelo - go to and start changing yourself if you want any chance of having sex, otherwise you'll be alone forever.