My personal hell.. *Trigger???*

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by G.M., Nov 7, 2013.

  1. G.M.

    G.M. Banned Member

    mod edit. jimk original poster wanted this post deleted because they had put a lot of personal info and story which decided they did not want to be in print now..
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 20, 2013
  2. torn23

    torn23 Member

    Hi GM

    I came here to read your story and as soon as I returned to chat, you were gone....

    I hope you are staying safe right now. And I want to say that what you wrote is very impressive. You have looked hard into yourself, into your pain and that actually shows incredible strength. That might not help a lot at the moment because it is not changing your external circumstance. But you should know that you are showing here a great ability to make internal changes since it always takes being able to notice and describe - first - what is going on inside.

    You have rage, both suicidal and homicidal, and you are noticing this, but you are distancing yourself from acting on impulses that would harm you or anyone else. That right there is huge and you are commended. Plus I am so happy to hear that - even though the help you have sought is not working yet - you have turned to many different places to seek it. You are doing a tremendous job of taking steps toward easing your inner turmoil.

    I wish you were still on chat. I would really like to know what you are studying at school.

    It seems like what you are studying may offer you a great motivation since you have already noted that you do not want to mess up your chances to work in that field. It must be a field that you have a lost of passion for.

    What you are describing is a feeling that everything is wrong for you. I see that and understand that. I am also noticing a lot of things that are right, even if it may not feel like that right now. I wish I could get to know you better.

    I hope to see you on chat sometime soon. And you an always write to me here too.

    Your friend,

  3. G.M.

    G.M. Banned Member

    Thanks for your reply. I'm studying electronic engineering, but it's hard. It's very technical and I suck at math. School has always been hard for me and most of the time I've failed. I have an attention deficit disorder aswell, so that dosen't help either.

    I'm unsure if this is the right sub forum. Should it be in the depression forum instead?
  4. DarkLordVader

    DarkLordVader Well-Known Member

    i understand the pain you feel after losing someone you love, at least she is still with us. i lost my kids mother to suicide and that haunted me for almost the last 4 years, her suicide anniversary is on feburary 5th of this upcoming year. i also lost my kids because i was so weak i couldnt stay sober and they have been gone the same amount of time, so i am all alone in this shitty world. we as survivors must find something, anything... a small ray of hope to just get us through until the next one shines on us. we all live in a darkness, some more darker than others, and mine was very very dark. one day i had a very eye opening experience and it helped change me a little, i quit using drugs and alcohol for 3 months and even lost 30lbs... those 3 months i was sober might not have been the happiest moments in my life, BUT... they certainly opened my eyes to see what the world is like without the haze of drugs and alcohol. i understand your relationship failed, its not your fault, you have issues and are trying to deal with the best way you can. the one thing that i have always been told is, we can listen to advice, we can hear advice, read it too... BUT.... if we dont put any of that into action, we will never get better. just keep this in mind... i am 41 and i am all alone, my looks have faded something bad... i most likely will never date again, unless i pay for it. you are young, and have so much time to get out of your funk and start living life. i dont have all the answers, if i did, i would be a millionaire... all i can do is show you support here from time to time, understand your pain and help you through it. if at all try just doing something good for yourself on one rainy day... old cliche but its true... do something fun, what you would call fun, not what everyone else calls fun. maybe, just maybe that one moment will help you see that this shitty life isnt so shitty?