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My phobia is killing me.

#1
It’s becoming way too much to handle. The way my emetophobia (AKA fear of vomit) works is I’m almost always stressed out about the possibility of me throwing up. sometimes I’ll get anxiety attacks but that’s it. It’s not debilitating, but it takes so much of my energy. At least 90% of every day is spent thinking about the possibility of me throwing up.

I can’t enjoy anything anymore. I want to seriously die. Not suicidal per se but if I got hit by a truck I wouldn’t care too much. I can’t do anything without thinking “oh this means you gonna puke” or “this happened the last time you were sick so it’s gonna happen now”. Literally almost everything stresses me out. I can’t fucking escape. Even in my own home. I live with a bunch of other fucking people and just one of them getting sick could be the end for me.

School stresses me out the most. I am so beyond terrified that one day I’ll vomit in the middle of class. I’ve heard way too many stories about people feeling nauseous out of nowhere and then getting sick almost instantly. The idea of that is so surreally terrifying to me. At any time, it could happen. With the snap of a finger, my biggest nightmare could come true. Or other people can get sick which means I could get a virus from them.

All I want is to escape to my own dimension. Where I don’t have to worry about every little thing. Where I can eat what I want without worrying. Where I can just live. But this world feels so fucking suffocating. I want out.

My life is a snowball racing down a mountain. The snowball keeps going faster and faster and whatever it rolls over sticks to it. I want the snowball to stop so fucking bad. Just for a second. Please for the love of god give me time to breathe.

Every fucking day I am stressed. Every fucking day I am tired. Every fucking day I am nauseous. When does it end? Does it ever end?

the worst part is I can’t escape from this fear. Let’s say you’re afraid of heights. You can just stay away from them. But I can’t not eventually throw up. It will happen at one point or another, and the uncertainty is the worst part. I don’t know when it will happen but all I know is that it will.
 

sinking_ship

woman overboard
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#2
I'm sorry, that sounds like an awful fear to be dealing with.
Are you in therapy to work on that?
I wish I knew something to say that could help *hug
 

EmB

Absolute Peach!
#3
Hi there! Sorry to hear about your phobia. Is the phobia YOU vomiting, or is it vomit in general? Either way, it really sounds like it's taking over your life.

As @sinking_ship says, therapy is always a good option. They're good at helping you manage that fear and anxiety. I recently had fear so bad I wouldn't leave the house, but they helped with that. I'm still incredibly anxious but that fear isn't paralysing me anymore, and I hope in time the anxiety will go too. So therapy is a great option.

We are always here for you :)

Sending hugs
 
#4
That sounds awful. Sorry that you're going through this.

I could try to offer suggestions about what to do if you'd like.

I hope things can get better soon.
 

Dark111

SF Supporter
#5
It’s becoming way too much to handle. The way my emetophobia (AKA fear of vomit) works is I’m almost always stressed out about the possibility of me throwing up. sometimes I’ll get anxiety attacks but that’s it. It’s not debilitating, but it takes so much of my energy. At least 90% of every day is spent thinking about the possibility of me throwing up.

I can’t enjoy anything anymore. I want to seriously die. Not suicidal per se but if I got hit by a truck I wouldn’t care too much. I can’t do anything without thinking “oh this means you gonna puke” or “this happened the last time you were sick so it’s gonna happen now”. Literally almost everything stresses me out. I can’t fucking escape. Even in my own home. I live with a bunch of other fucking people and just one of them getting sick could be the end for me.

School stresses me out the most. I am so beyond terrified that one day I’ll vomit in the middle of class. I’ve heard way too many stories about people feeling nauseous out of nowhere and then getting sick almost instantly. The idea of that is so surreally terrifying to me. At any time, it could happen. With the snap of a finger, my biggest nightmare could come true. Or other people can get sick which means I could get a virus from them.

All I want is to escape to my own dimension. Where I don’t have to worry about every little thing. Where I can eat what I want without worrying. Where I can just live. But this world feels so fucking suffocating. I want out.

My life is a snowball racing down a mountain. The snowball keeps going faster and faster and whatever it rolls over sticks to it. I want the snowball to stop so fucking bad. Just for a second. Please for the love of god give me time to breathe.

Every fucking day I am stressed. Every fucking day I am tired. Every fucking day I am nauseous. When does it end? Does it ever end?

the worst part is I can’t escape from this fear. Let’s say you’re afraid of heights. You can just stay away from them. But I can’t not eventually throw up. It will happen at one point or another, and the uncertainty is the worst part. I don’t know when it will happen but all I know is that it will.
Have you tried some desensitization therapy on yourself? It takes a lot of courage of course, phobias of any kind can be paralyzing. Try sticking your fingers down your throat to induce a gag reflex. You can start by doing it even once a day for a week or two. And then after a couple of weeks stick your fingers down further so you actually vomit. You can time it in whatever way you're comfortable with, I'm just throwing out ball park numbers there. Baby steps are always the key with phobias. But that would be my solution focused approach.
 
#6
Hello,
It sounds like your phobia has elements of obsession (the O in OCD). Have you tried seeking therapy or getting medication?

Try imagining the worst thing that could happen after you vomit. Then imagine the best thing that could happen after you vomit. The truth is likely in between, but if you realize that the worst case scenario is extremely unlikely to happen, and what is likely to happen will not be so bad, you could at least put yourself on the road to improvement. I know this could be difficult, but there is an upside to all the apathy in this world in so far as people are unlikely to remember or care in the long run, and the negative reactions you imagine are unlikely to come.

I hope you get at least some improvement.
 
#7
Hi, I can definitely relate. Vomiting is something that terrified me for a long time. I was afraid to go anywhere because the possibility of doing it in public weighed heavily on my mind. What if I couldn't find a bathroom in time? What if I couldn't slip away without drawing attention? I think just the thought of it would increase my anxiety, which would make me nauseous, which would make me more anxious... a vicious cycle. I told people about my fear and I don't think anyone really understood. "Well, nobody likes to vomit" they'd say. They couldn't grasp that it was a debilitating fear. Learning to relax in public places helped a lot. Therapy and medication is something to consider.

I assume the act of vomiting scares you even if you're alone? It does me. Do you remember the last time you actually did it? Did you find it really wasn't as bad as you feared? I went many years without vomiting and wondered if I was so scared because I couldn't remember was it was like. I still get nervous any time I'm nauseous, but after some particularly violent vomiting I think it's the nausea that's scarier than the act itself. The best advice I can give is to take deep breaths, tell yourself everything will be fine if you remain calm, and if you do have to vomit due to illness it can actually be a good thing. Imagine how much better you'll feel after getting that stuff out of your body. Also, please don't be afraid to talk to a therapist about it.
 

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