Well since no one loves me in this world or really wants to be a part of my life. I have a great deal of alone time. So I lie around thinking about my existence. And what do I think about... but many things. The first, plotting the best suicide. Now people wonder, "What do you mean by that?" Well what I mean is plotting the most emotionally devestating suicide. My current date is my College graduation. A time of great joy and happiness for all right? I mean for my mom I am her first child to graduate for my dad I am the only person in his family who is worth something. So what a better time to die than then? The high of happiness will be killed of by the sadness and ruin someones life... that is a good thing yes? The other thing I think about that pretains to suicide would be, what would qualify as an instant void of my life? So I lied around and thought about many things. The first that I thought of pretained to my treasure in my life, Mickey-kun. He is a stuffed Mickey Mouse doll that I have had since I was born. I still sleep with him every night. He has been my only friend the one thing I could trust and love... well I think I love him anyway. I figured that if he was ever lost too me I would just kill myself. Because what would be the point of existing without him? Well I did lose him... but I wussed out on the attempting to kill myself because I suck at existance. But lucky for me he was returned to me. The other thing pretains to swapping bodily fluids. I figured if I engaged in that activity, whether it be kissing or intercourse, I just might as well die too. Because of all the things I have been agains in my existance that was the main one. It is a vile disgusting process. And for me to engage in it would make me a hipocrite. I hate hipocrites so why live when I hate myself? So this is the pinical of my worthless existence. Since I have no one who wants to be a part of my life I lie around plotting my life. I am just a worthless person no? Instead of living life I plot it. I decide what will happen how things will happen..... and I keep plotting plotting plotting plotting. I am never content I want to make sure I have EVERY angle covered. So I sit around and think about all scenarios... everything I can possibly think of and I plan for it using logic to overcome them..... and then I lie in wait and bitch about how horrible my life is... I am such a fantastic person.... NOT!! But it is not like the world has not shown me my pointless existance. I mean I am worthless in every fiber of my being and the world agrees. I mean if I was worth anything to anyone people would not have to force interest in me. Now what do I mean by FORCE intrest? Well simple I mean they are forced to be around me and communicate with me to be a part of my life to do something. And that is it, if I was less worthless people would take an interest in me on their own accord. I would have people who find me interesting and want to be a part of my life. But do they NOOOOO.... if I am ever to get anyone in my life I have to show the interest I have to be the one who says hi I HAVE TO BE THE PERSON WHO DOES FUCKING EVERYTHING!!! And I don't want to because in the end it could be all for nothing.