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My post.

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Heretekdan, Dec 26, 2011.

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  1. Heretekdan

    Heretekdan Member

    Hello dear forum. My name is Dan.

    I am 22 years old, medically discharged from the military (not at all in any good way, though! Entry level separation due to prolonged panic attacks and health issues that I did not inform my recruiter about.), never held a job in my life and I can't help but feel as though my world is caving in because I'm shut up in my little room all day without any way to leave it, physically, sure, I could leave it. I could leave it and walk down the street, but mentally I'm stuck here in front of my computer forever.

    I feel fear and I feel shame, I can't find a job because I cannot even leave my room half the time. My sleeping habits are completely turned around and I haven't taken a shower in five days, I feel like a mess and sometimes I wonder if it would be better if I ended it all, I think everybody thinks that at one time or another, but I've literally done nothing with my life other than sit on my butt playing video games, learning how to play the bass and guitar (without being in a band or doing anything with that knowledge) while taking medication for depression and panic disorders during my entire teenage years 'till my insurance ran out.

    I tried to get into college, but I lacked the disipline to even make it through a semester. Homework? Nope. Not doing it, I'm heading out to the bar or to go see a show with friends to make my life a little less alone. A job? I've got no work experience. I can't even get into a fast food place to flip burgers because they don't even look at my application. I've got no experience, I've got no references that aren't either family or close friends who have absolutely nothing to do with the job I'm applying for.

    I don't know what to do. I feel trapped, I feel afraid. I don't want to hurt myself, but I am getting to the point that a mixture of fear and feelings of worthlessness are starting to wear on me. I feel worthless because I've never done any of the things that are normal for somebody in his late-teens early-twenties does. I don't have a car, I'm still living with my grandparents, no job, no nothing.

    I feel worthless and afraid and I don't know how the hell I can deal with it, and every day feels closer to me doing something that I know I'd regret.
  2. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    hi dan, welcome to SF's... ok things are not very good atm.. if you are really mentally ill and disabled then social security has what is called SSI that you might qulaify for.. supplemental security income.. also might check with the state programs to see if any medical care available thru them.. crisis line numbers may also help you some get some programs and help to start with for you..

    as far as being rooted to your chair in front of you puter... you got lots of company here with the same affliction.. hopefully they will talk to you here in forums and chatrooms.. it is a case of having to make the first step sometimes.. get up and walk around the block is good.. first step is a real bitch i know all too well.. just take it anyway..

    try to not up now and try to find some help.. best wishes always. Jim
  3. Mr Stewart

    Mr Stewart Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the forum, Dan. :)
  4. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Dear Dan,

    Welcome to the forums, and I hope being here gives you a boost when you need it... especially now when you feel like life is dragging you down. Like Jim suggested above, looking into applying for disability - if you haven't already - sounds like something you might be interested in. :]

  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Welcome to the forums. I can well relate to your situation.. I have been locked away in my room for 14 years.. I never go anywhere except my doctor appointments and to pick up my perscriptions..I was in therapy for five years.. But nothing changed so I dropped it..I am on seven different kinds of meds for the different symptoms..I just can't be around people because I have nothing to say and feel like they are judgeing me..I hope you seek out help because this is no way to live.. Apply for disability.. More than likely they will turn you down,So then you get a lawyer who specialises in thgese kind of cases and they won't charge you anything until you win..
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