My Problem with God

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Moses, Oct 10, 2011.

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  1. Moses

    Moses Well-Known Member

    I was raised Christian, but I never really believed in God. Recently, however, I've been thinking about it, and I thought,"there could be a God. And if I have a better relationship with him, I'll have a better life." So I started talking to God every now and then; praying for my brother's safety, praying for my mother's happiness, etc... One night, I was just ready to die. I didn't even care. I was totally at peace with the idea of not being part of this world. So, I wrote some parting words and left the note next to my bed. Then I asked, "God, please, if you do exist, let me die in my sleep tonight." I went to sleep and the next morning, I woke up. I was a little disappointed. It was then that I realized that one of two things was true:
    1. There is no God
    2. God is an asshole, to let someone suffer to the point that they want to die and then not even give them the gift of death.

    What kind of a twisted megalomaniac won't even let me die? The ONE time I'm selfish with God and he won't do me one goddamn favor. He's really not reliable for anything we ask for, is he?
     
  2. crist

    crist Member

    I understand what your point is. It is sad what we are asking, if there really is a God, why he let us suffer; he let innocent babies, people and such, die, everyday, everyhour.
    Althought I can't help much, because i'm not the ''christian'' one who goes to church and this and that, I think there might be a Superior being, not that he would do any ''favor'' or any bad, but who created this Universe.

    I'm taking life as a constant karma, of good and bad things that may happen. Some people are ''good'' and not really end up having a good life because of it. I really can't tell.
    I don't believe like in God itself.
    I believe in living life, and trying to do what i think is right and what might satisfies me.
     
  3. Moses

    Moses Well-Known Member

    I just felt like it was such a rip off, because after years of denying God's existence, i finally open myself to the idea and then i just get a big "F U"
    I felt kind of foolish for putting so much trust in God.

    Even more recent than my trying to bargain with God, I evaluated my beliefs and found that, like you, I believe in some force, energy or being beyond our comprehension that set life in motion. What I can never find, however, is any sort of consistent belief for how I or anyone else should live.
     
  4. crist

    crist Member

    This ^..
    I too, thought about God existence many years. I can't really tell when did I stop believing in ''it''.

    I get your point.
     
  5. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    I can relate because I am very torn on my feelings and relationship with God. I feel like if my purpose in life is to constantly feel hurt and rejected, then why not just let me die. I have sat and cried for God to help me find some hope but I'm not sure it really ever comes.

    I'm really sorry about how you feel, and I hope maybe something comes along soon to give you a sense of hope, even if it isn't from God.
     
  6. Sleepwalk

    Sleepwalk Well-Known Member

    I was raised Catholic and for years would beg "God" to take me in my sleep, then would be incensed with "God" the next morning. I remember the exact moment I lost my faith in "God" and what a relief it was. I could literally feel a weight lift off my shoulders.
     
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