My Problem With This Forum

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Kouy, Mar 24, 2008.

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  1. Kouy

    Kouy New Member

    I understand that it is a very admirable thing you are trying to do to prevent people from committing suicide but after reading over a number of the posts here it seems like anyone could write a 10 page essay about their problems and they could get the same kind of generic cookie cutter responses over and over which discourages me more then encourages because it makes me feel almost like this forum is just full of a bunch of people who come to post some quick statements to make them feel better about themselves that they helped out someone else when in reality wouldn't raise a finger in real life to take any kind of steps to help. Now I really don't mean to come off as a cynical dick but I just can't get behind the idea. I don't know what exactly it is that I want/need, but I just don't know about anything anymore.
     
  2. Patch

    Patch Well-Known Member

    the people that have come to this forum come because they have thoughts of suicide, hurt themselves, and/or are very depressed. I very much doubt that their are people who troll suicide forums copying and pasting the same response so they can pat themselves on the back. I find it extremely unfair of you to question people's motives.
     
  3. carol2237

    carol2237 Guest

    Kouy,

    Many people in this forum have become very good friends, and i know it seems like the same responses over and over, but the ones that really come from the heart are usually done through PM. This means you do not see them, however the people in the position does. I know for a fact there are people here willing to do whatever it takes to help others. *huggles*

    Caroline
     
  4. Kouy

    Kouy New Member

    I understand and that's not what I meant, I'm not feelin' so great off myself I'm jut saying that no matter what the problem the responses can always be in the same vane of "I'm sorry about your problems it sounds like you've been through a lot but you just need to cheer up and do your best to work your way through it." Although encouraging this solves no real problems and I am just wondering honestly how many people on this forum have ever gone out and actually went to any kind of suicide ward and tried to help people actively in their community? I don't mean to be rude or insult any of the people here who honestly have good intentions, it's just it doesn't really do it for me.
     
  5. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    everything we need to heal we already have within

    sometimes we just need someone to remind us of what we already know: we are not alone, we can get better, we won't always feel this way, that it's okay to ask for help

    sure these are simple messages, but when you are in the depths of despair it's hard to remember them

    i - for one - appreciate everybody who has taken the time to respond to my posts asking for help. i truly believe if it wasn't for the responses from folks here i wouldnt' be writing this tonight,

    catherine
     
  6. carol2237

    carol2237 Guest

    Kouy,

    Feel free to PM me if you need to talk ok?

    Caroline
     
  7. smackh2o

    smackh2o SF Supporter

    Why don't you go to therapy? The people on this site are mostly untrained in talking to people who are suicidal. All they have is empathy of the situation. I came here a few years ago and i've been gradually getting out of depression so much so that i've been talking to someone at the place I work and am thinking about doing a counselling course. This site has definitly turned me around but it wasn't a definite thing at all.
    It was like Carol said. I became friends and those freinds are the ones that helped me. I eventually mixed this place with therapy and it is working well for me. On it's own though it is touch and go IMO.
     
  8. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i beg to differ - just knowing i'm not alone really really helps.

    i have professionals (and yes, actually at the psych hospital) to work on the heavy stuff... psych, meds, doctor, nurses, therapist and art therapy. i don't see many volunteers there and to be quite honest, there are some things that are best left to professionals.

    sometimes i just want to hear from my peers - people who have suffered and healed- that it's gonna be okay. that's enough.

    c.
     
  9. Kouy

    Kouy New Member

    Okay, I have been through counseling but herein lies my real problem, being under 18 their only solution is to take me out of my home and put me in a foster home, I honestly don't want to have to leave everything now, I just want help, and I understand by child protective laws they have to report anything they find suspicious to the police but God damnit, all that forces me to do is lie my way through each and every counseling session saying everything is perfect until I can get out of counseling. Blegh, like I said I honestly don't know what it is I want, I just want things to work out and feel pretty helpless overall I guess.
     
  10. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    can i ask what country you live in?

    you might be able to get a youth advocate who can help negotiate on your behalf, basically, they present your case in things like court hearings, meetings with family services and such.

    if you have to lie during counselling then it's most def. not going to do you any good. in fact, it's probably harming your emotional and psych well-being.

    if you are being harmed, yes, they must report to the social services. but they don't automatically swoop in and remove you from the home, if that's what you are worried about. different situations get different responses... that's where the advocate comes in... presents your wishes on the situation to the court

    c.
     
  11. Kouy

    Kouy New Member

    I live in the United States, and my counselor actually did want to call CPS and have me removed from my home but I had to downplay the situation quicker and from that point on couldn't be honest about the situation.
     
  12. Axiom

    Axiom Account Closed

    you're gonna get both sides here.. it's just.. the way it is. some people here have incorporated this forum into their lives, they express their lives here. every situation and person is unique, and that means alot of different situations, and some people get help, some don't, and some get burned. and some people feel the need to post to peoples time of opening up and, to be honest know the amount of energy that comes with responding to someone.

    we all know that if you respond to someones pain, you're attempting to connect with someone on a different level. and that's more than a single post. those people who have it in their head they can define and sum up the pain someones going through in a single post and bounce them back are usually liveing their own denial of life. Most people, don't want to help further than a few posts, yet feel the odd need to post anyhow?. . sometimes a problem can be, that someones experiencd a form of depression, and runs of the dillusion they've got a understanding on it, on a whole scale. others are afraid or dont know what to do, but see pain and want to do something about it.
    theres an endless bunch of reasons, those are just some i can conjure up in my head.

    you gotta live with it, cause, its an individual problem.

    such a piss off though that when you open a painful area you get the very distasteful product you dont want in you sent back at you.
     
  13. Abacus21

    Abacus21 Staff Alumni

    Hi there, first off - welcome!
    I know what you mean at times, it does irritate me, and others, about the 'typical' response of 'You can get through this' etc, when you yourself feel like it cannot get better. That said, while there are some responses like that, it could be argued that all it takes is a hug, or an 'I care' for people to know that their post has been read and digested in someone's mind, but maybe they haven't got the right words right now, or aren't in the best place to answer - don't forget that each member here has each got problems of their own too, even the staff members..
    That said, it can be hard to guage exactly what a member wants: sometimes they may want an informative answer as to what they could do, or sometimes all they need is a little pick-me-up, in which case a hug or somesuch could be useful. It can be hard to judge at times. Even though there are some simple responses around, and some are long essays in comparison - they're all valuable I think, they're all showing a person that they're important enough to get a response, even if it isn't the one they were looking for.

    As I said above, it can often be hard to find the right words, and even if you think you have, what sounds right and good for you, may not be for the person who you are responding to.. It also depends on what sections of the forum you've been looking at, but certain sections such as Let It All Out will have probably shorter responses, than the section Depression section, which may well have longer answers, because they serve two different functions: the LIAO to simply vent about your problems, while the Depression section is perhaps going a little deeper in the answers it requires, possibly.

    Me, personally, I joined here feeling suicidal over two and a half years ago now, and while this forum has definitely helped me, I think it needs to be used in conjunction with something else, such as therapy or counselling, or just having another support network if possible, as it can be draining to be around people who are also feeling depressed / suicidal etc, as well as yourself.
    With regards to helping the community, I'm currently training to be a Samaritan. I know of people on here who are thinking of doing something like it, and as Pete (h2o) said, he's thinking of possibly starting training to be a counsellor :)

    Would it be a possibility to say simply how you feel truthfully, but say that you'd not want to be put in a foster home?
     
  14. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    kouy, only you know if the counsellor is right to want to call in child protective services.

    if you are being abused in some way i guess i feel your counsellor would be right to see about getting you out of the house... often they try and work with the whole family though, so they don't automatically yank you. i guess it depends on how serious it is, and only you know that.

    do you trust your counsellor? even though you don't want to leave could they be right?
    are you able to have a conversation with them about why you don't want to leave?

    cath.
     
  15. Lead Savior

    Lead Savior Well-Known Member


    Others often can't lift a finger or take major steps to help someone because of the whole distance/not being able to physically reach through the internet's tubes thing.

    When you come here you retain anonymity which allows many to express themselves when they otherwise could not. This comes with the price of receiving support that is limited to text, but to some words can be very powerful.

    Those things are actually part of the point of a forum.
     
  16. dreamer

    dreamer Well-Known Member

    I think the people who come here like to talk to other people in a similar situation. Its comforting to know that you are not alone.
     
  17. dreamer

    dreamer Well-Known Member

    Its important to realise that this is not a professional outfit. The people who give 'advice' or support here are not trained to do so. The people that come here have problems themselves. Its not easy for them to go join an external support group as depressed people are generally inhibited folk. Also its very easy for anybody to reply to a distressed poster with supportive comments.
     
  18. Believe

    Believe Well-Known Member

    I understand what you're saying - sometimes it seems like many of the posts do get the same responses. But we aren't professionals - we're just ordinary people that are trying to help. And honestly, we've all got our own problems - and sometimes it just seems a little hypocritical to tell other people that everything will be all right when we want to off our ownselves at times. :p But just knowing sometimes when you make a post that other people hear you, understand you, sympathize with you, and care... that's what's important. :)
     
  19. BlackPegasus

    BlackPegasus Well-Known Member

    In the past I've spent far too many hours talking not only on the forum but to people in pm, email, and messenger and I've always tried to listen and truly help. Sure sometimes my post may sound generic, especially when I myself am having a hard time, but for many even that makes a big difference knowing someone took the time to respond. I know sometimes words aren't enough, however just being able to type things out is of help to me even if no one responds. To be honest it isn't so much the forum itself but the great friends I've made here who've helped me the most, some of whom spent hours on the phone with me during hard times.
     
  20. ggg456

    ggg456 Guest


    I feel the same about things in general.

    Yeah this post is useless but I do understand how it feels to be left trusting no one and having no help from anywhere and feeling trapped.

    Again, this thing about trusting, and counsellors. I hear what a difficult situation you're in being under 18. dazzle had some good ideas of perhaps looking around for organisations for young people- I know here they have things like young people's centres and places where you could ask tell them your worries and see if they could help you manage the situation with you and your counsellor, rather than forcing you to leave when you don't want to.

    I do again, though, hear what a difficult situation you are in.
     
    Last edited: Mar 25, 2008
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