my rapist is due out

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by lancashirelass, May 9, 2011.

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  1. lancashirelass

    lancashirelass Well-Known Member

    Ok heres the thing i know my rapist is due for parole this july and although i'm kinda prepared for it i am still really scared. I have been doing well until jut lately when something triggered me and now i can't sleep and have nightmares. I don't know what to do and i am finding myself thinking of harming myself or worse. I don't want him to win but i don't think i can go through it all again. I never got the help i asked for so no point asking again as a total waste of time but i don't know what else to do. If anyone has any ideas they would be most welcome.
  2. *sparkle*

    *sparkle* Staff Alumni

    :hug: how very difficult for you - im sorry your going through this

    i think support is invaluable - where did you ask for help previously? somehow, through some route i think you must find support and help. there are different avenues... but you probably need it hun. its not something you will ever be able to forget but perhaps with the right support you will be able to better deal with the memories. he isnt winning - your here talking to people and thinking about ways of carrying on and surviving... just have to find the right way forward from this point :hug:
  3. lostbutnotfound

    lostbutnotfound Well-Known Member

    Hi hon,

    It is completely understandable that you are scared right now, after what you have been through, the way you feel right now is natural. You've said it is pointless to ask for help again, due to your previous experience, but there can be no harm in asking. Tell them what is going on for you, and dig your heels in. You deserve support, and people need to give it to you. Why should you be expected to cope with this by yourself? You shouldn't. Can you talk to family or friends about what is going on for you? It doesn't take the pain away, but talking can help, just so someone knows where you're at. Everybody needs somebody. Don't give up this fight, I know how hard it is, but please, keep going. You may not see the strength you possess, but I can. The fact you have got through this much, you have come this far, proves that. I really do think you need some extra support at the moment. Please ask. You have nothing to lose if it doesn't go to plan, and you could gain a lot. Until then, keep posting here, talk to family and friends. Are you on any medication? That could help with anxiety, or give you a more comfortable nights sleep, which won't make it all go away, but could make you feel better equipped to deal with it. If you aren't on medication, it could be worth going to the doctor, and explaining what's going on.

    Please feel free to PM me any time if you need to talk

    Take care :hug:
  4. lancashirelass

    lancashirelass Well-Known Member

    i am not on any meds as they didn't work so i stopped taking them stupid i know but i guess i am. I have been waiting for 4yrs to get the help so i have given up on it. My doc is well aware that it is coming up to a bad time of yr as has put note on prescription to make sure i stay on weekly this was put on last week so she is checking my records. She did refer me and chased them up for quite awhile even she got frustrated. The prob was cbt wouldn't take me when oding now they obviously think i'm ok and don't need it. so i'm in a lose lose situation.
  5. *sparkle*

    *sparkle* Staff Alumni

    :( oh dear...

    there are other avenues of support though that perhaps could help you... can your doctor reapproach the people - as they think you are ok - your doc could inform them that you are not and require urgent support....

    otherwise victim support can offer you ongoing help - they are not part of the police, can support you... they have a phone number of 08453030900

    Rape crisis can also offer help - they say on their website: "Rape Crisis centres aim to offer specialist support, advocacy, counselling and information to women and girls, free of charge and in confidence, in a safe and non-threatening environment".... they offer free counselling at a centre in lots of town around the country - they also offer telephone help. their number is 0808 802 99 99. You can get help on that number or look on their website where you can find your local centre whom you can telephone direct

    there are different options and im sure that one of them could help you and direct you in the right direction... they really are very helpful and from experience i know that they can do a lot of good....

    im sorry if the post is too practical :shy: i just thought lots of info might be helpful. here if you need to talk :hug:
  6. lancashirelass

    lancashirelass Well-Known Member

    I did go to a rape centre to start with but again due to oding they cancelled crisis team are ok but i only trust a couple of them and am worried about ringing up again after so long. As for my doctor she is only in 1 day a week and always booked up so hard to explain to her. I know it's me stopping myself getting better but been let down by professionals so often i just don't want to go back there.
  7. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    I dont know what to say to this, Im so sorry you had to go through it in the first place but to now have to probably feel like your going through it all over again.

    Have you thought of take some safety classes, learn some techniques on how to bring a man to his knees or a woman for that matter? Also look into your house, see if there is anything that you can do to make you feel safe at home.

    Will there be a protection order from the courts? If not I would call the States Attorney if your in the states and see what can be done about that.
  8. lancashirelass

    lancashirelass Well-Known Member

    i am in uk so not sure what will happen when he gets out. I know i could actually kill him if i was that way inclined but then i would end up in prison and no better than him. I know a lot of how i feel is just events from last few days and lack of sleep but now it's there i can't get away from it.
  9. Kaos General

    Kaos General Well-Known Member

    Have you brought this up with probation? Im assuming that the fact that you know hes getting out means probation has been in contact with you to see if you have any concerns. Tell probation you dont want him near you because you fear for your safety, they will then have to move him as far away from you as possible
  10. Julia-C

    Julia-C Well-Known Member

    Dawn it makes complete sense that you are scared of his pending release. I probably won't be able to tell you anything you don't already know or someone else hasn't already told you at one time. What do you have control over? Well you can turn your home into a fortress, it can be your safe place. There are special locking systems which are next to impossible to break through quickly. You can choose an interior room and fortify it so that if someone (your rapist) breaks in you have a safe room. Of course you need to keep a phone in this room (preferably a cell phone) and a knife or baseball bat.


    In the UK the per capita rape statistics are 1.4 rapes per 10,000 people. These numbers are per an average life cycle. Statistically only 10% of convicted rapists rape again. The link takes you to the statistics in Canada, but through my research 10% seems to be the median of pretty much all the nations.

    With that added into the per capita rates that means that 1.4 rapes per 100,000 peoples average lifetimes.

    When you calculate various other statistics into it it drops the chances of you becoming a victim again to about 1 in 500,000 in the UK. Because I live in the US my chances are about 1 in 380,000. I will trade you my odds for yours. Just kidding about that, but I just want you to realize how remote of a chance you have of being a victim by him again.
    Here is a picture of Wembley Stadium with about 80,000 people in attendance. Lets say that one of them in that crowd is a rapist. It would be very unlikely for him to find you in the crowd or for you to find him. Now multiply that crowd by 6 and that's the realistic odds you have.

    I know emotionally it does very little to comfort you, but sometimes the numbers can be a comfort if you are willing to let them.

    You asked for advice. Well you can imprison yourself like I did for so long, or you can live and only worry about things you have control over.
    1. Avoid situations where you could become a victim.
    2. If possible use the buddy system especially when out at night.
    3. Take personal defense classes.
    4. Take comfort in the mathematical odds.
    5. When you feel as if you are in a dangerous situation, don't hesitate to get to a safe location.

    I hope I helped. I know it's hard. I understand.
    I am sorry that all this happened to you. I am sorry that you hurt and have fears. I wish there was something I could do. :hug:
    Last edited by a moderator: May 9, 2011
  11. lancashirelass

    lancashirelass Well-Known Member

    thanx for that however he is not the omly person to have raped me i was raped dec 2009 by a male "friend" who knew of my situation and took advantage of it he however gotaway with it and has been a problem in the past. It has taken me soo long to feel able to go out during the day i still will not go out at night unless with my bf. This rapist also said to police "I will sort her out myself she is dead" that was said in police interview and read out in court by his lawyer. I don't actually know for sure i am waiting on the letter to confirm when he is due out.
  12. Kaos General

    Kaos General Well-Known Member

    Probation will take that into consideration along with the police and other agencies. He will be subject to MAPPA meetings as well because he will also have to go on the sex offenders register for life because he is in jail for rape so there is no way in hell he will be moved anywwhere in the same area as you and will probably go back to prison for even entering the same town as you
  13. Julia-C

    Julia-C Well-Known Member

    I hope it all works out, and I will pray for your safety, both physical and emotional. I wish there was more I could tell you, I wish I had better advice. :hug:
  14. tweetypie

    tweetypie Antiquities Friend

    ive tried for ages to think of something comforting to say to you honey but i all i can think of is to tell you that im here for you anytime of day or night. If you want my number hun just pm me. GIANT HUGS xxxxx
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